basscatcher Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I had a interesting weekend. As I posted in other threads other details of the weekend I am going to focus this one on my long, drawn out, roller-coaster relationship with Charlie. Sunday morning, after a nite of too much partying, he call me. He asked me what I was doing later and asked if we could get together. I told him I didn't know. He said that we needed to talk. I told him I had plans to catch up with a gf who just returned from Mexico and I didn't know what time she and I would meet up. He again said we needed to talk. So I told him he can talk. He proceeded to say that he couldn't do this anymore. That it had to end it. He said I was making decisions like a 16 yr old girl and that he had to focus on his children. He told me that he was a one woman guy and that with me being indecisive he couldn't continue on the way we were. I told him I understood. He stated he didn't know if he and I would ever be able to work things out later on or if we could ever get back together and again he said it had to end and he couldn't continue on like this. I again said I understood. He then said 'Bye" and hung up. His voice was filled with nervousness and he was talking really fast. Almost, like if he didn't get it out he would fall apart and not succeed in his attempt to break off everything with me. I didn't have anything to say to him other then I understood. When he hung up without asking me if I had anything more to say or without hesitating for a response from me (which I had nothing to say) I was laying in bed hung-over in awe. The only response I had was "WOW". I wasn't upset or hurt. I was in shock that he had the strength to actually end it. He has been so whiney, clingy, needy and pouty for the past 2 weeks. He has always been very persistant in chasing and holding onto me. So this is a 180* turn on his part. I'm very proud of him for being able to do it for once... I hesitate to wonder if he will stay true to himself and keep his distance and disconnect from me. Before he lasted 3 days and the max 1 week. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel a sense of relief. It is odd.
KittenMoon Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Considering everything that's gone on, and your feeling about it, it doesn't sounds so much like you got dumped as the relationship was "gracefully bowed out of". Which sounds like it will be better for both of you.
Author basscatcher Posted October 30, 2006 Author Posted October 30, 2006 Considering everything that's gone on, and your feeling about it, it doesn't sounds so much like you got dumped as the relationship was "gracefully bowed out of". Which sounds like it will be better for both of you. I believe its better for me because he was really beginning to rub me the wrong way and I have told him more then once the past 2 weeks that groveling at me wasn't helping. He was turning me off not being strong. He was acting like a needy, clingy, overly dependant man who could function without me in his life. The only thing he WASNT doing was crying. I feel bad for him because I know he was really hurting inside. He wanted me to just fix my feelings over night and ride off into the sunset with him and live happily ever after. I couldn't do that. I think he and I both have enough wounds from one another and this is a good thing. He wouldn't accept a break up or repreive before. He must have been hurting enough that he had to bow out.. I'm ok with it.. Funny how people seem to break up just before a holiday or birthday. He and I both have birthdays in the next 2 weeks
Buttaflyy Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Glad you're feeling ok about all of this pada, but maybe you should have let him go a while ago? Well shouldas don't matter now I know, but I think you may have already been over him and that's why you feel the way you do about the breakup. Sort of like a...relief?
Mz. Pixie Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I believe its better for me because he was really beginning to rub me the wrong way and I have told him more then once the past 2 weeks that groveling at me wasn't helping. He was turning me off not being strong. He was acting like a needy, clingy, overly dependant man who could function without me in his life. Okay, I'm confused Pada. You wanted him to show you attention before but now that he has it's bad?? When did the tide change???
Author basscatcher Posted October 30, 2006 Author Posted October 30, 2006 Okay, I'm confused Pada. You wanted him to show you attention before but now that he has it's bad?? When did the tide change??? NO NO NO.. With the affection he gave me, to which I haven't complained about, he started whining.. He started to get needy. I couldn't do anything without him knowing where I was going, who I was going with, What time I was leaving, When I was coming back, He always wanted to come along. He would start to make all these plans for him and I without consulting me first to see what I had going on. He became possessitve and attempted to be controlling.. He wasn't forceful in what he was doing, He was insecure, afraid all the time. paranoid almost, Its like once he opened up his heart all this baggage came flowing with it...
Guest Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 the same thing happened to me...i thought i had certain skills but when push can to shove i realized i only possesed them as abstracts. just because u believe in honesty and respect and acceptence, etc. does mean diddly if you haven't walked the dawg. but i will tell u one thing, when the time comes where u need everything you got, and you look down and find the emperior has no clothes, u will sink mighty fast in the river of self-pity until you wind up being awaken by some stranger in a chat room saying 'and how will u be paying for that? mastercard or visa'! that's the time you learn who to use those mofos really fast and toss off the triggers and tiggers and lions and more/...lol well, take it day at a time really [blushes]
Ssheena Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I think: He was acting like a needy, clingy, overly dependant man who could function without me in his life that was supposed to be "couldn't", right? Sounds just like when I broke up with my boyfriend. I look back at the things that irritated me about him for months and that I kept on pushing aside and pretending like they didn't really drive me up the wall and weirdness and being at different places in our lives etc and finally I send him an email saying I had to take a break, and I was SO relieved. Then he called up and swapped it around so that he broke up with me and we were "definitely over" (which I freaked about momentarily). Now, 4 weeks later, I'm back to being relieved. I'm a very independant, semi-secure woman and I'm so sick of being with someone who basically has no real sense of self. I have kids, I don't need a clingy guy who can't or won't do anything on his own. Whew. I don't know if he will come back or not but right now, I don't want him back. Ya know, there really is nothing wrong with being ambitious, motivated, and unwilling to just go through life - la dee da.. and let life just happen to them. Some people have had really miserable childhoods and have risen above them and dealt with what happened and he was/is just stuck. Sorry, I'm ranting. It really got to the point where I didn't want anything more to do with him.
Author basscatcher Posted October 30, 2006 Author Posted October 30, 2006 I think: He was acting like a needy, clingy, overly dependant man who could function without me in his life that was supposed to be "couldn't", right? Correct. I had a typo (nothing new!? ) I have had problems with him for some time. If you go back through my threads I started under my profile You will see the issues. I broke up with him back in April and seen him off and on for several months afterwards. I didn't let my wall down with him until Labor Day weekend. I had since reconnected with an old flame in July and wasn't sure where that was going either. There have been too many odd and strange dynmaics and I was willing to go through all of them and see what would happen. I've said in previous posts that I hardly leave a stone unturned when I get involved with someone. I will do my best until I have exhausted myself. I believe this one just needed to exhaust its self. He is a good guy, very caring, loving, he is affectionate after-all, but with his wall coming down came all the insecurities, neediness, clingyness, childish reactiveness, possessiveness showed.. I told him one day at a time labor day weekend and he jumped into me head first and acted like we were going to ride off into the sunset together and live happily ever after. Wrong.. I think the last 2 weeks has been the bigger turning point for me. I think 3 weeks ago I would have been distressed and uncomfortable with his decision. I'm not now.. I believe it tooks it course... I felt like he was pushing me all the time.. No more.. I'm free from it.. I feel bad for him because I know he was hurt.. I was also hurt in the first 6 months. I don't know if he will stick to his decision. He didn't last time he said he was backing off. He lasted a few days and came back declaring his feelings for me.. So for now I'm basking in my weightlessness.. A burden feels lifted.. (For now, and hopefully it stays this way.)
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