Guest Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Well the past 3 weeks has been total crap for me. I was in a relationship with a girl I have liked for along time. Over the past 2 years or so she had expressed interest in me, though only once directly. The other times it was with friends and so on but it never got to my ears. Anyway her desire to have a man and be married was so strong she started a relationship with a co-worker of hers who is quite a few years younger than her and also somewhat immature. However no one who knew them knew this. A few months ago I approached her, told her I liked her, asked what her "status" was and if we could meet up sometime. She accepted. About a week later we meet and talked into the night. It was fabulous. However at this point she never indicated she had been in a relationship and was still in it. Doh. Anyway we agree to give it a shot. 2 days later she calls me and has this really weird vibe on the phone and says she wants to marry this other guy. At this point that was the first I knew she was in a relationship. Ok, was my reply. I wished her well and that was that. The very next day she starts freaking out. She's not sure who she wants to be with. By the end of the day she decides it's me she wants to be with. Over the course of the next few days, myself and friends discover how deep her relationship was with this guy. Most were shocked and told me to get the hell out of there. I'm a forgiving person. She said how bad her relationship was this this guy. How it was just sex basically, that he was immature, asked and did weird things and she had been miserable, had even considered suicide (not sure how much she really considered it lol), and was thanking God, I had come into her life. I believe she was sincere and so did others. While I may have been the rebound guy, she as I mentioned before had really liked me for quite a few years. So after the whole drama of the situation dies down, she talks to her ex a few times as he's distraught. Though I never really believed he loved her. I know this guy. He had said he wanted to keep his options open. And was only going crazy as she left him and he had lost the power of the relationship. I'm not sure what kind of love they had together but she would tell me it was bad for her. Anyway, we take things slow for the first 3-4 weeks. She seems very happy and always thankful I am so understanding and did not reject her. Slowly but then really quickly, somehow we start discussing marriage. She's into it in a huge way. Even us looking at rings, houses, the whole shebang. But... during the last 2 weeks of our relationship, while she is pushing this whole marriage thing to the hilt, she then gets moody, says she needs space, feels she's losing her independence etc. She also starts to be less physical with me in terms of touching, kissing etc. I'm not a shrewd person, so I think ok, this is simply one of the trials of relationships, and I must always be supportive and understanding. Turns out she then wants some more space and wants a week to sort things out. But the tone of her voice on a phone call one day told me everything I needed to know. She was running from this relationship and it was over. A few days later, I finally got to see her, but only due to me knowing she would be at a friends house at that time. Her whole body language was off. She wouldn't look me in the eye, had her hair down covering her face etc. She says, I've been doing alot of thinking... yeah a lot of thinking and she felt we simply were not compatible. I laughed and said, ok, but I don't think that's a real reason as we wouldn't have been actively discussing marriage and the practicalities of it if she felt we were not a match. She didn't respond too well to that one and decided not to tell me the rest of the "reasons" why were were not compatible etc. Her #2 reason was... she still had strong feelings for her ex. Ok, now that was something I could understand. She ended saying it was her decision and for me to please accept it and to not fight for her, there are plenty of other nice girls out there blah blah blah. I barely got a word in and she would threaten to leave if I said anything basically. So that was that. I was gutted, but what could I do. I sent her an email the next day and said, while I was sad, I would honor her decision and not contact her again. Doh again. I lasted 1 day and already I was sending emails. I couldn't help myself. She never responded to any of them. A week or 2 later, she sent me an email saying she was really sorry, she didn't mean to hurt me, I had done nothing wrong. She said she had to be with the person she loved, the love of her life etc. This got me even more confused as I knew she was not lying when she said it was a bad relationship. That was basically the last contact we had. It's been 3+ weeks now. I miss her like no one else in my life. I still do not feel like the rebound guy as she had wanted to be with me for quite awhile and I also had a strong attraction to her. From friends, I heard she was going to get married next year to this guy. Finally this guy had actually made a commitment to a girl unlike all the others he has strung along for the "friends" with benefits routine. Maybe that is why she left him in the first place is because he never would commit. Then I hear they are getting married next week. OMFG. I was crushed. I had thought she'd snap out of her lust for this guy and see their relationship was not healthy. Mutual friends have all distanced themselves from this guy and her to some degree as they were over his dishonesty and lying to everyone. He lied to her all the time and yet she still and does not see this. This next week is going to be utter hell for me. Despite what is all happened, I was the better guy. But she cannot see past her attachment to this guy. I know I probably don't have a chance in hell of winning her back, but I had to tell someone my story as you never know what will happen. Thanks for reading along.
D-Lish Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Wow, girl sounds like a bit of a nut (sorry). Sometimes, being the "better guy" doesn't get you anywhere, and that's through no fault of your own. This isn't about you~ it's about her and him and their unhealthy entaglement. Be lucky you aren't part of the drama anymore. Be a better guy with a woman without baggage who honors you for who you are. Her loss. People make irrational and stupid decisions everyday. You might have made one by deciding to marry this girl after such a short period of dating. WTF? That's pressure. Sounds like she's more concerned in fulfilling her social destiny as a wife and mother than she is about choosing the right partner to spend her life with. Be thankful you didn't make that committment to her. It will take time to get through this pain... but you will. Sorry this happened. There are stable healthy girls out there that will appreciate you for who you are. D
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