I'm so done with his games

[D-Lish]

My jackass of an ex breaks up with me, says horrible things, then doesn't speak to me or respond to me for two months...

 

I reached out to him, poured my heart out to him, all to no avail, so I just went into NC mode. Then he shows up at my door last Friday looking all despondent, wanting to "talk". Well, I couldn't talk because I had a date coming over, so I told him it wasn't a good time.

 

After two months, after all the hurtful things he said, and his cruelty with his silence and he just shows up thinking I'd just invite him in?

 

I told him I'd contact him and arrange a time to talk. So I sent him an e-mail a couple days later saying I'd like to talk too...

And I didn't hear from him until tonight, his only response "sorry, too late".

 

Nice. He said the most ridiculous and hurtful things, he broke up with me over the phone, told me he never wanted to see me or talk to me again....then shows up at my door two months later?? On a friday night, without calling first?

 

I mean I wasn't rude to him, I just said it wasn't a good time, that I had plans and we could talk later. And I followed through and contacted him only to be rejected again? WTF?

 

He's 33 for crying out loud, you'd think he'd be over the childish games.

Of course, now this has thrown me for a loop, I feel guilty and hurt all over again.

 

I think I had a right to arrange a time to talk that was convenient for BOTH of us, not just for him, on his terms and timeline.

 

I'm so done with him.

D

[magichands]

And I didn't hear from him until tonight, his only response "sorry, too late".

Looks like that one took a few drafts to get the desired effect. Onwards, and upwards, D.

[garnet]

D,

 

I've followed your story. Sounds like he has some growing up to do. Even if he interpreted your reaction the wrong way when he showed up unannounced, he should understand that that would have really thrown you for a major loop.

 

It sounds like he's only willing to see things from his own perspective. Not only that, he clearly likes to be in control of a situation. If he's going to be that immature, then I'd say it's his loss!

[Tormented]

I told him I'd contact him and arrange a time to talk. So I sent him an e-mail a couple days later saying I'd like to talk too...

And I didn't hear from him until tonight, his only response "sorry, too late"

 

 

Oh, what a crock that is!

 

Apparently, you hurt his "delicate" ego and this is his way of lashing out, of "punishing" you for doing so. You're SUPPOSE to be devestated by this, D. You're SUPPOSE to be grovelling, BEGGING for another chance.

 

You know, this guy is a complete control freak, D. He wants full control of you, and IF the two of you ever reconcile, he wants it on HIS terms.

 

His "showing" up was to throw you, to keep you from moving on. He WANTS you to think of him, miss him, BEG him.

 

Apparently, the early days of begging did wonders for his ego, and he would like a little more of that.

 

Don't give it to him, D. Well, I know you won't. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders, but I do know how hard it is.

 

Boy...do I!

 

Chin up, girl.

 

~T~

[Cheshire Cat]

I feel sorry for your ex, poor sad little thing he is.

 

After he dumping you, hurting you, telling you horrible things, disappearing for two months he feels so generous to offer you another chance... shows up... and what do you do???

 

Instead of crying of joy, hugging him, showing him how grateful you are, cancelling immediately all your plans for the weekend (what? are you supposed to have a life of your own???), laying a red carpet and rose petals for him to walk on while you let him in, laying yourself at his feet like a doormat,

you just shemelessly ask him to *postpone* the talk!!!

Like the world did not revolve around him!!!

 

Sorry. You blew this one big time.

You were so cold-hearted it's unbelievable. And now it's too late to try to work things out with this wonderful, generous, mature, intelligent, understanding, respectful ex-bf of yours.

 

*************

 

Please, do not feel guilty. You were actually lucky that he showed up at such an unconvenient time. You got to realize what a self-centered jerk he (still) is.

[Confuggled_one]

F*** THAT F**.

 

 

im so sorry that happened. but be cautious. he might come around again. dont set yourself up anymore..

 

i hope you feel better..

-Confuggled.

[KT18]

No contact is so hard! My bf just ended it with me last weekend and I am still at his house in the spare room ... packing is done and removalists are coming on Saturday. He was my best friend and I just want to call him all the time and sms him. I always check my mobile to see if he has messaged me.

 

This is so depressing.

 

I was an absolute arse today.. i messaged him and asked him if we could talk and he said yes, but i know that i am just setting myself up for another fall.. he said that he loves me but he wants me to move and be alone. He said that it is him and not me.. BOLLOCKS. If he loves me then he would want me to stay. And i messaged him today. Crap. He will be home from work in two hours.

 

How do you keep from not contacting ur ex and how do you know that it is a mistake not to try to stay with them???

 

KT

[Amour77]

D-Lish,

 

He is playing games now. It is time for him to stop playing games and grow up. He needs to understand that the world does not revolve around him.

 

He is obviously trying to make you feel guilty, probably because he felt he did not get what he wanted when he came to see you. So the next logical step is for him to get his revenge and make you feel bad about the whole thing. DON'T! It is a game he is playing and he is trying to get his own way, once again, the way he has alwas done in the past.

 

If he behaves this way, it makes me wonder what his motives were in the first. As mentioned by another poster, he wants you on his terms, but this is not the way it should be. So just ignore him.... and if he comes back in two months, tell him to f... off this time, do not even waste your time telling him you will contact him!

[norajane]

And I didn't hear from him until tonight, his only response "sorry, too late".

 

Yes, it's too late...for him!

 

I was all for giving him the benefit of the doubt - once - but he's just too emotionally immature to be believed. Well, at least you know that whatever he would have said to you is completely immaterial - he'd have turned out to be an ass again sooner or later even if you had given him the benefit of the doubt and taken him back.

 

Good riddance - and good for you for not letting this man infuriate you anymore. There's so much better out there for you!

[Art_Critic]

And I didn't hear from him until tonight, his only response "sorry, too late".

 

 

I'm sorry D.. At least you know he has the maturity of a small child..

 

Consider the source..

 

I had something very similar and hateful done to me by the ex gf from a couple of years ago..

 

After sending flowers to her ( alot of them ) I finally got her to break her silence and we spoke..

 

She was soooo sweet to me telling me things like how sweet I am..blah blah.blah.. Well she said she accepted my apology and everything would be fine and to call her tommorrow..

 

I called her the next day and she didn't return the call.. a few more days and calls later I get her on the phone and she says " Didn't you get my text ?? I thought it over and decided not to get back to together with you "

She lied.. she never sent a text and did this to hurt me and get her kicks..

 

Well.. So did your guy.. Ef him

 

Karma can be a biotch.. he will get his

[D-Lish]

Thanks for your replies!

 

I am sooooo done with all of it.

Can't say it doesn't hurt and that I don't still love him. But, regardless, I wouldn't go back in a million years.

 

Art, I read about the flower incident- that's crappy. Sometimes people are just crappy.... Should have polluted the flowers with killer bees!

 

I think people are right- this was a control issue for him.

I stopped contacting him and he came back to push my emotions around again. Blocked him on e-mail, and deleted his e-mail address- the one last remaining tie I had yet to let go of.

 

Mean people suck ass.

 

D

[melodymatters]

Sweetie, I'm SO with you...

 

 

I started my ex in business, was his best friend, and he ended up being physically abusive with me just recently. ( the dents in the car are still there, won't let anyone fix em yet, because they make me feel pissed and therefore stronger)

 

But I'm done recounting what i DID for him, and even more done recounting ( to myself and others) what he did TO me.

 

Bottom line : he's a weak, f*cked up jerk and so is yours. Onwards and upwards and no looking back !!!!!

 

melody

[Rooster_DAR]

He said that it is him and not me

 

 

KT18, when you hear those words you can pretty much bet it's over. There are great suggestions on this board that will help you with N/C. You must consider it, and the people here can attest to it's affect. Also do a search on on things people say when it's over, there is a classic list floating around here somewhere, and your quote above is in that list.

 

I'm one of them.

 

Cheers!

[theadventure50120]

 

I told him I'd contact him and arrange a time to talk. So I sent him an e-mail a couple days later saying I'd like to talk too...

And I didn't hear from him until tonight, his only response "sorry, too late".

 

 

I did that with my ex to , i asked for a meet up , didn't happen. She spots me out clubbing , pokes me and waves and i walk away. Apparently she must have wanted to talk because she cursed me online later and said i didn't give her the time of the day.

 

They think they can talk or meet when they want.

 

EDIT - oh yeah she said she wanted to cut all ties , why she trying to talk to me clubbing. They are wierd.

[Davis]

Hi D!! Did you ask "too late for?" Sounds like he has an ego and you bruised it. If he was mature or really wanted to have an honest talk with you, I would think he would talk to you. Now he wants to be a jerk to get back at you and get back in control. You are upset! He is getting to you! Don't let that happen D. You were doing quite well, remember? Hang in there girl!

[Art_Critic]

Art, I read about the flower incident- that's crappy. Sometimes people are just crappy.... Should have polluted the flowers with killer bees!

 

Funny thing is Dee that sometimes getting over the person is easier than getting over the hurt they cause..

 

You sound like you are on your way to healing.. way quicker than it took me.. I drug both feet a fair distance before moving on.

 

While I'm over her and have moved on I'm not totally over the whys of why she caused the hurt during and after the relationship and why she did it on purpose..

I'll never really know what was going thru her head ..

 

Sorry he was a bum and sorry he hurt you .. here's to you meeting someone new " clink "

[D-Lish]

Funny thing is Dee that sometimes getting over the person is easier than getting over the hurt they cause..

"

Couldn't agree more with you on that one Art.

You can dismiss the person~ but not forget the pain they caused.

 

It's hard to imagine that someone you love can be so evil. It makes it difficult to move on and trust the next person. I had put my eggs into one basket with this last ex. Thought I had finally met someone I could actually see myself growing old with. It's shocking when you see the other side of them.

 

I've had some painful break ups before~ but never quite like this one. There has usually been some closure or resolution or a light friendship....never have I felt the other person hated me, and that's how I felt when we split.

 

Have you dated much since your split?

I too am sorry you had such a bad experience.

 

The whole re-establishing yourself, and going back into the world single again is a daunting experience to say the least!

 

This forum helps loads though. Many a night I contemplated calling my ex~ but I'd post and read things here instead. crazy, but it helps.

 

Cheers back atcha'

Dee

[Art_Critic]

Have you dated much since your split?

 

I didn't get back on the horse very easily..kicking and screaming actually but since then I have had a few dates and a couple of short relationships..

 

The cool thing is that without going thru all the stuff I went thru exactly like I did I would've never met the girl I'm dating now..

 

She has my full attention .. and that is a nice feeling being able to give someone my full attention instead of only being half there..

[D-Lish]

I didn't get back on the horse very easily..kicking and screaming actually but since then I have had a few dates and a couple of short relationships..

 

The cool thing is that without going thru all the stuff I went thru exactly like I did I would've never met the girl I'm dating now..

 

She has my full attention .. and that is a nice feeling being able to give someone my full attention instead of only being half there..

 

That's really promising to hear.

 

I felt that way about my last ex, that if it weren't for my marriage break up, I wouldn't have met him...

 

I will take a while to get serious again, that's for sure.

But I'll date a bit here and there if the opportunity arises.

Glad you met someone worthy of your attention!

D

[blon_dee]

Sorry to hear that Dee.. But really, he is a jack ass!! He's definately playing games.. No way girlfriend!!

It sux, it hurts, but i would definately be letting this one go for good....

Hugs

[swirly27]

Aww D, I am sorry to hear this has happened. You have given me good advice, so I just had to add my opinion as well, agreeing with everyone else, of what an ass this guy is. What an ego-jerk!

 

I dated a guy last year who was wonderful, or so I though, a tad older too, in his 30's and he played more games than my highschool bf! haha We had broken up and still remained in contact and as soon as he felt like he saw an ego boost possibility, he started acting like a jackass, asking to meet me and then breaking dates, talking ignorantly, etc. I thought it was invasion of the body snatchers! haha But basically, these men are used to getting what they want and in that moment, when he stopped at your house, he wanted to talk to you and you didn't give him that, so he got pissed and stormed off like a baby (figuratively anyway). Then when you make contact, he blows you off again and the very fact that you even emailed him back probably gave him the satisfaction he needed to know you still cared. Twisted isn't it!

 

I hate this saying, but it applies so well - that everything happens for a reason and we learn the most when we go thru hard times, so look at this as a building time for yourself. I just got back from going on a trip with my mom and it was refreshing and now I am back and feel revived in a way. Still have my ex on the brain, I know you've posted in my thread, but I feel different in a way too. I notice that when I have gone thru a couple hard breakups, I seem to dive into projects or wanting to do new things and I end up doing some cool stuff.....gotta thank the dickheads who broke my heart for doing that stuff, haha!

 

I hope this jerk leaves you alone for good now and I agree with one of the other posters, IF he comes by again, just say F**K off and shut the door. Good luck!!

[D-Lish]

Thanks guys....

 

If the opportunity arises... I am soooo going to say "f-off", believe me.

:-)

 

I don't know what it is... but the men I have dated in their 30's, haven't been any better than the younger ones! The younger ones want sex, and the older ones still "don't know what they want..." I'll take the younger ones and the sex over the confused 30+ men anyday!

lol

 

I feel pretty good today. It was a minor set back, and now I am coming around again. I've set up some dates from Lavalife (yikers) and we'll see where that goes. If nothing else, it takes your mind off things!

 

As always, the advice and support here is great,

D

[Kamille]

Too late?! Ha! Good one. Wow your ex has some ego!!!

 

My ex (not the guy I was dating but the one guy I consider to have been one of the loves of my life) also was very stubborn and had a very strong ego and pulled stunts like that to satisfy his sense of drama. And his desire for my life to revolve around his. (In fact he just got in touch with me last week after two years of NC... long story). I am now very happy that I am not with him even though, yes, I still love him and will always love him. But now I never want to go back to him. My point is : you will move on and he'll probably show up again in your life because big egos are stubborn ones.

 

But now it's confirmed : he's really not mature or man enough for you.

 

have fun on those dates!

 

K

[Heart66]

Wow D! I can't believe the outcome of this! I sooo thought he had realized his mistake(s) and the two of you had a chance of happily working thru this. But...He's proven us all wrong! Good for you for giving up on him and his games. You deserve MUCH better, and you will find it, I am sure! I agree with the numerous posts before me, that this behavior has come because his ego is bruised that you didnt just drop everything to talk to him when he showed up in the rain, nor did you appear weak or broken when you did bother to get back to him. I am proud of you for handling him as you did. His immature email only proves that you did the right thing by not jumping thru the hoop he showed up with. Keep us posted. This too shall pass. And you know what they say..."When God closes one door--He opens another."

 

Heart66