Guest Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I'm having issues with friendship all together! My problem is that I just can't make friends. In high school I had a major group of friends, but then my senior year they drifted off. I've always been shy but I just want really good friends. Friends that I can be stupid with and be close with. I feel like I have never fit in anywhere. I'm in college right now and I've pretty much only made 2 friends. I came to college not knowing anyone from high school, which i thought would be a brand new start. Instead I just feel inferior to everyone and I don't know what to say to become friends with someone. I think a lot of it has to do with my low self esteem. I just feel so different than everyone else. I also have had a boyfriend for the last year which has something to do with it I know. He has pretty much been my best friend and I think thats okay. He is in college far away, but he is doing just fine with making friends. I guess i just have a hard time finding good girlfriends. I just think everyone thinks I'm weird or something. Most of my high school friends have already forgotten about me, which sucks, but they were never true friends. I just don't know what is wrong with me. When i open up myself i feel like everyone just doesn't like who i am. I'm really nice and I can be dumb sometimes, but i don't think I'm that bad. I'm just stuck in a rut right now. It hurts that I used to have girlfriends and now i sit alone on weekends. I feel incredibly stupid and sad. You know you are a loser (which i never used to be) when you are looking for friendship tips online. Please help me somebody. what is wrong with me.
magichands Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I'm in college right now and I've pretty much only made 2 friends. I only have time for a few close friends. With everything else in your life going on!? You know you are a loser (which i never used to be) when you are looking for friendship tips online. Maybe you've always been a loser, but just not realised it. Just kidding. Do you like the two friends that you have? I think the key is to just get out and about. Don't hibernate. Believe it or not, you don't actually need to do everything "with a friend." Sure, it is easier that way - but doing things that aren't necessarily easy is character-building, and gives you more confidence. Attitude is all-important. You need to be relaxed...otherwise you won't be that much fun to be around. A little smile here and there helps. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Well, except that you haven't signed up as a LoveShack member yet. I'll let you off this time.
ScorpioLady Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 You know i think you’re asking for abit to much from people. There comes a point in life where all you’re left with is TRUE friends and if you’re happy with the 2 friends you have then whats the problem? People change as they get older it’s a sad fact of life, some people you may find you have everything in common with and some people you will find you don’t. If your not careful your going to find yourself making friends with people you wouldn’t necessarily be-friend because you strive to fit in with people in hope you will find true friends. Believe me when i started college i was so worried i would not find any new friends and be walking around like a loner but when i got there i must have made friends with the most STRANGEST group of people who i would never normally even speak to outside of college and i just fount it made me feel even stupider than what i would if i was on my own. People expect to find perfect friends but unfortunately there’s no such thing. True friends come in all different packages, you might find that out of your 2 remaining friends that friend number 1 is great at listening and a great laugh but shes very unreliable and lies alot then you might find friend number2 is a terrible listener but you know that there honest and if ever you need a friend when your down you can rely on them to be there. You see what im getting at? There’s quality’s in everyone that if you combined in to one person they would be perfect but in the real world we can’t do that. Hope you sort things out
jletter Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 The best tip I ever got when it came to meeting new people when I was starting at a new school was to get involved in something. Pick a sport to participate in, or a charity to work for, a club or activity group or organization or *something* where you think you'll meet like-minded people. You don't necessarily have to be that into the cause or subject area (as long as you don't let people know that at first), but you can just get involved in order to meet people who are also putting themselves out there. Just a thought, maybe it'll help. Best of luck.
peterparks Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Get involved in school organizations. That's what I can come up with now.
JCD Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 I met lots of friends in math study group while in college.
Guest Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 I met lots of friends in math study group while in college. hey See its not important how many frnds u have , wat more important is how many GOOD FRNDS U HAVE ! I understand u must b feeling lonely n wonderin y u cant enjoy those group stuff , believ me all that group frndship is rubbish they just do show off n behind ur back they will bitch abt u , Infact U SHOULD FEEL LUCKY U HAVE 2 GOOD FRNDS , n i think u should spend more time with those 2 frnds rather than bothering abt group frnd n stuff they r just NAMESAKE GOOD FRND. n If u really need a frnd u can b my frnd i dont mind , REMEMBER NOTHIN IS WRONG WITH U U R JUST FEELIN A BIT LONELY I SUPPOSE!!!!!
Guest Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 There is nothing wrong with you!! I, too, thought that college would be a fresh start. I just graduated college and I only have 2 or 3 true friends, and that's it. They both live far away (at least a sixteen hour drive) and we only speak occasionally (not even once a week usually because we're so busy). In high school, I had a group of about 5 real friends, but when we entered college we all grew apart. In college, I had 2 real friends my first year, but we pretty much stopped talking after that year. I didn't meet my TRUE friends until about midway through my second year. We are closer than ever, but like I said before, we live far away from each other right now. The best part, though, is that i know I can count on them for anything, even though we're so far apart. I would rather have my 2 true friends than 20 "friends" who are really acquaintances- someone to go to the movies with, but not someone you can tell your deepest secrets to. My advice is, if you have found your TRUE friends, even if there is only 2 of them, be happy with those 2 true friends. Also, don't be afraid to go places alone, such as eating at the dining hall, or to be alone on weekends- there is nothing wrong with that. If you really feel awkward, bring a book to read or notes to study. As suggested above, joining a group is a great idea or, if you are in several classes with someone, suggest that you two get together to study or get lunch between classes. I became friendly with several people that way because we had three classes together in one semester and we all ended up bonding over them. Don't worry about how many friends you have; instead, focus on the quality of the friendships. Good luck!
Kamille Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Great advice so far. I've moved a lot and attended 3 different universities so I know how you feel. Here is what I keep in mind: 1) You don't make the same impression on everyone. I don't know how to explain this one, but it is one I think people with low self-esteem stuggle with a lot. They often get the impression that there is a general consensus out there about how they are perceived. There isn't. Just think about it a little bit. You probably perceive different people differently at different times. You hopefully don't always agree with your friends' perception of others. Or your first-impression of someone has changed over time. I know I was able to let go of my feelings of inadequacy when I realized, in one of my grad seminars, that not everyone was going to think what I was saying was stupid. Some of them would agree with me, others not. Others yet, would form no opinion, or perhaps not have even listened. You can see the same thing happening on this forum. I think the same applies in every day life with the people we encounter. 2) Value the friendships that you have. This includes those two friends and you boyfriend. You might even want to try getting in touch with those friends you think have forgotten all about you. I don't know what makes you think they have forgotten all about you, so this one is harder to address. But I'll venture they haven't forgotten all about you, they have just caught up in their own lives but will be very happy to see you the next time you meet - or would be very happy to hear from you.
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