KT18 Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 It does help to write about how you are feeling. I just finished my packing. I moved in with him 6 months ago. He said a few weeks ago that we fight too much. Drinking has a lot to do with that.. we are 2 very different people, yet we get along ao well but for some reason when we drink we fight. Over the most ridiculous things! So, when he said that we shouldnt be together because we fight too much I said that I will quit drinking and said that we wont have another fight. Anyway, last weekend he told me that he wants to be alone. He said that it is not me, he just wants to be alone. He said that I am a great girlfriend and that he loves me and he cried. We both cried. So I moved into the spare room and have been there since. He has not even made his bed.. he is sleeping on a bare mattress. But he is also collecting my things that I have missed and is adding them to the stuff that I am packing. I am a total dick. I swore that I would have no contact and I tried, yet today I sent him a message asking if we could talk. He said yes. I was going to ask if we could try to be together but live separately but I am not so sure anymore. I dont want anyone else. He is meant to be my best friend. But he said that he doesnt want to be with me. He said that he loves me. If two people love eachother they should be together. How can he break us up???? I spoke to his mum and he has totally detached himself from her too. She cried for us. He will be home soon. I am now in the spare room with the door closed. I might send him a letter instead of talking. I dont want to hear that he doesnt want to be with me again. At least if I send a letter then he can call me if he wants. I am going to miss him so much and I just want this horrible pain to stop. I cant sleep. I havent eaten anything all week. I just want him to hold me and tell me it is all going to be OK. When he ended it last weekend I was so pathetic.. I begged him not to do it and when he was making his lunch I threw margarine at him. I just want it to stop. KT
jillybabes Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 That’s really sad but it’s also really bad for youHe ended it, and he did it for a reason, whatever that may be. He is somewhere you aren’t, and you just have to deal with it. You need to move out, because it’s impossible to start recovering from inside the same house. Also it will make him realise that you are serious. He will either want you back, or he’ll be relieved. Then NC. It’s the only way. Believe me, I’m coping with my ex of 3 years, who would never commit to me, never bought me so much as a birthday present, was awful to me, hit me, told me I was “milking it” one week after I lost the most wonderful mother in the whole world (because I wouldn’t talk to him when he pulled someone else, not because I tried crying on his shoulder or anything) having just moved in with his new girlfriend of 3 months. AFTER ONE MONTH she moved in there. Although he has called me two or three times when she’s been away, NC is the only way I am coping with it, as I spend most of the time trying to forget either of them exist... Anyway, this is about you, not me, but seriously, do it, get out of there, stop calling him. Either he will come after you or you need to start dealing with it and moving away from it. If it was that good, it wouldn’t have ended, is one of the more cliched things that comes to mind. Also you need “It’s Called A Break-Up Because It’s Broken” – trust me, that book is legendary! xx
D-Lish Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 Girl! (I like the margarine throwing) lol Most people here will sympathize with your pain. There's nothing worse than loving someone and feel them slipping away. This will sound hard to do... but you have to give him space. Make it appear like you are fine with things, have no contact with him. He won't have the space to think about how he feels until you are absent. If you two keep in contact, it will only prolong the process of him figuring out what he wants. The sooner you can be away from the place that reminds you of him- the better. It gets easier, eventually it does. But give him space for now, and take it for yourself. D
swirly27 Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Sorry KT to hear you are going thru this. I myself haven't lived with a guy yet and then gone thru a breakup, but as with any breakup, you definitely need space away from him which means you will definitely want to move out. It will be so hard at first and maybe for awhile, but you do what makes you feel better. We can all look at your situation and KNOW that you need to move out and act fine and do NC with him.....but its not gonna feel that way to you , but you'll probably feel differently as time goes by. It hurts and sucks and we've all been there with no sleep, no eating....but if you try and do anything that keeps you a tad busy, that can help. Maybe you moving out and finding a place and trying to decorate it and shopping for new-place stuff and having friends over to cry to, all that can be therapuetic. I wish you the best of luck and I don't know your ex, but he made this decision and the ONLY way anything good can come of this, friendship or more, is with some space and you needing time to yourself and him realizing stuff on his own as well. Time will drag but it WILL get better.
katiebour Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 Most of us have been there- that's why we got here. Anyway, hugs to you. My ex and I broke up almost 2 years ago after a 3-and-a-half year relationship. We lived together for a week and a half before I moved out. He said basically the same thing- he just wanted to be alone, didn't want to be with me anymore. Got the "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" crap. Relationships go through cycles- you start out in the "newlywed" phase, totally infatuated/in-lust, then things move on to companionship and a deeper sense of committment. Some relationships don't survive that change- people expect to be "in love" forever, and that if it doesn't come naturally, it isn't meant to be. A relationship is work! I begged my ex to take me back; was hurt, angry, totally lost and depressed. I moved out into my own little apartment and got used to being by myself. Went through several life changes, moved halfway across the U.S., changed career plans and basically got my head on straight. I know it's hard to focus on anything- you're grieving. Be gentle with yourself. One of the best books I have ever read regarding breakups is "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" by Harold Bloomfield, Ph.D. et al. I REALLY REALLY recommend this book. I bought it a few days after the breakup, and started crying while reading it on the tram back home. It's kinda like having a good friend pat you on the back and say, "It's gonna be ok." You may lose weight- you may be depressed. You may spend days in bed, or crying, or be angry, or any number of things. It's ok- we all grieve in different ways. Just remember to treat yourself like you'd treat a friend going through the same thing- be good to yourself. I took a lot of hot baths, read a lot of books, took life slowly for a while, and healed. Take care! Hugs and Bunnies for you :bunny: :bunny:
tdmce Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 Hey KT, I don't recommend writing him a letter, they back fire and you can't easily get them back. He knows how you feel already. I agree with Jillybabes, you need to move out asap. The no contact thing works. Focus on yourself, exercise, go out with your friends, find the person you used to be before you started dating this guy.
Author KT18 Posted November 8, 2006 Author Posted November 8, 2006 He wasnt there on the day I moved my things out. He left without saying goodbye. I am now interstate for the rest of the month with work, which is keeping me distracted. However, I sent him a message "i love you, goodnight" last night and then he called me at 1.30 am on the way home from work.Said that he loves me too. Since I have been here I have found that he has put his expired drivers licence in my purse back when I was asleep at his house last week and he also put a photo of himself at the bottom of my suitcase, which I found when I unpacked. I have my things in storage and a house to move to when I get back so that is all sorted. I agree that no contact is the way to go. He ended it so he should make the move if he wants me back. He knows my number. It is just so hard. I miss him so much. Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and advice. I think that I will get those books KT
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