agrl19 Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I am engaged to a great guy...he always tells me I'm beautiful and no other woman can replace me...I believe him, but I don't because he'll mention women being pretty and it scares me because when he says a woman is pretty like on TV or in the mall or where ever, I don't feel good enough for him. I feel like I need to change my looks or personality to compare to the woman he thinks is pretty. Every time we watch a movie with pretty girls in it...I watch his face to see if he's looking at her in a sexual way. I know that sounds kinda insane...I'm not...I just don't like him looking at women or talking or huging other women. I don't tell him what he can and cannot do. That's wrong...I just don't like it...makes me feel bad about myself. I talked to him about it once and he told me that yea, he thinks some women are pretty, but they don't matter...he says I am the only one he thinks about and loves. His friends are only girls too...that really scares me...I mean...what if he gets too close with one of them? That would hurt. He says he loves me and only me and I SHOULD believe him, but I can't trust him. Been hurt before. I hate that feeling. I love him so much and I couldn't leave him for another guy....I don't even look at other men because Josh is the only one I care about. I don't understand why he says other women are pretty, when I never say things like that about men...it's wrong....sorry for rambling...I had to get this off my shoulders.
FELIZE Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 You do have jealous tendencies. However, this isnt about him it's about you and your own insecurities & self esteem. Honey let me tell you, NO ONE can validate who you are, you dont need any man to tell you how pretty you are/are not. Just because he looks at other women and says their pretty dosent mean he's interested in them and if he tells you you're pretty and you're the only one he thinks about and love, then take that as "FACE VALUE".....you could possibly run him away with all your insecurities. Try some self-help books on - Trust, insecurities and self esteem.
ash519 Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 I can completely relate to how you are feeling and I hate it too!!! I notice pretty girls before he even does.Then i will try and watch him to see if he looks and if he does i get this terrible feeling in my stomach and cant stop thinking about it for a while. Insecurity doesnt even begin to describe it. My bf of 19 months is also in a band. They are just about to start playing out at bars and stuff and i am not a huge fan of it. I get worried that if im not there and there are lots of pretty girls there he may meet and fall for one or they may pursue him a lot. AUGH! I hate thinking of it. I cant go to all his shows because i cater, but i go to a lot of them. I go because I am supportive, not because of the jealousy. I am getting better though. My bg, just like yours, tells me how much he loves me and nobody else compares and we just have to trust them (as hard as it is due to our pasts). It is true, stuff like this can tear a relationship apart, even if there is a lot of love. When things come up, take a deep breath. Pretty girls are everywhere on tv and in stores etc, it's something we can never change. We just really have to try and build confidence in ourselves and think "why would he want to be with anybody else??" And ya know what, as heart breaking as it may be if they did leave for someone else or cheat, that means they arent worth it and we deserve somebody who cares for us as much as we care for them!
blind_otter Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 Self esteem issues, not jealousy issues. You have negative self-talk stating that you aren't "good enough" but lack the skills to logically refute that chatter in your head. Luckily I'm bisexual so when I notice a pretty girl it's mostly because I'm sexually attracted to her.
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