spider_freek Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 I have known this woman for almost a year now (will be a year in early January), she lives in Chile and I in the UK, we have never met eachother but plan to after we have finished our studies. I first met her on a music forum and we got talking on MSN, ever since we have had regular conversations. We havnt spoken on the phone, because she isnt confident about speaking english (even though she writes it so well) spanish being her mother tongue. I have been trying to learn spanish since I met her because it would make things easier (even though there is no problem with communication) but I would prefer it if she made the effort to gains some confidence to speak in english as I am putting so much effort into learning spanish. Anyway, let it be clear that we arnt in a relationship... its a very strong friendship... but we both agree that having a relationship over the internet before meeting eachother first wouldnt be a good idea. We have both discussed our emotions openly, it has always been clear that I liked her a lot more than she did me. But she does tell me that she likes me a lot and that if it wasnt for the distance between us, she would definatly give us a go. When she describes her ideal man, I imagine that I fit the bill rather closely. She is certainly very close to my ideal woman... its for this reason that I am maintaining this belief that we can one day be together. I very rarely meet women and when I do they arnt the sort that I go for, it seems like ill never meet a woman as close to my ideal as she is... she is a such a unique woman. But the inevitable has happened, what I had dreaded all along... she has met a guy. A few weeks ago she met him and told me she got along well with him, she doesnt normally meet very many people let alone men. Hes not anywhere as close to how she described her ideal man as I thought I was, but she has just told me they are now dating. Earlier she said she was confused about her feelings for her, because he was not a political person like herself and myself and that is an important thing for her. He also doesnt share the same music interests as her. But he has that special something that I will never have until we meet, he has face to face interaction. He told her he loved her (despite only knowing her for a few weeks) and she smiled. Things would be easy enough if she just told me she wasnt interested, but she has led me along to believe that there is a chance. Ive persuaded her why the idea of us being together wasnt so impossible, ive explained to her that id soon spend all the money I had to come and visit her... because I need to find out if we can be together. She is such an amazing person that I dont want to miss out... I feel as though ill never meet another woman like her. A friend tells me that you feel like that about every woman you have deep feelings for... but its not just that. I am not fitting what my ideal woman is around her because I think shes very special.. the very reason I think she is so special is because she is so close to my ideal woman. I know for a fact that I wont meet anyone as close... it would be very unlikely. I havnt been with any women since I met her, but I would abstain from any relationships with other women if there was a prospect of us being together. She obviously doesnt feel the same way, I dont know why she is dating this guy. Perhaps she is just desperate for an intimate relationship.. or maybie she genuinly likes the guy... I dont know. What I wonder, is whether or not I should bother with her. Its not easy to just forget about someone.. and to be honest with you I dont want to. I want to be her friend, whether she has a husband and 5 kids or not. Part of me knows that I should give up any idea of ever being with her, but the rest of me thinks that she is so close to my ideal that I cant let her escape my clutches. I have to find out if we can be together, if I give up ill always be tormented by the fact that I didnt try. Its hard to know where I stand with her, she likes me a lot... but she cant get over the distance. What shall I do?
norajane Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 And exactly what is your plan for bridging the UK to Chile distance to actually have a real, face to face, day to day relationship? I think she's smart not to get involved with you. She wants a real relationship with a person she can see and touch and talk to anytime and who can be there for her. You should want that too, instead of fantasizing about your perfect woman. Get out there and start meeting women and dating!
Author spider_freek Posted November 2, 2006 Author Posted November 2, 2006 My plan was for either me or her to take a flight to one anothers country. She could come here to London to see a band or something, it would be worth the trip to see the band or to see the sights of London let alone to meet me. Or I could have taken a flight to Chile, I would have done it just to meet her but I would also like to visit Chile as I enjoy traveling. If we had hit it off on our first meeting, then we would make an effort to meet again. Once ive finished my education, I am willing to travel where ever to be with her. My only commitment is my education, once thats over I can abandon everything else. Im not the type that particularly wants to settle and get a comfortable job and so I would be fine with just dropping it all and traveling to be with her. I think your right though, shes smart not to fall for me.. like I fell for her and in a way I wish I hadnt. But I have and now im in this situation. I DO want a real intimate relationship.. involving all of the 5 senses. But thats what I was hoping would come out of my relationship with her. Im not fantasising about my perfect woman, everyone has an idea of their ideal man or woman and some come close.. others dont. She comes close to my ideal, which is why I like her so much and of course because we get along. We have a chemistry as far as is possible online. The problem is, we still want to be friends and we still want to meet eachother. Whether or not we actually get together depends on whether or not either of us is in a relationship when we do. I know I should be meeting women too, but dating is just something I dont do. I dont meet very many people, let alone females. Thats a problem with my confidence, a problem that is not that easily overcome. A lot of people who are confident just tell me to go out and socialise... as if its that easy for me (which im sure you will argue it is).
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