hugznkisses21 Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 Last night by boyfriend and his good friends found his best friend of 20 years passes away from a sucide over dose...I cant even begin to tell anyone - how heart wrenching it is to see him going through this - I rushed there as fast as i could and just was with him and stayed through the night. He cried in my arms and woke up crying though the night. I am not a strong person - I lost my mother at a young age and i know the pain he is going through - I just want to take it all away....I really need some advice - i want to do all that I can for him right now - seeing him so hurt is riping my heart out - im so afraid i cant do what he needs cause im not very strong - does anyone have any advice to offer - he means the world to me and i would do anything for him...i love him so much Thanks LS
KittenMoon Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 Just be there when he needs you, give him space when he needs it. If the grieving goes on too long or triggers depression, try to get him into some therapy. But just being there for him is what you should focus on now.
Author hugznkisses21 Posted November 4, 2006 Author Posted November 4, 2006 JUst an update - im sorry i think i missunderstood - coping - this is justa coping threat not so much for a breakup but -it is coping in a relationship during loss So yestderday was the funneral - this is sooo tough because i am not a strong person - i cry alot - i cry alot out of pain for the family, for my bf anf his freinds, and out of frustration in seeing him this way an knowing there isnt anything i can do to take his pain away. And in turn he sees my frustration and it gets him upset - and he starts getting angry (i know this is part of his feelings from the situation) and says stff like - i dont need this....or i have other things on my mnd- and starts to cry and get upset - And i feel so horrible - i feel like im not helping him at all im making it worse - he is right he needs to worry about his own feelings - not have mine to worry about but i cant help but show my feelings too this is ahrd. Right now - im scared - im scared that my emotions are getting in the way and im making him worse - GOD help me if i do cause all i want is to help him
KittenMoon Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 And in turn he sees my frustration and it gets him upset - and he starts getting angry (i know this is part of his feelings from the situation) and says stff like - i dont need this....or i have other things on my mnd- and starts to cry and get upset - And i feel so horrible - i feel like im not helping him at all im making it worse - he is right he needs to worry about his own feelings - not have mine to worry about but i cant help but show my feelings too this is ahrd. Right now - im scared - im scared that my emotions are getting in the way and im making him worse - GOD help me if i do cause all i want is to help him A male response to over-emotion is often anger. Anger because they feel bad, and they see you feel bad, and it makes them feel bad about that, and they can't fix it and their response is to get angry and frustrated.
Author hugznkisses21 Posted November 4, 2006 Author Posted November 4, 2006 what can i do? i dont want to make it worse for him
KittenMoon Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 what can i do? i dont want to make it worse for him Honestly, I am not sure. I've tried to explain to a guy in the past that he doesn't need top fix anything, just be there, but it seems hard for them to understand. I know it's probably hard, but can you try to be "the strong one"? I don't know really- I think you might need some male opinions on this.
Guest Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 Personally, this is hard. I always think about people that lose their life at a young age and wonder many years after what they'd be like 10 years from now. It really makes you put your own life into perspective and realize that the best anyone could do is do your best and never give up. As far as your boyfriend, he's going through a rough patch. He's trying to find answers to this and by you being there for him isn't one of them. I'm not saying you shouldn't be there but don't sit and bother him and ask him questions about your relationship right now. If you can ease up a little and just be an ear and someone to cry on, I guarantee he'll thank you and find out where you stand in his life just for listening. Sometimes (as hard as it may seem to a woman) men want to talk and not always listen. Just tell him that you'll be there for him, but don't let this hard time in his life bring your relationship down. Just hear him out. Maybe this don't make sense but coming from a guy this is what I would wish for my significant other to do. Hope everything goes well.
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