moi8 Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Hello there, First of all I don’t want to be judged on what I will say, all I want is some advice and guidance. I got involved with a married man who left his wife for me 2 years ago and now lives with me, but doesn’t disclose any information about his finances. We both have children from exs. He works long hours during the week, and on the weekend he plays soccer and spends time with his children. He is unwilling to commit 100% because he says that it takes time, his kids from his first marriage don’t want to meet me because they are afraid of their mum who threatens them, so he just spends his weekends with them and me on my on. My children associate with him totally. This is the big problem in our relationship, and I feel that he keeps me hidden and he worries more about his ex wife feelings than mine. I have been telling him that if he doesn’t want to be with me than why stay, he should go back to them if he worries more about them than I. But all he says is that he loves and tells me to be patient as it takes time for his wife to get over the whole incident. I feel so miserable, I work and go home and do nothing else, put my life on hold for him in the hope that things will change, but will they???? I can’t seem to let him go, as I love him so much but at the same time, I am getting fed up of waiting for us to be a couple 100% and feel free to be that way. I hope that someone will have an answer for me.
whichwayisup Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Has he and his wife divorced? Or are they just separated? 2 years is a long time to wait, and for him not to let his kids meet or even be around you and your kids makes me wonder if he still isn't sure what he wants. If their marriage is really 100% over, then he shouldn't be having a problem including you in ALL aspects of his life. Have you met his friends? His parents? Any siblings?
outofdarkness Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 I think that this MM is still very much married! It just sounds too fishy and sneaky...I have the same question as the other poster and that is: Have you met his family, any of his friends? What you have described seems like a hidden A to me...I'll bet he's living two separate lives..It is easy to do for someone who is good at multi tasking and deception...Just some thoughts.
lovernotafighter Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 he is living with you right? does he spend the weekends with his wife and not in your home or bed? wouldn't his wife question why he is living with you if he sleeps at your home you share every night? I don't know..I have talked with my now ex MM about when he leaves about when I should meet his child and I am the one who doesn't feel I should meet his son till he is much older..perhaps if his children are young he is afraid of how they will react to the situation.
Jane Doe Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Him hiding his finances from you sounds very suspect to me. I agree with the others; he sounds still very married to me. It's time for you to decide if you're willing to live this way indefinitely because it's not likely he'll change.
Ladyjane14 Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 If your affair was something of an 'exit strategy' from his marriage, it's not unreasonable that the MM will fail to commit. I suppose it all depends on why he left the marriage. Most guys will paint a fairly negative picture of the BW, that's not unusual. But sometimes the bigger truth is that they feel 'the old ball and chain' is just too weighty. They fear commitment, and feel trapped in their role as husband and father. A guy like that will do his very best to avoid 'jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire'.
PoshPrincess Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I don't know..I have talked with my now ex MM about when he leaves about when I should meet his child and I am the one who doesn't feel I should meet his son till he is much older..perhaps if his children are young he is afraid of how they will react to the situation. I agree with this. I don't think it is TOO unusual for your man not to have introduced you to his kids. A little hurtful, yes, but I can see his reasons. He is trying to protect them. I'm not saying he's right - they need to deal with your relationship at some time - it's just that maybe this is the only way he can deal with it right now. However, as others have asked, have you met the rest of his family? Parents, brothers and sisters, etc? If not, then that's a whole different ball game. That would maybe suggest that he is not fully committed to you, although doesn't necessarily mean he is still having a R with his STBex! I think you should discuss with him where he sees your R going. It's only fair that he is honest with you, especially as you have your own children to think about.
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