gempen Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I'm new here, found this site while searching for tips on how to cope up with long term relationship breakups. well obviously im having a hard time trying to cope with this situation. My 5 years relationship with my boyfriend just ended and it feels like hell. i just cant grab the fact thats it's all over. We met during our freshmen days in college, became friends but when i found out that he liked me i started avoiding him, simply because i knew he was a player, he has his ways with girls, i don't know if it's intentional or if thats just his aura. For 3 years we were casual friends, i guess i couldn't avoid him totally mainly because we where in the same college and more we were classmates in a couple of subjects. On our 1st semester of our 3rd year we landed in the same block section , thats when he started sending out hints that he likes me, he didn't actually court me but he had his ways through simple gestures, then again we were block mates the following semester thats when it all started, with one simple reply through a text message, i gave a " what if situation" and he presumed that that was a "yes". I cant say that i was forced into the relationship because somehow in my subconscious mind i knew i had feelings for him but was just holding back!!! I had my fare share of suitors back then but no one else came close to what i had for him. The first couple of years was a blast:love: . We shared a lot of memories together from simply hanging out with friends, late night cramming on deadlines of projects and all sorts of other activities. We graduated together and both reviewed for the engineering licensure exam, during those couple of months of review i didn't notice that he was cheating on me, where did i go wrong? we were together almost every day and every hour, but somehow he still managed to do a little sideline.This i found out just recently, he admitted this but said that it was all over for them. His personal life with his family started to crumble and his sister died, through all those events i had nothing to do but quietly listen to his grievances and comfort him. He passed the exam that we both worked hard for and unfortunately i failed. that was so depressing for me, but the only consolation i had was the fact that he passed, and his success was part of mine, well thats what i thought....He then landed a job in another city in a province to be precise forcing us to endure a long distance relationship, nevertheless i tried to call him daily and during his day off we would meet half way. everything was going fine, i had just loaned him a large amount of money cause his family needed it so badly until again i found out that he was still cheating on me, this time it's with another woman. a co worker of his. damn i cant get it... Whats wrong with me? I know i haven't been the perfect girlfriend(well i guess no one is) during those 5 years i never cheated on him. just last week i sent him a text message saying that i knew about his present relationship and after a couple of days we met. We both agreed on cooling off for a while, i told him to fix things on his part first before he comes back looking for me, he requested that we keep our lines of communication open, which did happen, every day i would receive emails from him about the day tha passed. But it was all emotional end physical torture on my part. just couldnt stop cryin while reading his messages. i read in an online article that the best way to move on is to shut down all means of communications. last night i sent an email to him saying that i wanted exactly that, no communication. He granted my request and now im feeling really terrible.... what should i do.... I guess everythings really over now.
Confuggled_one Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Hey GemPen, Im sorry that had happened.. you were always there for him and he really does not deserve you anymore. Just ignore him for now, do something in the meanwhile to help yourself heal. i know it is extremely painful but these exes of ours will always realize things when it's too late or when we are finally moving on.. so my best word of advice right now is just pretend you are doing fine without him and live your life. dont use stupid reasons to try and reachout to him.. wait for him to reachout to you. always let him be the one intiating contact. i hope this helps.. feel better -Confuggled
D-Lish Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Once a cheater...always a cheater? probably. COuld you endure that? Could you trust him again? No contact is exactly the way to go. It will be hard, but given the circumstances it looks like the right way to handle the situation. You deserve way better than someone who cheats. If you stick to the NC he will inevitably come crawling back at some point. A changed person? Probably not. Ask yourself what you deserve out of a partner- and ask yourself if he is that person. Keep yourself busy. Use your support system, and above all else realize that not all men are like this guy. If your instincts tell you that your next suiter is a player... trust those feelings... we don't often pay attention to our instincts and they are often right. D
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