stp23 Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 Ladies, A hypothetical set of questions. What would cause you to feel repulsiveness to your husband to the point where you would consider either leaving him or seeking the affections of another man? What would stimulate the desire to seek the affections of another man, that is, an affair, even if the desire was not previously present during the course of your 15 year marriage? What does your husband have to do to lose your love and to drive you in search of another soulmate? Thanks for the replies. I need your input to understand things a little better for myself. I don't want to give out details, but would like to draw some parallels and similarities.
quankanne Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 What would cause you to feel repulsiveness to your husband to the point where you would consider either leaving him or seeking the affections of another man? stupidity would drive me into another man's arms ... you know, making a spur-of-the-moment decision to stray, because otherwise, I wouldn't put myself in that kind of situation. But leave him? My personal breaking point came seven years ago, when my husband's drinking had gotten out of hand and I didn't like who he'd become or how it affected how I felt about our marriage. I kept reminding myself that I wasn't so beholden to someone that I would be made to wallow alongside of him .... Even though things have gotten better because he made the decision to invest in a marriage enrichment retreat, I still would say this would have to be my leaving point, being made to live through a situation that I didn't think was healthy for our marriage and had me living contrary to the values I want to uphold. What would stimulate the desire to seek the affections of another man, that is, an affair, even if the desire was not previously present during the course of your 15 year marriage? Really and truly? Knowing that he didn't love or want me. Because I believe your marriage (and love) can grow in ways that allows you to live without the physicality of sex without necessarily giving up that "wanting" to be with someone that way. What does your husband have to do to lose your love and to drive you in search of another soulmate? Sorry, I don't believe in spouses or significant others as soul mates, I think that is reserved for very special friendships between people, and it can be same-sex friendships as well as opposite-sex ones. So I really couldn't lose my husband as my soulmate. As my number one special playmate, the person I invest most of my time with doing things from house work to hanging out to traveling to being with, the loss would be great. You specifically say "lose your love" for this person ... I'd have to go back to the original question and answer, being made to live contrary to the values I try to uphold. all these answers are based on the fact that I love my husband dearly because I see him more and more as the one special friend I'm meant to walk this earth with. I separate that from soulmates because he still doesn't know me as well as the two friends I consider my soulmates ... looking in from the outside, I think that if love is missing from the relationship at any given time, or if it's a weak or flawed love to begin with, it'd be easy to walk away from a committed relationship like marriage.
Art_Critic Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 Does the hypothetical husband drink too much ? Does the hypothetical husband show anger towards his wife ?
D-Lish Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 Lack of Attention... that would be a biggie. Lack of intimacy If I thought he was cheating on me... Any kind of abuse. Maybe, simply just falling out of love....that happens.
Author stp23 Posted October 31, 2006 Author Posted October 31, 2006 These are good insights so far. Thank you. Quankanne, sorry, I used the term soulmate in a loose manner. Please continue, contributors.
Guest Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 As the time passes in a marriage the biggest threat in having an affair is, Lack of communication, you desire to have the attention your spouse doesn't give........
Lor Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 What would cause you to feel repulsiveness to your husband to the point where you would consider either leaving him or seeking the affections of another man? There are too many variables that would cause a SO to leave a relationship; physical and/or emotional abuse, neglect, cheating, disrespect, loss of feeling to name a few.....Repulsiveness is a very strong word and in itself would be enough to explain wanting to leave a relationship. As far as seeking the affections of another, it could be lack of affection and respect at home, trying to fill a void that otherwise isn't being taken care of ~ ie love bank. Selfishness will always play a key part but it doesn't mean its not without remorse or guilt. What would stimulate the desire to seek the affections of another man, that is, an affair, even if the desire was not previously present during the course of your 15 year marriage? Over time M breaks down, the routine becomes mondane and too many don't work at keeping a spark alive between them. The grass is always greener, new is always better and once again a EA/PA will sometimes fill that void that exists. This is not to say that it is right; there is no excuse for an A of any kind. If someone is that unhappy, they should leave the M or work on it to try and get back what is lacking or lost. What does your husband have to do to lose your love and to drive you in search of another soulmate? Go back to your first question. There are too many answers to name depending on a person's situation. Sometimes its nothing that the SO does wrong, or doesn't do....they are still the same steadfast person they always were. But M needs to be shaken up sometimes, stir the emotions and make couples remember why they fell in love in the first place, why they decided to commit themselves to a relationship. A M needs similiarities, but also enough differences to keep it interesting and alive. No one should ever take their M for granted, or their partner. Its when you do that the break starts to happen.
dgiirl Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 What would cause you to feel repulsiveness to your husband to the point where you would consider either leaving him or seeking the affections of another man? Repulsiveness is such a harsh word and would indicate to me a lot of built up anger and resentment. Being repulsed, and then seeking the affections of another would indicate to me that the person was so angry and hurt and looking to punish the faithful spouse. Being repulsed, and then leaving, would indicate to me that they've reached a point of no return, there's no more love, and there's no more willingness to try. The anger has outweighed the love. What would stimulate the desire to seek the affections of another man, that is, an affair, even if the desire was not previously present during the course of your 15 year marriage? I would say the majority of affairs are done out of loneliness and the person was in a vulnerable state. They've lost connection with their SO and then someone new enters into their life and gives them that spark again. It's extremely easy to fall for someone when you're lonely and depressed and vulnerable. The trick to preventing affairs is to realize how you feel and what temptation of a new "friend" can lead. What does your husband have to do to lose your love and to drive you in search of another soulmate? I dont think anyone could drive me to search for another. If I'm not happy in a relationship, I'd like to believe that I would leave one relationship before starting another. I dont think MOST people actively search for another soulmate before leaving a relationship. I think things just happen, people enter into our lives, and then we realize we'd be happier if we left.
FlyingHigh Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 Sounds like you're looking to validate your wanting and thoughts of cheating. So, what gives? If you're going to cheat, do your SO a favor and spare him/her the pain, humility and everything else that follows with betrayal. Unless you're honest with yourself, your SO deserves someone whom s/he thought accepted him/her for what s/he is. If it's other than what everyone has hypothetically theorized that your repulsiveness may have to do with body odor, help him/her find the cause. It's usually medically linked. In other words, treat your SO the way you would like to be treated. Nothing less. No one deserves less.
Guest Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 Hey FH, you sound judgemental...as in jumping the gun judgemental. How do you know that STP23 is trying to validate cheating? Maybe you should show more restraint and polite manners when someone uses the forum to look for answers to questions. What do you think?
FlyingHigh Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 Hey FH, you sound judgemental...as in jumping the gun judgemental. How do you know that STP23 is trying to validate cheating? Maybe you should show more restraint and polite manners when someone uses the forum to look for answers to questions. What do you think? Hey Guest, Now you're being judgemental. Which part are you referring to be my source of impoliteness? My honest opinion? LS is a public forum. Expect you will receive different views from different angle, some more emotionally intense than others. But for the purpose of answering your post, reread STP23's: What would cause you to feel repulsiveness to your husband to the point where you would consider either leaving him or seeking the affections of another man? Notice the word "CONSIDER?" When you use the word "consider" it usually means that you're thinking of acting on something; thinking of wanting or maybe doing it. What would stimulate the desire to seek the affections of another man, that is, an affair, even if the desire was not previously present during the course of your 15 year marriage? What does your husband have to do to lose your love and to drive you in search of another soulmate? I don't know about you or others, but if I were married for 15 years and feel my marriage is threatened because I'm repulsed by him, I'd be asking for advise on what I can do to figure out WHY I'm repulsed by him. Then she goes on to say: I need your input to understand things a little better for myself. I don't want to give out details, but would like to draw some parallels and similarities. Hence, my question, "What gives?" She's seeking advice, but she's not completely open and honest as to exactly why she's asking, unless she's taking a survey. If she were sitting across me and she said the above verbatim, I'd be asking her? 1. Why are you asking these questions? 2. You've been married for 15 years, why are you suddenly repulsed by your husband now? 3. Does he have a bad personal hygene? If he does, what and how did you handle it the last 15 years? 4. Alright, who's the guy? Where/How did you meet him? 5. Do you love your husband? Do you still want to be married? Finally, you're reading on the "Separation/Divorce" department of LS. I wouldn't be posting on this section if I'm not considering a divorce, going through one or done it. Consider my input as just another view/angle, Guest.
Lor Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Its funny FH ~ when I read this post, I read it as a man trying to make sense of his wife leaving or thinking of leaving........guess in part because of the term "ladies". I don't usually hear too many women say that, and its usually more men.
dgiirl Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Its funny FH ~ when I read this post, I read it as a man trying to make sense of his wife leaving or thinking of leaving........guess in part because of the term "ladies". I don't usually hear too many women say that, and its usually more men. That's exactly how I interpreted it too. Oh well, I hope we helped stp23 and she/he posts back
FlyingHigh Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Its funny FH ~ when I read this post, I read it as a man trying to make sense of his wife leaving or thinking of leaving........guess in part because of the term "ladies". I don't usually hear too many women say that, and its usually more men. You got me on this one! :D This is what happens when you spend too much time on LS....you start to lose it! :D ......everything starts to blur.... :D Well, like dgirl said, hopefully we managed to help STP23. Hey....STP23 could swing both sides of the fence... :rolleyes: LOL! Anything is possible...
dgiirl Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 it's all good fh... maybe she, or his wife, will read your post too lol
anna13 Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Ladies, A hypothetical set of questions. 1.What would cause you to feel repulsiveness to your husband to the point where you would consider either leaving him or seeking the affections of another man? 2.What would stimulate the desire to seek the affections of another man, that is, an affair, even if the desire was not previously present during the course of your 15 year marriage? 3.What does your husband have to do to lose your love and to drive you in search of another soulmate? Thanks for the replies. I need your input to understand things a little better for myself. I don't want to give out details, but would like to draw some parallels and similarities. I think that is kinda hard to answer because there are so many things out there that could happen , I think i would feel repulsed if he commited some horrendous crime or he was into looking at other women or fooling around. Or IF he didnt have a care in the world about the kids .. Also If there was abusive behavior . I can't say How I would react to it since it hasnt happened to me but I can say that I would be repulsed and not want to give any affection toward him. As for what would hypothetically drive me in to the arms of another man ? hmmm, well I am not the type to have an affair if I am married, but I think that alot of people look for another when they feel like they dont get enough affection from their men , not nessesarily sex but hugs and holding hands or little things that men can do everyday to make their women feel Loved. women need that sort of thing I think. did your wife stray or are you trying to find a way to make your wife leave you ? I know odd quetion , just thought I would ask .
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