fordmustangman Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 well, i don't know whats going on any more, neither of us have cheated. we have been best friends though out all of highschool, but it just isn't working any more, sence we have been together we have both put on about 30 lbs, but about a year ago i started goign to the gym and lost it. she as a bigger girl the whole time, about 5'4 180 lbs, i never was attracted to her but i did get attracted to her when we started to go out, ( after highschool i moved away for almost 2.5 years) anyways the attraction isn't there any more, we only have sex about once a month, she wants it about all the time and i just don't want to. it feels like a chore to me and i would rather just masturebate. (sorry not trying to be gross) i know the biggest problem is her weight and she knows that i have actually told her anyways she is kinda trying she goes to the gym but eats like a fool so i know nothing is going to change. she flips out about everything. she isn't very neat around the house ( yes we live together, actually i own a home and she lives with me) im kinda a neat freak and she has to actally be told to clean up once or twice a week. but i can't be apart, we tried to take a break a few months back, i went out and actually meet another girl, beautiful girl and we came back to my place, hung out and i couldn't do anything with her, i wanted so bad but didn't and she wanted me to. im not sure if its the though of being alone or what but every time we get into an arguement and i think it might be over i do my best to save it cause i don't want o her to leave, what do you guy recomend, i don't know what to do. thanks, btw im sure the spelling and grammer is terrible but im sure you can make it out, im on about 3 hours of sleep right now. thanks again.
Guest Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Don't beat yourself on netness! Caz sometimes there are more important tings to do! Excuse my [sp] grammer] But at the moment I am rushed to get to work. Read your thread, but hea, priorities are the score! Anyways, perhaps you could fix up the place, when expecting co. not that you have to change your day to day cycle. But, find the 5-20 minutes of time it would take to straighten up your place, self. It shows courtesy, wanting the place just right instead of sittin on some crumbs or the like. Also it shows your interest, and part of growing up so to speak... I'm sure you've heard the point of interest, from the 'folks' dept. It does come with time, and of course, you MUST show some desire to either those who live with you, by you, ect. Otherwise it is just garbage. Value your time and the time you spend with. Also your items aren't 'lost' or taken as you may suspect others to do. [That's just a juvenile excuse]. Also just pure laziness. Start to take pride in what you have and do, and you will find others will also. We change sometimes because we have to or this provides the excuse to resentment, if we are reminded to do so. But believe me would you leave your 'own' home, or brand new car in a heap of a mess? No, otherwise you would not own it for long, it will either be left for repairs, no gas, and then where would you go? Take the bus? Live in a small spare room? Seeking others out for their help? Then the options become less interesting, less exposure for something that CAN be bigger and better. Try it. Exploring and changing is good and expands your horizons. But then again, you may just like depending on others to do your dirty work for you. I don't speak for all, but then again, I learned the hard way. If you don't respect what you have, you lose it, or someone else will take and care for it better. Do you see yourself in the hands of another? Or just blind to it? Maybe 5-20 minutes to clean up your act once or twice a week may open doors for you, and you'll have the respect you internally seek. Try it, what have you got to lose? Ever lose something you dearly desired? But then again and again and again lost it only to have it repeated? You just may never have it again...That loss is unbearable. Really?! Oh, ok. Giving in doesn't mean giving up. Besides, you can only get better, especially if you hear the same over and over again. Who may be right? Maybe you have a lil' deafness to turn off too? I don't mean to come down on you, but try, clean up your act. Sometimes a good reflection rubs off, and good will to you to! Dink
Author fordmustangman Posted October 30, 2006 Author Posted October 30, 2006 yeah i love her, her weight is another big problem right now though. its weirld half the time i can't admagine being away from her the other half i just wish she was gone.
Walk Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Well... I think if her weight is this big of a problem now, then you'd both be happier if you broke up. At least in the long run. But she knows you aren't happy with her, it's probably not making her feel very good about herself, which is compounding her weightloss problems. Most people eat when upset, feeling depressed, unattractive, unappealing.. etc. Plus.. As people get older their metabolism slows, and we start gaining more weight. Not saying that's her problem right now, but in the future, she's probably going to have some extra poundage on her... Sooo... you have that to look forward to. I don't know what to tell you... If you aren't attracted to her and she isn't who you want to be with, then you're going to have to (at some point) cut the ties to her. I don't know if you feel some kind of loyalty to her, or maybe you feel guilty for feeling the way you do.. ? I don't know... But you aren't doing her any favors by keeping the relationship going if you're constantly going to let her know you don't find her attractive. (through actions or words) She's got to be hurting from this. And it would seem like her self-esteem is probably taking quite a blow from it too. Don't you want her to be happy? Don't hold on to her if this is merely fear of being alone talking. Let her find someone who is going to love her as she is... not if she'd change into someone else. Then you need to take a long break from dating and get your balance in life back. Your independence in yourself.. That's what I would suggest anyway.. (p.s. I just wanted to say, I'm not bashing you for not being attracted to her as much with the weight. Just think that it's probably time you moved on from this relationship. The way your post read, I think in the long run it'd be healthier for both of you if you broke up.. but right now it sounds kind of co-dependent, and feeding off some negativity that's present.)
Author fordmustangman Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 just and update and hopfully some more opinons, we are still in the same boat, nothing has changed, not sure why but i just feel like i can't have her go but i also don't want her there, we never have sex anymore (thats a big reason why we fight, she wants to a lot but i never do, becuase of her weight, the attaction is all gone.) heres my first post a few months back about this. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t91186/ anyways im just lost i think. BTW she lives with me in my house that i own, i pay all the bills she may grab a few grocheries once in awhile but 9 out of 10 times when she shops its my money being spent and she complains about having do the shopping even though i make the list and pay for it and pay for everything else. what do you guys think?
Author fordmustangman Posted May 3, 2007 Author Posted May 3, 2007 well im going to bump this again, heres my first post on this http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t91186/ anyways not sure why im putting this in an online forum but things still arn't better, she does go to the gym once in awhile now but half azzes it and doesn't eat healthy at all, its to the point were like roommates and its just easier to hang out together, i don't think weve had sex in months about once every few months we have sex in our sleep its weird lol. but this is just dumb
jcster Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 Hi there - it sounds like it's less love now and more co-dependency that's keeping you together. Have you guys tried couples' counseling? It could help you both talk about what's going on in your relationship, and you might get some insight into why you can't seem to let go despite the fact that it's unfulfilling for you.
Lauriebell82 Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 I think the best thing for you to do is to let her go. I know how you feel I was in a similar situation several years ago. I had an ex bf who gained a lot of weight in the time we were together and I just wasn't attracted to him anymore. I felt like a terrible person, like I was shallow and bitchy. Well, we did end up breaking up, but for a different reason. It doesn't sound like your very happy. I honestly am not sure what to say, I know it's hard to let her go, but what your doing is preventing yourself from meeting someone who will make you happy in every area of your life and who you are attracted to. Don't sell yourself short or settle for less than what you think you want.
annabelle75 Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 Wanting to be in a relationship with some one you are attracted to doesn't make you shallow. Wiht out that kind of connection, the relationship will eventually fail. I agree that it sounds like you have reached a state of such co-dependency that you don't feel like you can let go. It also sounds like you are really just roommates now that go through the motions. Its time to let her go. For your sake and hers, you need to free each other find happiness else where.
Princess Jasmine Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 *Hi* I think you are just use to her, and thats why when you were with that other girl, you didnt want to do anything. ...and if its work to you when you have sex with her,..THATS NOT GOOD AT ALL. I think that you should be with someone that you are attracted to, inside and out. Most importantly inside! Because the physical attraction will dim up a little bit after a while no matter what. But if she groses you out, then you should probally not be with her. You should find someone that you are attracted to, and thats into eating healthy, and taking care of herself, and then you know that this wont happen again. Good Luck *God Bless*
Author fordmustangman Posted May 18, 2007 Author Posted May 18, 2007 well it happened, i had a talk with her and asked her where is this going, and she said no where, we were really calm, she cried a bit but bacially we decided neither one of us are happy. now we work at the same place so i really can't do the NC deal we were best friends before and i want to remain friends and so does she, we know she needs to move out. and i think im going to do NC other then whats needed at work. but other then that let it. now i feel like total crap, i just want to call her, hold her now this totally sucks, i want to keep asking her if she is sure this is the right thing or not. i don't know and i don't want to be alone at the house by myself. can i get some opinoins/suggestions please
che_jesse Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 Dont let your not wanting to be alone drag you back into a relationship you dont want to be in with a person you dont want to be with. You will meet someone else. And yes, replaceing such an inportant part of your life for the past few years will be hard but none of that has anything to do with the question of "was breaking up the correct thing to do", it was, you know it was.
Author fordmustangman Posted May 18, 2007 Author Posted May 18, 2007 ok, so i deffenlty did the right thing? this doesn't make me a shallow POS or anything?
Author fordmustangman Posted May 19, 2007 Author Posted May 19, 2007 i was doing good tell i went home and found a note and she was being all sweat just saying i hope you have a good day, then today i check my e mail and i read something like well its hard not being able to say goodnight to you in person so i will just say it here. really makes me feel like i shoudl try again but i know it won't work.
justagirliegirl Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Are you sure it is just the weight? It sounds like she has never been thin but you love her anyway. Does she know her weight is the reason why you don't want to have sex with her? Maybe you should just tell her in a nice way. Sign up for weigh watchers together and get a couple of bikes and do that several times a week together. She really is not that overweight.
Author fordmustangman Posted May 19, 2007 Author Posted May 19, 2007 she knows ive told her, but now its not even the weight, we just don't get along, its weird we fight all the time, now we split and shes nice as can be and all i can think about was the good times. but yes she has known about the weight thing for a year she has went to the gym and ive tried to get her to do the right things but she WONT eat right. i seriously seen her go to the gym then come home and eat a bowl of ice cream. another prob is she is really lazy around the house and our personallys just clash any more i guess.
Wedded25 Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 but yes she has known about the weight thing for a year she has went to the gym and ive tried to get her to do the right things but she WONT eat right. You make her sound like a bad little toddler instead of a relationship partner. This kind of scolding tone has no place in a dog obedience school, much less a supposedly loving human relationship.
Author fordmustangman Posted May 25, 2007 Author Posted May 25, 2007 well its been a little over a week, im doing good i met a girl that wants to go to dinner tonight, would it be wrong of me to accept?
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