ahotmess Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 I am an OW. No matter what the outcome of my situation...that is a title I will always hold. And I am not proud of it. I have been involved with MM for almost 2 years now. After 8 months of being with him, he told me he was in love with me. It was incredible! He is the first man I have ever been in love with, and he feels the same way. We talked a little about our situation and basically he said that anytime I feel like I need to "get out" I could. It was emotional hell, but I decided that I needed to get out. He obviously wasn't leaving his wife....I needed to moved on. I took a leave of absence from work (we work together). I even moved to a different state. We eventually came into contact again and things were going on just as before: me sacrificing my life/time to be available when he was. Everything on his schedule. But I didn't mind...I love him...would do anything to be with him. It's been 2 weeks since I initiated NC. I didn't even tell him I was doing it. I just vanished. Now there is a chance that we will see eachother at work (he is a pilot, me a flight attendant), but not a large chance. I feel like I have made it this far, and will be able to make it through this time. I feel empowered by my consistent NC. He does still text and email me.....and I feel bad for him. I am hurting as well. I have lost my best friend. I believe in soul mates. I believe in "the one". However I believe that our choices can limit us. I know that I will always love him. He will always have my heart. But I am moving on. Under the pain.....I am feeling alot better than I have in a while. Good luck to all OW out there who are going through the same thing. Time does help. I know that ur situation looks bleak now. But things will happen in time...when ur ready.
Freedom Now Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 Welcome to my world. It isn't so bad over here. There is the hope for joy and a life without pain on this side of the affair. I, too, am in the early stages of NC and I feel better each and every day. I am getting stronger and stronger. He, too, still tries to initiate contact, but I also ignore it. What would be the point of responding, really? Nothing has changed. Except ME. And, it is a good change, at that.
noforgiveness Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 I think you are making the right choice. You'll be better in the end. He will leave his wife and turn his life upside down for you or he does not love you enough to to disrupt his life. Only time will tell. Good luck with finding happiness any direction it comes.
PoshPrincess Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 I am an OW. No matter what the outcome of my situation...that is a title I will always hold. And I am not proud of it. I have been involved with MM for almost 2 years now. After 8 months of being with him, he told me he was in love with me. It was incredible! He is the first man I have ever been in love with, and he feels the same way. We talked a little about our situation and basically he said that anytime I feel like I need to "get out" I could. It was emotional hell, but I decided that I needed to get out. He obviously wasn't leaving his wife....I needed to moved on. I took a leave of absence from work (we work together). I even moved to a different state. We eventually came into contact again and things were going on just as before: me sacrificing my life/time to be available when he was. Everything on his schedule. But I didn't mind...I love him...would do anything to be with him. It's been 2 weeks since I initiated NC. I didn't even tell him I was doing it. I just vanished. Now there is a chance that we will see eachother at work (he is a pilot, me a flight attendant), but not a large chance. I feel like I have made it this far, and will be able to make it through this time. I feel empowered by my consistent NC. He does still text and email me.....and I feel bad for him. I am hurting as well. I have lost my best friend. I believe in soul mates. I believe in "the one". However I believe that our choices can limit us. I know that I will always love him. He will always have my heart. But I am moving on. Under the pain.....I am feeling alot better than I have in a while. Good luck to all OW out there who are going through the same thing. Time does help. I know that ur situation looks bleak now. But things will happen in time...when ur ready. AHotMess, I know it doesn't seem like it at the moment but you HAVE done the right thing, and as cliched as it sounds, it does get easier with time. I recently started NC with my now ex-MM (that's good, before when we went NC I could not refer to him as ex so doing something right!) and it really it getting easier everyday. I still think of him 95% of the time but that's already an improvement on the 100% Of course, if he turned up on my doorstep tonight telling me he loved me, was gonna leave his W and be with me, I would be ecstatic, but I just have to get on like that will probably never happen. I love him more than anything and, like you said about your MM, he will always have my heart. ALWAYS. I just can't be second best anymore. It was messing my head up big time and really wasn't worth it. I am in therapy and on anti-ds and have a 3 year old son to look after so really can't afford to be neglecting my mental health. I know I have to put myself first from now on. I hate it that he's unhappy without me and my heart aches just thinking about him but he's made his choice. He was unhappy with me too with all the lying and cheating so maybe this is the lesser of two evils for him. All the best. You can do it. If ever you're feeling down, feeling like you can't cope with NC, etc, we're all here for you!
NoIDidn't Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 AHM I just wanted to wish you luck and to add this for consideration. I was in love witha guy once and thought that he would always have my heart. But don't look at it like that. Change it to this: you will always remember the place he held in your heart. Remember your heart is always yours to own. We share it, we don't give it away. You have loved and decided that you needed to leave him alone for yourself. You displayed the utmost of self-respect here in choosing NC and just disappearing. Not many can do that. Good luck.
Author ahotmess Posted October 31, 2006 Author Posted October 31, 2006 Welcome to my world. It isn't so bad over here. There is the hope for joy and a life without pain on this side of the affair. I, too, am in the early stages of NC and I feel better each and every day. I am getting stronger and stronger. He, too, still tries to initiate contact, but I also ignore it. What would be the point of responding, really? Nothing has changed. Except ME. And, it is a good change, at that. It feels really empowering to maintain NC. I feel incredible guilt, for not atleast telling him. But he's a smart guy...and will figure things out. I try to stay occupied. Keep my mind off of him. But driving in the car, I'll turn my sad songs on and reminisce....then once I'm out of the car...I'm out of that mode. Each time I receive a text from him it takes every ounce of strength I have to not respond. It makes me happy that he's not giving up. In all honestly....he gave up a long time ago. Now that he is not on my mind every single second, I feel like I'm moving on with life. And that feels good.
Freedom Now Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 Unless he comes through with a grand gesture.... Unless he finds himself truly free to pursue an honest, mutually fulfilling relationship with me, I have no time for him. This relationship was beneath me. I deserve so much more than the scraps he wanted me to settle for. That empowers me: knowing that I deserve so much more than this. And I do. As do you. Keep your chin up. You are doing the absolute best thing you can do for yourself.
Author ahotmess Posted October 31, 2006 Author Posted October 31, 2006 Unless he comes through with a grand gesture.... Unless he finds himself truly free to pursue an honest, mutually fulfilling relationship with me, I have no time for him. This relationship was beneath me. I deserve so much more than the scraps he wanted me to settle for. That empowers me: knowing that I deserve so much more than this. . Right on FN! Truer words were never spoken. I truly feel like I am moving on now.
Freedom Now Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 Hang in there sister. You, me, and Chapter2 are all in the same boat. We can empower each other. There is strength in numbers.
Author ahotmess Posted November 1, 2006 Author Posted November 1, 2006 I believe in the power of time. I believe there is strenght in numbers. I believe that we can make it.
Freedom Now Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 I believe that the difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and we may never understand that reason in this lifetime. I believe that people are placed in our lives at the exact time that we need them. I believe in hope. I believe in love. I believe it is the things that you DON'T do (rather than the things that you do) that you regret. I believe that we will NOT regret doing this. I believe in us.
Author ahotmess Posted November 1, 2006 Author Posted November 1, 2006 We cannot regret our past. Only learn and gain strength. That is all. Never regret something that once made you smile. And remember that at some point everything you did, was exactly what you wanted.
Freedom Now Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 Every experience we have had in our past has made us what we are today. There is no room for regrets. I agree with you. But, the time is now to look ahead. To look forward to a brighter, happier future. This is OUR time.
Guest Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 my experience [like all affairs of the heart] has changed me completely. i am not the same man i was before meeting the love of my life. i went thru more in 4 years then i did in my entire 44 years. i had parts of myself completely shattered, beliefs utterly destroyed, i have had to reinvent myself because i collapsed - hit rock bottom and saw what people are really capable off doing in reality [maybe that's why i hid in a fantasy world for protection]. some people think i have become isolated, its just because i have cut them cut of my life entirely - some were like cancer, some were food for the soul, but those don't mix well so i have had to kill that part of me. that man is gone. now, i am trying to repair my soul and mind because i still have my wit and confidence and humour but the place where trust used to live is empty - just as my house was last winter - this is why i am here [looking to find trust]. there are so many people that knew about what was happening, so maybe people that actually played a role in the outcome, so many people that actually watched me almost die, blood pouring from me, and did nothing. this has changed me forever.
Freedom Now Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 Yes, guest, I too will never be the same. I am forever changed.
whichwayisup Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 You're doing the right thing. As painful as I'm sure this is for you, it has to be done...You can't live your life 'waiting in the wings' for a man who more than likely is never going to leave his wife to be with you. This isn't about love anymore, this is about your own self worth and respect. I am happy for you that you've put yourself first and getting on with your life. You don't have to hate him, just know you two met at the wrong time in life. Timing was wrong and that's why things are the way they are. Good luck and stay strong.
Author ahotmess Posted November 2, 2006 Author Posted November 2, 2006 Definately timing was wrong. I love him so much. I don't dare dwell too long on thoughts of him, it will bring me down. It's been 2 weeks of NC (on my part) and last night I almost broke down. I was sooooo close to contacting him. But I held off. I feel sooo very strong right now. I've decided to work on me. I have always said I would do certain things "...if only I had a husband". But since I still do not have one and am not growing younger....I've started to do things on my own. It started last month with a trip to London...it was beautiful. This month I am going skydiving. Without him to wreak havoc on my thoughts 24/7 I am moving on. It feels wonderful to not feel terrible. It's not easy...but I am doing it, and so I know that anyone can. To the OW out there who are struggling....there are so many of us on this forum who understand. People are here supporting you whatever ur decision may be. If u are having fun...and not in pain....good for you. May you have the strength and wisdom to make the correct decisions, in this circumstance.
Freedom Now Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Don't look back. If he loves you enough, he will come and find you. Men do that, you know. Rest in the fact that you have maintained your dignity and self respect. He can't take that away from you. Don't let him, and I know you won't.
Author ahotmess Posted November 2, 2006 Author Posted November 2, 2006 Are you kidding me? Look back? This NC thing is like a "high" for me. I'm gettin off on it:) I make it sound easy. But at night...when I am alone....it is hell. So instead I focus on this great "high". I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the Eleanor Roosevelt quote. Well done FN!
movinon05 Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Regarding your other post to me, of course I remember you! And from time to time I have wondered how you have been. Trust that you are doing the right thing. And in time, it will get better. If you EVER need a shoulder, or need strength when it gets hard, feel free to PM me. I've made a number of very good friends from this site. And I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for them. ((Many many hugs!!))
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