Still Being Strong

[BenThereDunThat]

What am I on, week 3 of not speaking to him at all? I have to say, work has not been difficult for me. I have no need to interact with him at all and no desire to. I went to get on the elevator at lunchtime today and when I turned the corner, I saw he and another person were getting on an empty one. I didn't break stride, just kept walking. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see he started to put his arm out to keep the door from closing, thinking I wanted to get on.

 

He sent me a work email yesterday, asking for access to a certain website. Which is normal, I'm the one people go to. I was very brief with my reply: "Please send xxxx your SS#." No thank you, no signature, nothing.

 

The only thing I'm having a hard time with, and I'm sure this will pass eventually, is there are a couple of women he has kind of aligned with ever since he started working at my company. They are both very nice and very married. One in particular he does quite a bit with as a foursome - as they all are new to my city. Meaning, he and his wife and she and her husband. This particular woman has only been with the company for about 6 months.

 

I would never do it, but man, I am so tempted to meet these two women for happy hour and say, you know, xxxx is not the person you think he is. Let me clue ya in on a few of the things he's done to my head the past 6 months, a few of the lies he's told, a few of the things he's done behind people's backs.

 

There is no way I would ever do that. Just one of the minor things I struggle with from time to time and need to vent about it.

 

I'm majorly PMS'ing and I have had a cold for over a week now, and I'm not in the best of moods, so I struggled with it a little more today than I normally do.

 

Thanks for letting me vent!

[Jane Doe]

I'm glad you're doing better and holding strong. Keep up the good work!

[NoIDidn't]

Keep up the good work!

 

Good that you are resisting the temptation to tell the new women about him. It would only make you look bad, bitter, and jealous. Plus, they will find out on their own.

 

I love your sign in, I tried to get something similar when I first registered. I, too, have been there and done that. Sometimes, more than once. LOL.

[Guest]

spread the damage to others. one should never do that. i always have maybe one or two people i choose to talk with about things because everyone needs some sort of support group, but, to simply do something out of spite means you need to find new ways to heal and grow as a person.

 

if there is anything that requires official business that is another matter - but i would never go up to someone with the expressed purpose of hurting them even tho they might have done so to me.

the sooner you just delete them from your life the sooner you heal

[BenThereDunThat]

Thanks, guys! I'm so glad to be where I am now. I still have a ways to go as far as not concerning myself with his comings and goings AT ALL -- a little hard to do when it seems like he's right there all the time.

 

That's exactly why I don't tell those women anything. I would just come off as looking petty and childish. Because that would really be the only reason I would have to tell them. So I just sit quietly. Like you said, they'll see it in him soon enough.

 

NoIDidn't -- yeah, 'Been There Done That' (and f**k all of it!) was exactly my mood when I first signed up to LS.

[ahotmess]

I see the same type of activities with my exMM. It kills me. Though I am starting to feel relieved and out of the situation....seeing him interact with other coworkers makes me a little jealous. Of course I could be where they are. I don't want it though. I just want to be where they think they are going with him.

 

I want to warn them of the pain they will suffer if they keep on. I guess in the end...we all get exactly what we deserve.

[lovernotafighter]

ben there done that..bought a tee shirt :-)

 

lol! I'm glad to hear your doing great BTDT! I am hoping to be right behind you in this.

 

my MM and I broke up 2 months ago but we kept hanging on..it was kind of sick.

 

so last week we both agreed to full NC and thurday will be a full week..it's been pretty hard cause I have to dodge him and he apparently has to answer questions about my whereabouts and such things cause we are a fixture ..augh! ( I only know this because I spilled the NC beans to my best friend at work..he kept asking why I wasn't coming around and desided to be a lil honest with him, told him we did it because people at work gossip to much about us)

 

anyway it's gonna be a hard road for me, but your a great example that I can pull this off..thank BTDT for sharing and stay strong :-)

[BenThereDunThat]

ben there done that..bought a tee shirt :-)

 

lol! I'm glad to hear your doing great BTDT! I am hoping to be right behind you in this.

 

my MM and I broke up 2 months ago but we kept hanging on..it was kind of sick.

 

so last week we both agreed to full NC and thurday will be a full week..it's been pretty hard cause I have to dodge him and he apparently has to answer questions about my whereabouts and such things cause we are a fixture ..augh! ( I only know this because I spilled the NC beans to my best friend at work..he kept asking why I wasn't coming around and desided to be a lil honest with him, told him we did it because people at work gossip to much about us)

 

anyway it's gonna be a hard road for me, but your a great example that I can pull this off..thank BTDT for sharing and stay strong :-)

 

LNF -- So proud of you! It gets easier and easier as each day passes that you have NO contact with him.

 

Keep up the good fight!

[alphamale]

I would never do it, but man, I am so tempted to meet these two women for happy hour and say, you know, xxxx is not the person you think he is.

why not? thats how these dudes keep on getting away with this shyt. you should bust him. you could potentially ruin his life. I think you should let the cat out of the bag. It would be fun to watch the fireworks.

 

if you're going to get married then don't mess around. I advise people to not even get married in the first place.

[BenThereDunThat]

why not? thats how these dudes keep on getting away with this shyt. you should bust him. you could potentially ruin his life. I think you should let the cat out of the bag. It would be fun to watch the fireworks.

 

if you're going to get married then don't mess around. I advise people to not even get married in the first place.

 

Trust me, it's real tempting. I hope he does get found out. I just can't be the one to 'out' him.

 

Now, if either of his friends here were to ask me a direct question....

 

I agree. Why be married? They don't have kids, don't want kids. I guess he likes the "stable, Christian" life at home and the "dirty" thing on the side. Who knows. Not my question to ask anymore.

[PoshPrincess]

Well done to all who are NC at the mo. Like you, BTDT I am on week three of NC and it IS hard, although I don't have to work with my ex-MM thank God! He has tried phoning me twice and how I have had the willpower to ignore him I don't know! Guess it IS getting easier as although before I knew talking to him would f**k with my head big time I still did it. Now at least I know better. I can't torture myself like that anymore. I am learning everyday.

 

Oh, and don't bother telling those other women anything. You are the better person for keeping quiet. Fair enough if you were friends and they asked you but otherwise, keep out of it. Let them find out for themselves! And to be honest, 9 times out of 10 when someone tells tales on/warns someone about an ex it just ends up looking like sour grapes. Hold your head up high and ignore him. You are the winner in this.

 

Keep up the good work. We are with you all the way hun! Take care x

[Freedom Now]

My MM refused to let me go. Even as I left with dignity, he refused to stop. I just got off the phone with him. It was ugly.

 

I hurt, but I did the right thing. He killed my love. And now he knows it. Life with me in it is no more. OVER, FINISHED, FINITE. No more texts, no more emails, no more me.

 

The cakeman no longer is eating his cake.

 

I am worth more than this crap. I always have been. And now he knows it. I made my position painfully, crystal clear.

 

He will get NO second chances with me. For the last time, he blew it.

 

He is out. And, BTDT, I told him to F*** off, too.

 

It was a long time coming.

 

Freedom Now

[BenThereDunThat]

My MM refused to let me go. Even as I left with dignity, he refused to stop. I just got off the phone with him. It was ugly.

 

I hurt, but I did the right thing. He killed my love. And now he knows it. Life with me in it is no more. OVER, FINISHED, FINITE. No more texts, no more emails, no more me.

 

The cakeman no longer is eating his cake.

 

I am worth more than this crap. I always have been. And now he knows it. I made my position painfully, crystal clear.

 

He will get NO second chances with me. For the last time, he blew it.

 

He is out. And, BTDT, I told him to F*** off, too.

 

It was a long time coming.

 

Freedom Now

 

Hey Freedom, good for you!! I'm lucky in that when I told mine to f**k off, he stayed f**k'd off. lol That makes it easier at least.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting. But I know you well enough to know that you won't be hurting for long!

 

Self-respect and dignity are great pain relievers.

[Freedom Now]

I tried patience, grace and dignity when leaving this relationship. It failed. He wasn't "getting it." So, I was left with no other option than to blow this relationship up.

 

I think he gets it now.

 

Yes, self respect and dignity are great pain relievers. Even though I spewed my wrath, I maintained my dignity. And my self respect is completely intact.

 

He, this relationship, and his pathetic, insulting, meager attempts at throwing scraps at me are FAR beneath me.

 

And he knows it.

[BenThereDunThat]

I tried patience, grace and dignity when leaving this relationship. It failed. He wasn't "getting it." So, I was left with no other option than to blow this relationship up.

 

I think he gets it now.

 

Yes, self respect and dignity are great pain relievers. Even though I spewed my wrath, I maintained my dignity. And my self respect is completely intact.

 

He, this relationship, and his pathetic, insulting, meager attempts at throwing scraps at me are FAR beneath me.

 

And he knows it.

 

I don't think you lost an ounce of dignity by spewing your wrath at him. He asked for it. That's the only way his thick head is gonna get it. And how dare he not believe you when you told him you were DONE.

 

Didn't it feel just a little bit good telling him off though?

[Freedom Now]

Yes. Emotions that I had kept pent up for months and months came out. He NEEDED to hear my side. Needed to hear about what he has done to me and to my family. All because HE lied about being married. And now, he still lacks the strength of conviction to stand behind his actions and work on his marriage.

 

Enough was enough. I was not and never will be a puppet on a string for him. I held my own throughout it all, but I had lost my patience.

 

I tried leaving on a good note, but I guess it just wasn't possible with this lame brain. He just wasn't willing to let me go, but he wasn't willing to come and get me either. His wife can have him, poor thing. He is heartache for any woman he is involved with. And she is comfortably blinded by his lies about me.

 

Yes, it feels good to release all my pain and feelings and to be blunt and honest with him. ONE of us has an honest bone in our bodies, for I never lied to him about anything in my life. He, however, cannot say the same.

 

Simply put, this man has NEVER been worthy of me.

 

Yes, I lost my marbles for a short period of time, but blessedly, I found them again.

 

He is history. And the door to my heart has been slammed shut. I did that weeks ago. But, today, I threw away the key. And he will never have access to it again. The key with his name on it has been tossed away.

 

And I came out the winner because I was true to myself. He is incapable of being true to anyone, including himself.

 

I wish him well in his life.

[Freedom Now]

And after perusing through other threads of other OW, I find my story shockingly similiar to Walking Away's story.

 

If I have read her correctly, I sense that she, too, has done what I have done.

 

I wish she were here again. I could use her support right now, too.

[Guest]

And after perusing through other threads of other OW, I find my story shockingly similiar to Walking Away's story.

 

If I have read her correctly, I sense that she, too, has done what I have done.

 

I wish she were here again. I could use her support right now, too.

 

 

Freedom....

 

You are doing the absolute best thing for yourself. It is me, WA. My xMM admitted that he looked for my posts here on LS, so I elected to remove myself from this forum for that purpose. Unfortunately, MY NC with him included LS.

 

Yes, you are correct. I have extricated him from my life for good. And you are correct, our lives are incredibly paralleled. I have read your posts and marvel at your control. You are a very strong woman.

 

Be proud of yourself.

 

I have removed him from my life and you will too. Be strong.

 

Hold on to it.

 

Hugs to you my friend...

 

WA

[NoIDidn't]

And after perusing through other threads of other OW, I find my story shockingly similiar to Walking Away's story.

 

If I have read her correctly, I sense that she, too, has done what I have done.

 

I wish she were here again. I could use her support right now, too.

 

Freedom,

 

Not to bust your bubble or even to down Walking Away, but she went back to her MM. Even after all that she knew about this man. She never really closed the door to the A, like it sounds like you have - she lied for him. She is now posting about it on another board.

 

You need someone that is strong enough to stick to their guns, someone like YOURSELF. You are awesome.

[Walking away]

Freedom,

 

Not to bust your bubble or even to down Walking Away, but she went back to her MM. Even after all that she knew about this man. She never really closed the door to the A, like it sounds like you have - she lied for him. She is now posting about it on another board.

 

You need someone that is strong enough to stick to their guns, someone like YOURSELF. You are awesome.

 

I posted as a guest earlier on this thread, but now I will post as myself.

 

My MM does not exist in my life. I don't know what site you are referring to that I am posting about being with my MM, but it is a lie. In fact, the only other site I used to post on, I stopped posting due to the fact that I had a very public disagreement with another OW here on LS. My stance was to maintain NC in the midst of it all. She disagreed and I bowed out from her website. I have not posted there since....at least two months ago.

 

I walked away from him and stayed away from him. Simple as that.

 

Perhaps you have me confused with someone else.

 

And, BTW, thanks for the support, and my xMM will thank you too. Thanks to your callous and untrue comments about me, I felt the need to present myself as Walking Away, not a guest.

 

You are a sweetheart. And, because I have posted today, I am sure you have made his day.

 

Thanks.

[Chapter2]

Hey WA! Long time no see! Glad to see that you are still around and still doing so well. I wondered myself which posts noIdidn't could have been referring to...if you returned to your MM I certainly missed that post and would've PM'd you to beat up on you for it! I'm glad to hear you are still staying the course.

 

Its frightening to think that you can be strong but still have yourself confused with another poster. Hang in there.

 

I posted as a guest earlier on this thread, but now I will post as myself.

 

My MM does not exist in my life. I don't know what site you are referring to that I am posting about being with my MM, but it is a lie. In fact, the only other site I used to post on, I stopped posting due to the fact that I had a very public disagreement with another OW here on LS. My stance was to maintain NC in the midst of it all. She disagreed and I bowed out from her website. I have not posted there since....at least two months ago.

 

I walked away from him and stayed away from him. Simple as that.

 

Perhaps you have me confused with someone else.

 

And, BTW, thanks for the support, and my xMM will thank you too. Thanks to your callous and untrue comments about me, I felt the need to present myself as Walking Away, not a guest.

 

You are a sweetheart. And, because I have posted today, I am sure you have made his day.

 

Thanks.

[Chapter2]

Are you sure it was walking away? Which board--I'd like to read about it myself:o

 

Freedom,

 

Not to bust your bubble or even to down Walking Away, but she went back to her MM. Even after all that she knew about this man. She never really closed the door to the A, like it sounds like you have - she lied for him. She is now posting about it on another board.

 

You need someone that is strong enough to stick to their guns, someone like YOURSELF. You are awesome.

[Freedom Now]

I posted as a guest earlier on this thread, but now I will post as myself.

 

My MM does not exist in my life. I don't know what site you are referring to that I am posting about being with my MM, but it is a lie. In fact, the only other site I used to post on, I stopped posting due to the fact that I had a very public disagreement with another OW here on LS. My stance was to maintain NC in the midst of it all. She disagreed and I bowed out from her website. I have not posted there since....at least two months ago.

 

I walked away from him and stayed away from him. Simple as that.

 

Perhaps you have me confused with someone else.

 

And, BTW, thanks for the support, and my xMM will thank you too. Thanks to your callous and untrue comments about me, I felt the need to present myself as Walking Away, not a guest.

 

You are a sweetheart. And, because I have posted today, I am sure you have made his day.

 

Thanks.

 

Oh God, Walking Away...

 

I am so sorry for this.

 

I just wanted you to know that I understand what you have gone through. It isn't easy. And I know that you know that.

 

For whatever it's worth....

 

I believe you.

[Freedom Now]

Freedom....

 

You are doing the absolute best thing for yourself. It is me, WA. My xMM admitted that he looked for my posts here on LS, so I elected to remove myself from this forum for that purpose. Unfortunately, MY NC with him included LS.

 

Yes, you are correct. I have extricated him from my life for good. And you are correct, our lives are incredibly paralleled. I have read your posts and marvel at your control. You are a very strong woman.

 

Be proud of yourself.

 

I have removed him from my life and you will too. Be strong.

 

Hold on to it.

 

Hugs to you my friend...

 

WA

 

And I thank you for coming out of your hiding for me...

 

PM me if you wish. I would never want you to lose the strength that you apparently have guarded so closely. And I apologize for compromising your apparently well controlled NC by bringing you back to post here.

 

I hope someday your MM realizes what a gem he has lost.

 

I hope to hear from you!

[movinon05]

Every few weeks when I have nothing much to do, I come back here to see how the OWs are doing. How appropriate that I have come back today to see this.

 

NoIDidnt - I am astounded at your attack on WA! So much so that I went back and perused through some of your prior posts and threads and came upon this:

 

A response from WA to you:

 

I think some OW respond defensively is because they have a God given conscience and it is hammering them with guilt. They may not be aware of the guilt because of the other overriding feelings that they are feeling, but it is there, nevertheless.

 

Plus, so often, the relationship is discounted as an addiction. Some are, perhaps, but I believe that others are true romantic relationships that are laden with moral and ethical barriers.

 

These relationships aren't right, but the feelings that these OW feel are REAL. And, it hurts to have someone constantly remind you that your MM is "using" you or "cake eating" or any other comments that are perceived as bashing.

 

Yes, the OW bleeds. She bleeds deeply. I was one of them.

 

Even we, the OW, don't like to be kicked when we are down. Most KNOW they are in a mess....they just can't find their way out because it is difficult to walk away from a relationship when both parties still care for each other.

 

And, yes, there is defensiveness.

 

I think they are defending their FEELINGS for the MM more than the relationship.

 

Just my take.

 

But, you have made a good point.

 

WA

 

AND YOUR RESPONSE:

 

I have seen threads from the OW that want to know why they can't feel *safe* here. Unfortunately, with this being the internet and open to whomever wants to post as Guests, that level of safety simply does not exist.

 

WA, your post was really good. Thank you.

 

So I ask you this: Are you Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde today? For one, you complimented WA and then you became what you abhor about posters!

 

WA is my very good friend. In fact, she is the first person who PM'd me in support and to be strong when I posted my story and was attacked.

 

I have no idea why you suddenly feel the need to attack her. Do you know her story? Do you know how she was sucked into an A without her knowledge? Do you know that the MM also sucked her children in? Do you know that her world crumbled around her and shattered her faith in men? Her circumstance was far more hurtful than my own.

 

I know for a fact that she has been doing the work to get over what happened to her. I have been there every step of the way. I know for a fact that she did not go back to her MM! Where is that statement coming from? Because she became a member of a private board of friends? You know not of what you speak!

 

And now you discount her support for Freedom Now!!!!!!!

 

I know nothing of you or your circumstance, but you should get your facts straight before you start slandering other people with false accusations!

 

To Freedom Now, I assure you, WA has never guarded her strength. She has been human and as I said before, has done all the work while going through a very difficult time. I don't know your whole story but I hope you learn from her strength as well as those who have been here before you and I wish you well.

 

And to all of the other OWs, I will say again. It is possible to come out the other side and be happy with someone who loves you and values your worth and shows you everyday how wonderful you are. But that can only happen when you love yourself enough to allow it to happen. I am living proof.

 

MO