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Regrets...Heartbreak..Myspace. Random but I just need some perspective . :-(


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My bf broke up with me in May. we had a LDR. He was not happy in the relationship because in a nutshell he felt as if I did not treat him well or take the relationship seriously, and that i was selfish. He treated me very very wel, and was a good freind to me. He said that he did not feel that I genuinely cared about him or what was important to him, and that I was difficult to talk to.

 

he tried to tell me these things during the relationship but i just blew it off, i didnt think seriously about it at the time, and now i want to beat myself up over it. i dont know why i did that, i was stupid. He said that he thinks that I needed to mature and grow up, and that he thinks it was because of my lack of relationship experience.

 

So he broke up with me in May after a huge fight. I was completely devastated. I finally "got it." We continued to speak several months after, and he said that he felt like had to break up with me or i would never have understood and realized. i felt that he continued to string me along after that..(i also saw a new side of him, a side that i hadnt seen before. he did not treat me very well during this period, he said a lot of hurtful things, which he attributed to him being stressed and me pushing him to be that way).

 

we spoke almost everyday, and decided on seeing each other, it was about 4 months later. he had said that he thinks i have changed, and told me not to expect anything but he wanted to see me to see how he feels.( i knew i was taking a risk). he saw me, and didnt feel the same way anymore. he said he felt guilty and wished he had allowed me to see him sooner.this was about 2 months ago, and i am still very very heartbroken.

To the point, we are doing NC.

 

or at least i am trying. i feel lame even saying this, but we both have myspaces, and he is dating someone else now. i torture myself, and look at the things he says to her and the things she says to him. i sent him a random PM about something stupid, just as an excuse, and he said that he does like her, and that he is seeing her.

 

this is eating me up inside, and i cant stop looking! he was really nice about it but i am so in love. he said that he just cant give me what i want and that he loves me but he doesnt have it in him to do a LDR anymore. he just doesnt feel the same way anymore.

 

it seems to me that he genuinely likes this girl, she seems very "his type." its killing me inside, and the fact that i can see it makes it hurt so much more. i know im just torturing myself and making things worse, but its so addicting! :-( i I know i need to stop looking and move on, but its so difficult. i think a part of it has to do with the fact that i have regrets, and feel like if i wasnt so blind the first time around things would have worked out differently.

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