Guest Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 My boyfriend/ex-boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We had a baby four months after meeting each other. I love him very much! And I honestly can’t picture myself with another person. I want to marry this guy. But we have been arguing for the past year over anything and everything. We both agreed that maybe we should take a break and he stayed at his moms, and I stay at our house that we bought together. After just one week of him being gone, he had a one night stand with another woman that he met at a bar. I found out by going through his phone. He says he is sorry and is begging for me to take him back. He thinks our relationship will be stronger now, b/c he now knows what life is like without me. I love him and want to make things work for our son and have a family, but I don’t want him to think what he did is acceptable. What should I do?
tikigods Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 I don't even see why you are willing to give him another chance. It took him less then a WEEK to forget about you and your son and sleep with someone else. I don't understand how you can say that you guys are stronger now that he has done this...also keep in mind the lessons you are teaching your son when it comes to a healthy relationship
carmaenforcer Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 tikigods, you must understand that the reason that the OP (guest) is so willing to take him back is because she is not innocent herself or she realized that she ufcked up by doing that whole "kicking her man out of the house and threatening him with the dissolution of the relationship", thing in the first place. PLAYING HEAD GAMES!!! She now knows that if you piss your man off enough, push him away or try to manipulate the relationship with showing him how easy it is to drop him, it sometimes blows up in your face and you realize how quick SHE can be replaced. Women are a dime a dozen if the love and or respect is gone. He probably never would have cheated on her if she didn't make him feel so helpless in "their relationship", and he is a good guy that misses his son, but just got pushed too far. Guest, please let me know you agree at all with what I said.
Guest Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 Yes!!! I agree with everything you said! You are completely right, we did lose our respect for each other, but I have never lost my love for him. I think that’s why I was so shocked when I found out he slept with another woman. Its just something I cant picture him ever doing! What would you do if you were me??? b/c I don’t care how mad or drunk I was, I would have never slept with another man! You seem to know a lot and that is why I am very interested in seeing what your advise for me would be…. All of my friends and family tell me to leave him and that I can do way better, but honestly I feel like he is everything I ever wanted. We just lost total respect for each other and I want our respect back and I know he does as well!
whichwayisup Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 He thinks our relationship will be stronger now, b/c he now knows what life is like without me. After one week? And only after you busted him by finding out he had a one night stand? If you hadn't checked his cell phone, I highly doubt you'd know he had cheated on you. OK, there is a child involved, you and your boyfriend need to make a go of this relationship and fix it, for your child's sake. Put aside the petty fighting, arguing etc., and get some marriage counselling (couples therapy) in. LEARN how to understand eachother. Learn how to listen, as well as communicate. Once you both decide this is what you want, to stay together as a family, then fight for it! Do all that is necessary to make it work. Though, on a serious note, you both should get tested for STD's, just incase..
RecordProducer Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 OK, it hurts, but you were separated and take it as a none-of-your-business thing. Your life will be easier that way. Don't ask questions about the other woman. Chances are she means absolutely nothing to him. About taking him back.. only take him back if you are sure that he CAN be the right guy for you and that he will never do this again. Who initiated the break-up? Maybe he made up reasons for arguments just to sleep with someone else? If this is the case then don't take him back. You sound like you have little experience other than with this guy. When we lack love experience, we tend to think that the first guy is the best one. Then the second is the best we could find cuz he is so much better than the first one. And the third big love is "perfect." After that we lose faith in love and everyone sucks. And THAT IS the time when we're ready to evaluate people with the right tools and set up the proper criteria. Don't be so sure that this guy IS the one. Put on a paper what you always wanted to have in a man and add what you want now. Be honest about how many criteria your guy really satisfies.
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