Guest---cb Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 I dont get it?? Me and my husband have been separated now for 4 months. To get to point, I struggled with it all, I cried almost every night, couldnt eat, couldnt sleep, sometimes couldnt even get out of bed. I found myself trying hard to show him what he left and hopifully what he is missing. But it didnt matter. I would call him and go see him often. As time has passed I fing myself struggling with my own feelings. See, it makes me mad to think my marriage is like this. I thought when you loved someone, you do what ever it takes to work things out. Looking over time, I feel like my marriage might of been over years ago maybe about 5 years ago, and I did not see it. Over all we became roommates with benefits. The thought I was just a benefit makes me sick. Every time we get together I can not stop myself from talking about our relationship, telling him I want him to come home. He responses, "I dont know what the big deal is, we just live in separate places, but are relationship is still the same", what do you call this? Living in separate places to me changes the whole relationship, am I wrong? He doesnt really call me often to see how I am, what I am doing, if I need anything.. I seem to do all the calling, at times I even feel like I am bugging him. I hate that feeling. Yesterday we went out to dinner and we were talking about the holidays coming up, I hate the thought of this one. But any ways, he told me him and his family are going to texas, "his family'", at first I was thinking really we are going to Texas, but then I realized his family did not consist of me and my kids, just him and his kids, mother and father. For the first time I realized, "What have I been doing, trying to work things out, but when in all honesty my relationship is over"!! I found myself crying inside, then a couple tears came. I pulled myself together, but it was hard. Through the night I had a hard time talking to him, a big part of me just wanted to go home. But hung it out.. I went home feeling very empty, kinda of numb.. I did tell him to take care just as thought I would never see him again. I think that might be for the best. On Nov, 12 we will be married 10 yrs, and it hurts like hell.. Anymore I just dont know what to do.. A big part of me says to file for the big D, but the other part tells me to hang in there. I start to think about what he said, "we are still married just live in different places", this tells me our lives together really never met anything, kinda of a slap in the face. So now what???
CryingCanuck Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 The big D is something I have to face daily and don;t want to. As far and heart <VS> head, my head tells me it's over nothing more can be done, my heart on the other hand, still at times holds out some type of hope. It's so wrong to hang onto something that died, but we do anyway. I have a friend who I have been seeing now ( as friends) for a month or so, she's a widow and it took her over two years to get over her late husbands death, but we have such similar hurts.... She said something to me that really got to me, at least she can let go because there is nothing you can do at all he's dead, gone, never to come back... Us on the other hand live with the thoughts or fears or dreams that maybe.. someday it might be fixed.... Death I feel would have been so much easier to deal with.................... Anyway not sure if that comforts you, but you have many here with the exact same story as yours.... CC
ilmw Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 The big D is something I have to face daily and don;t want to. As far and heart <VS> head, my head tells me it's over nothing more can be done, my heart on the other hand, still at times holds out some type of hope. It's so wrong to hang onto something that died, but we do anyway. I have a friend who I have been seeing now ( as friends) for a month or so, she's a widow and it took her over two years to get over her late husbands death, but we have such similar hurts.... She said something to me that really got to me, at least she can let go because there is nothing you can do at all he's dead, gone, never to come back... Us on the other hand live with the thoughts or fears or dreams that maybe.. someday it might be fixed.... Death I feel would have been so much easier to deal with.................... Anyway not sure if that comforts you, but you have many here with the exact same story as yours.... CC Yeah CC... sometimes it would be easier... Now... you have a 'living' ghost.... it/he/she is real... there are alternatives.good/bad.. things could change...good/bad.... and we sometimes struggle with those thoughts... those things which haunt us.... With death... like you said... there is no choice.. or second chances..painful as that would be.... unless you of course believe in an after life... Has anyone got the marriage builders list... or new friend might like to read it... ... ilmw
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