Aloros Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 I've been dating the greatest guy for about four months. He's funny, amibitious, smart, supportive, very good-looking, and treats me like I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him. Basically, he's all that I want in a guy. He's not perfect, but who is, right? We have a good deal in common and like doing the same sorts of things. He's just amazing. Despite all this, I haven't been able to bring myself to tell him that I love him. He's told me, several times, but I can't seem to say it back and I don't know why. I do love him. I honestly think this could be the guy I end up marrying, and I've always been a bit leery of commitment. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to burst with it, but I can't seem to get the words out. I keep telling myself I'll tell him on such-and-such night, and then that night passes without it. I've even tried getting drunk (liquid courage, right?) and I still can't say it. How idiotic is this? He's already told me he loves me. What do I have to be afraid of? I'm wondering if maybe it has to do with my experience with my ex, who told me he loved me, I said it back, and then he rescinded it, for over a year. Is there anything I can do to make it easier? Maybe I just need a pep talk or something.
magichands Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Is there anything I can do to make it easier? Maybe I just need a pep talk or something. Calm down...there is obviously something holding you back - and there is no "timetable" for things like this. If you get desperate you can always lip-sync "elephant" - works like a charm. Forget the drunk idea. What does ILY mean to you? Does it mean the equivalent of commitment? It would to me. So, hold back until you're ready to commit to this dude...seriously. Maybe you could explain to him what ILY means to you - I think that such things should be discussed.
IpAncA Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Yeah your experience with your ex could have something to do with it. Are you afraid that if you say it the same thing will happen to you again? To tell you the truth I had a hard time saying it to my H at first. He said it me a couple of times and I didn't say anything. I wanted to but at the time I just didn't believe that he loved me. So what I did was the next time that he said it I just said it back. That was the easiest way to do it That way I could just get saying it the first time out of the way and it wouldn't seem akward.
magichands Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 So what I did was the next time that he said it I just said it back. That was the easiest way to do it Or the next time he says ILY, just say "ditto" back. That is so annoying, haha.
Touche Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Maybe just tell him the next time he says it to you, that you feel the same way. Tell him that although you feel the same way, you're scared and not ready to fully verbalize that. Ask him for his understanding, patience and time. That would be better than not saying anything to him at all. And you DID say that you DO love him. If you really do, then you don't want to hurt him by not acknowledging his feelings for you at all. Try telling him that you feel the same way at least. And eventually, when the time is right, you should have no problem telling him that you love him too.
alphamale Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 I've been dating the greatest guy for about four months. He's funny, amibitious, smart, supportive, very good-looking, and treats me like I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him. He's told me, several times, but I can't seem to say it back and I don't know why. . Because he is a "nice guy" and quite boring. You don't have the sexual and romantic chemistry with him. He is conservative, lack-luster, unintersting and probably very predictable. He is boring marriage material type guy. You need the bad boy type who will knock your socks off and treat you badly.
magichands Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Because he is a "nice guy" and quite boring. You don't have the sexual and romantic chemistry with him. He is conservative, lack-luster, unintersting and probably very predictable. He is boring marriage material type guy. I agree with everything but the last sentence...he is perfect marriage material type guy. Oh - and I think he gets her off, too.
Touche Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Uh, hate to break it to some of you, but "boring" and "marriage material" don't necessarily go together..not in my book anyway.
magichands Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Uh, hate to break it to some of you, but "boring" and "marriage material" don't necessarily go together..not in my book anyway. Exactly. C'mon baby light my fire (a slightly unorthodox marriage proposal, I'll admit).
Touche Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Exactly. C'mon baby light my fire (a slightly unorthodox marriage proposal, I'll admit). Is polygamy legal in your state?
magichands Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Is polygamy legal in your state? I take it that your answer is no. Anyway, if I need to be alone I'm locking you in the basement.
Touche Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 I take it that your answer is no. Anyway, if I need to be alone I'm locking you in the basement. I didn't say yes OR no...I only asked if polygamy was legal in your state. Well, IS it? Oh and I'm not big on basements.
Author Aloros Posted October 29, 2006 Author Posted October 29, 2006 Because he is a "nice guy" and quite boring. You don't have the sexual and romantic chemistry with him. He is conservative, lack-luster, unintersting and probably very predictable. He is boring marriage material type guy. You need the bad boy type who will knock your socks off and treat you badly. Wow, that doesn't describe him at all. The first thing that really got me was the amazing sexual and romantic chemistry we have. He literally makes me weak in the knees. We have sex at least once/day, and he definitely "knocks my socks off" . Lack-luster, conservative, predictable, and uninteresting he is not. I like the nice guys, and in my opinion, a man doesn't need to be boring to achieve kindness. And being nice does not preclude confidence or assertiveness, both qualities of which are very attractive - to me and many other women. There is a vast gulf between a bad boy and a stereotypical nice guy (who has a passive, or perhaps passive-aggressive personality). I enjoy a happy medium between the two. Thanks for the advice, magichands, IpAncA, and Touche. Maybe I should just relax about it and let it happen when it happens. I definitely don't want to hurt him, though, which is why I'm so worked up about it. I guess I'm hoping he knows from my actions how I feel, and hopefully, with time, the words will come.
alphamale Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Wow, that doesn't describe him at all. The first thing that really got me was the amazing sexual and romantic chemistry we have. He literally makes me weak in the knees. We have sex at least once/day, and he definitely "knocks my socks off" . Lack-luster, conservative, predictable, and uninteresting he is not.. ...then why can't you tell him you love him? Explain that conundrum.
magichands Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 There is a vast gulf between a bad boy and a stereotypical nice guy (who has a passive, or perhaps passive-aggressive personality). I enjoy a happy medium between the two. Are you talking about a threesome?! Not my cup of tea. I guess I'm hoping he knows from my actions how I feel, I can't see how he doesn't. You've got a real rocket-man there...don't let go!
IpAncA Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 ...then why can't you tell him you love him? Explain that conundrum. Will you tell that poor guy that you love him already... Lol! Just kidding. Seems like you would want to just say it. The emotions are there and from what you have posted, you love him more then anything. What is keeping you from saying it?
alphamale Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 . You've got a real rocket-man there...don't let go! And I think it's gonna be a long long time Till touch down brings me round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home Oh no no no I'm a rocket man Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone - Elton John
melodymatters Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 How about writing it ? whether a slip of paper, a nice card, or in the steam on the bathroom mirror ? ( that one always gets to me, you don't even know it's there til you get out of the shower,) sigh......
IpAncA Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 How about writing it ? whether a slip of paper, a nice card, or in the steam on the bathroom mirror ? ( that one always gets to me, you don't even know it's there til you get out of the shower,) sigh...... Thats a great idea. Try that if you don't want to say it yet. Kind of like warming up to it.
magichands Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Thats a great idea. Try that if you don't want to say it yet. Kind of like warming up to it. I agree...that sounds really sweet. But it all amounts to the same thing, whether you write it or say it. Be comfortable with it. Hmmm...unless you're the one that has to clean the f*cking bathroom mirror.
alphamale Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Thats a great idea. Try that if you don't want to say it yet. Kind of like warming up to it. Swallowing a man's semen always seems to say "I love you" in an indirect way...
nicki Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Just say it on the phone, at the end of your conversation. He'll love that. As in, *sleepy voice* "Goodnight.....love you." It's the easiest way to get it out first.
IpAncA Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Swallowing a man's semen always seems to say "I love you" in an indirect way... yeah I'm sure it does.
magichands Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 yeah I'm sure it does. Yuck. The things you do for love.
IpAncA Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Yuck. The things you do for love. You wouldn't even believe what I do for that man. Well maybe you could.
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