heartbroken1234 Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 ok, so i'm wanting to tell my ex of 6 months that i'd like no contact. she broke up with me and was seeing someone 2 weeks later, sleeping with him and telling him she loved him. we were very close, loved each other and both claimed to wanna spend our lives together. these past 6 months have been rough where we have yet to stop talking and when i see her, she allows me to hug on her, kiss her, (not on lips though), hold her hand, hold her, etc. The talk is always of how much I love her and know it needs to stop. When i've tried NC before she just gets mad at me and says crap to me. especially when i'd ignore her, she'd just become more and more upset. and i love her so much to where i cave in. i really wanna tell her tonight no contact again. i recently today wrote her an email describing how much i still love her and want her back. her only response is, how do i know it won't be how it was when we were together?... because i was distant and thats why she dumped me. What do I say to her to initiate no contact without her exploding and thinking that its because i don't love?
jerbear Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 ok, so i'm wanting to tell my ex of 6 months that i'd like no contact. she broke up with me and was seeing someone 2 weeks later, sleeping with him and telling him she loved him. we were very close, loved each other and both claimed to wanna spend our lives together. these past 6 months have been rough where we have yet to stop talking and when i see her, she allows me to hug on her, kiss her, (not on lips though), hold her hand, hold her, etc. The talk is always of how much I love her and know it needs to stop. When i've tried NC before she just gets mad at me and says crap to me. especially when i'd ignore her, she'd just become more and more upset. and i love her so much to where i cave in. i really wanna tell her tonight no contact again. i recently today wrote her an email describing how much i still love her and want her back. her only response is, how do i know it won't be how it was when we were together?... because i was distant and thats why she dumped me. What do I say to her to initiate no contact without her exploding and thinking that its because i don't love? If she explodes then that solves your problem! Spontanous combustion works! Honestly, IF YOU REALLY want NC then by all means do it and don't tell her. Don't take her calls, don't read her emails, have a friend delete calls and emails from her. The point of NC is to just do it and don't take her calls. If you talk to her, guess what? It is not NC. NC is used to heal and fix yourself not get her back. If you want her back then it is not NC. If you are willing to deal with her wishy washy feelings without kissing or distance; then talk to her and let her back in.
Author heartbroken1234 Posted October 31, 2006 Author Posted October 31, 2006 well what do you think i should... i truly love her and want to spend my life with her and she still says things that makes her seem as if she wants the same... but her actions are staying with this other guy who is 3 hours away for a minimum of 2 years. she's more than likely still just talking to tme and dragging me along because he isn't around but on the weekends every now and again. what should i do to try and get her back? for 6 months i've tried being in her face and letting her know how much i love her and how much i realized i was distant and tell her it wouldn't happen again, but she still just remains to say she's scared i would just become distant again. so i just thought maybe NC would make her miss me and want me back possibly. but whenever i do no contact, and the longest its lasted has been a week, she comes out and says, well you don't really love me, you have already moved on, blah, blah. so whats ur advice?
jerbear Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 She is pulling your leg on this one. Pulling the "you don't love me anymore" card on you. Next time you fall back into her spell, tell her that you won't put up with her wishy washy feelings and if she goes back to that guy when he comes back in two years or this weekend. You will let her go. In my opinion, let her go and since you want to tell her the reasons for NC, these are the reason: wishy washy behaviorother guy has to gono more distance issues Why would you want to be #2 or guy on the side who is a friend but not the bf? If that guy is around, you'll always be #2 and you might not even know it.
Author heartbroken1234 Posted October 31, 2006 Author Posted October 31, 2006 yeah, you're right, thanks... i agree with all you've said and tried so hard, but i truly love this girl and thought we'd end up getting married! and i can still see a future. but i guess i do just need to cut out contact and tell her that she can't have both of us. so would it be good to just pretty much go out and say that... that she can't have both of us, and she should know how i feel by now and she can take that for whatever it may be worth to her, and maybe even say the lack of contact doesn't change how much i love her and want her, its just something that needs to be done, because the situation isn't fair...
jerbear Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 It takes strength to cut someone out especially someone you love. While you are creating your own future, you may find someone doing something similar. Amazing what happens when you do your own thing and bump into someone else. You would find out that yes, she may not be all that. NC gets easier as time goes on, take a week long vacation where you can't get her calls or emails. You'll be surprised. Do something you always wanted to do, jump out of a plane, scuba dive, or just sit on a beach in the carribean, etc...
Author heartbroken1234 Posted October 31, 2006 Author Posted October 31, 2006 thanks, i really appreciate ur comments and opinion... i definitely need to do something, cause i've felt like this for 6 months... it's just hard knowing there still so much between us and all it would take is her choosing me and things would be perfect again. i know for a fact she was happier when we were at our best, cause she's admitted that, and just don't see why she wouldn't want it all back, especially knowing how i feel now, but agian.... thanks for the advice, and ill try my best...
gfto Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 i was distant and thats why she dumped me. What do I say to her to initiate no contact without her exploding and thinking that its because i don't love? She dumped you because she lost interest in you. As far as no contact goes, you don't tell her anything. Just disappear. Delete her e-mail address, phone number, etc., and just don't talk to her. Focus on finding a new girlfriend, instead of chasing some girl who is no longer into you.
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