Walk Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I've been wondering this for a while now... Should a person go beyond their comfort zone in order to make their partner happy? Say it's sexual.. maybe the person isn't comfortable giving bj's because she feels she's overweight and unattractive. So she stops giving blowjobs..Or her partner really loves seeing her in lingeria, but she thinks she looks ugly/gross in it... Should you do things that are going to make you uncomfortable? Or not? I'm asking because I'm kind of confused... On the one hand I think "Hell no, if you aren't comfortable, then don't do it." Yet on the other hand, if you love that person and want to do things that make them happy, then why would you allow your weight, or perception of yourself to rob your partner of their happiness? So what do you guys think?
bab Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I think it depends on how uncomfortable you are with the situation weighed against how interested you partner is in the situation. In my opinion, as long as there isn't another person involved, and nobody is getting hurt, you should try "it" at least once. Maybe it won't be nearly as uncomfortable as you think. Or your partner won't like it as much as they thought they would, but it will lessen the resentment if you at least try it.
Buttaflyy Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I think that in this case you have to see what your lover sees (in you) and put on that sexy lingerie! Realize that you are beautiful or else he wouldn't want to see you in it in the first place. In my relationship, I do things at times that I'm not so comfortable with, only if I know that it will be reciprocated (he'll do something for me he may not be so comfortable with). I think it's that 50/50 give and take thing.
tanbark813 Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I would say in general, yes, you should. I sat through 4 hours of Michael Moore drivel for an ex gf.
Pyro Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I've been wondering this for a while now... Should a person go beyond their comfort zone in order to make their partner happy? Say it's sexual.. maybe the person isn't comfortable giving bj's because she feels she's overweight and unattractive. So she stops giving blowjobs..Or her partner really loves seeing her in lingeria, but she thinks she looks ugly/gross in it... Should you do things that are going to make you uncomfortable? Or not? I'm asking because I'm kind of confused... On the one hand I think "Hell no, if you aren't comfortable, then don't do it." Yet on the other hand, if you love that person and want to do things that make them happy, then why would you allow your weight, or perception of yourself to rob your partner of their happiness? So what do you guys think? I would say that as long as it doesn't go against your morals or values, then yes.
allina Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 It depends why the specific thing is out of your comfort zone. Say your bf thinks you look sexy in something and would love to have you in it, but you think you look fat/gross, in this situation i would say that you should at least try to let go of some comfort. On the other hand if it's something that you feel is demeaning/hurtful to you, don't to it. So I guess what I'm tryingto say is that it depends on what sort of comfort/discomfort we are talking about.
alphamale Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I think if you are married and want to keep your marriage happy then yes, both partners should sometimes do things they don't want to do. If you're not married then just be selfish. I don't recomend marriage.
DanielMadr Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I've been wondering this for a while now... Should a person go beyond their comfort zone in order to make their partner happy? Say it's sexual.. maybe the person isn't comfortable giving bj's because she feels she's overweight and unattractive. So she stops giving blowjobs..Or her partner really loves seeing her in lingeria, but she thinks she looks ugly/gross in it... Should you do things that are going to make you uncomfortable? Or not? I'm asking because I'm kind of confused... On the one hand I think "Hell no, if you aren't comfortable, then don't do it." Yet on the other hand, if you love that person and want to do things that make them happy, then why would you allow your weight, or perception of yourself to rob your partner of their happiness? So what do you guys think? It has two parts. 1. Feeling gross and ugly is another chapter. Everyone should cope with their complexes....get rid of it or get over it....life is much more better then. Are you fat...go to gym. You think you have small boobs.....get over it. (its no big deal really). Insecurities make hell of your life...no reason to have them. 2. Other things are practices. If you dont like to have sex because you have to get undressed....go to point one. Anal sex - some just cant do it and I dont blame them and I believe most of men can live without it. The same goes in question of spit or swallow. If you make us certain in other ways that you love us then its OK. Its not proof of love or anything. If you have some problems with oral sex.....hmmm...I think it could be a problem. What has bj to do with feeling unattractive anyway?
CastingPearls Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 I think your comfort zone is there for a reason, and when someone asks you to step outside it you might resent it later. My ex and I were at a party and the topic of fake boobs came up. A guy there said he could always tell if they were implants or not. I'm not going into detail about what happened next but there was betting going on and I ended up getting a free breast exam. I felt very uncomfortable about it and told my husband(at that time) that I felt like I was on the auction block at the fair, but he seemed to think it was great, like someone admiring his new car. The things I tolerated to make us appear like a "fun couple" still make me cringe, that example is just the "tit" of the iceberg.
sweetie7 Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 I definitely agree that you have to look at your overall morals and values. However, part of being in a relationship is growing. This has nothing to do with anything sexual, bu in my last relationship I was forced to step outside my comfort zone a lot. Now 6 months out of the relationship, I realize how much that boy made me grow and turn into a better person. He saw my potential and wanted me to be all that I could be. I have become a lot more social, comfortable around more types of people, and more able to hold my own because he made me. Then I look at my relationship in college where my bf did everything for me and I never had to go outside my comfort zone and I see how little I grew during that period. While there were times I hated my last bf for making me step outside my comfort zone and putting me in situations I didn't feel completely comfortable in, I am soo happy he did because I learned so much from it! I know that's not sexual but I'm not sure if your whole questions was in regards to the sexual comfort zone. But as long as it's not degrading and you have a loving partner behind you, I think stepping outside your comfort zone will help you grow and learn to love yourself more.
Guest Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 A lot of people use 'comfort zone' when where they really are is in a rut, stuck in the mud, or frozen. As sweetie7 said, if you don't stretch, you don't grow. And I can't imagine what would be interesting about someone who refuses to grow and wants to stay exactly the same forever. If your comfort zone is as lame as just 'ick' then it's worth trying to get past. If your comfort zone is more along the lines of 'no thanks, I prefer not to be bleeding from flay wounds as part of sex' then it's a little less unreasonable.
DanielMadr Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 I would say in general, yes, you should. I sat through 4 hours of Michael Moore drivel for an ex gf. Ahwww...Im sick. Dump her she is sadist.
Author Walk Posted October 31, 2006 Author Posted October 31, 2006 I agree with what everyone's respnses... There's some really good stuff there. Thank you. I read one post where a woman was saying she won't give her bf a blow job unless she was feeling attractive. And it seemed from the replies as though that was an acceptable response. But I didn't understand that. I mean, I know I'm not exactly sexually excited when I'm feeling fugly, but giving my bf head isn't a matter of what I think I look like. It would be completely for him at that point. So why do most the posts seem to imply that even a small level of discomfort (not talking pain level just emotional) is reason to not do soemthing for your SO. Have any of you allowed these kinds of things to interfere with you sex life? I know a friend who refuses to give blow jobs. Not because of any moral problems with it (ie: degrading, subservient) but because it's would tire her jaw out. I told her that was kind of a lame reason not to do something your SO enjoys. And her response was tought s**t. (I'm not taking into account any other factors I may not be aware of... he might not go down on her, I don't know... I'm just taking this at face value for right now.) Anyway, I've noticed that most of my friends feel this way. That if something (usally sexual) requires work on their part, and no immediate benefit to them, then they won't do it. And it seems as if it's socially acceptable to think this way. I don't know.. It just struck me as a weird way to look at things. That you would NOT do something that would make your partner extremely happy because it wasn't something you enjoyed to the same degree as he did. Anyway... I think the truth is, I hang out with some selfish women. 'Cause they've also referred to working in the same kind of way.. it's tiring, and I won't do it.
allina Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 Anyway, I've noticed that most of my friends feel this way. That if something (usally sexual) requires work on their part, and no immediate benefit to them, then they won't do it. And it seems as if it's socially acceptable to think this way. I don't know.. It just struck me as a weird way to look at things. That you would NOT do something that would make your partner extremely happy because it wasn't something you enjoyed to the same degree as he did. No, I don't agree with this at all. I would do things for my partner that made him extremely happy even if I didn't enjoy them to the same degree, I don't think it's all about benefits for me. Everyone is so mememememe I just think there should be a line with things that you are very uncomfortable with, which is much different than just not being super in to them.
typical Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 bleeding from flay wounds :lmao: I say bend *slightly* and put up a big fight.
Guest Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 I know a friend who refuses to give blow jobs. Not because of any moral problems with it (ie: degrading, subservient) but because it's would tire her jaw out. I told her that was kind of a lame reason not to do something your SO enjoys. And her response was tought s**t. Anyway, I've noticed that most of my friends feel this way. That if something (usally sexual) requires work on their part, and no immediate benefit to them, then they won't do it. And it seems as if it's socially acceptable to think this way. Used to be that the idea of sacrifice for love or giving to the other person was understood to be a part of loving. However, some people who gave a lot got taken advantage of. So they decided that they shouldn't be taken for granted anymore. And became vocal. And started 'assertiveness training'. Unfortunately, what humans do when they try to fix a problem is they go WAY too far the other way to fix it. So then rather than people trying to establish relationships in which each person gives to the other, they decided that ANY giving equates to being 'stepped on' and so they think that giving is weak. It was a short step to the 'me me me' generation. So now you see that people (usually, sad to say, women) are all about themselves - even when they claim to love people. What they really love is getting their way. Anyway... I think the truth is, I hang out with some selfish women. 'Cause they've also referred to working in the same kind of way.. it's tiring, and I won't do it. Selfish and spoiled!
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