blon_dee Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 I broke up with bf a week ago. Since then ihave had some regrets, although also realised that probably the main reason i felt he was not the one, and why i had been pushing him away etc was that i had never dealt with my marriage break up 2 years ago. Long story short, i have tried to contact hima few times, he has sent me one message, just saying that this is for the best, he couldnt see it working blah blah. I then sent him a really really long email, just explaining where i was in life, that i never dealt with that stuff and that the timing has been bad etc.. I thought if i really poured my heart out to him, that he would understand. I still want to be friends, i even think that i want him back. Of course i have had no response. I even sent him a text saying i missed him in my life. Nothing. I guess hes following the no contact rule. But does this necessarily mean he just simply wants nothing to do with me? Im confused, i dont know whether i want him back or not, but i am really missing him right now.... Any advice??
Guest Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Curious as to how soon after your divorce did you start dating this man? What types of feelings did you not deal with? How did you treat him in the relationship that you just have? Not much you can do. You have opened the line of communication with this guy and it is there for his taking. Unfortunately he is probably so soured on having a relationship with you that he will choose to move forward and find someone who does not have as much emotional baggage as you did. How long has the breakup been? How have you dealt with these past issues? How do you know they won't crop up again on you started seeing him again?
Author blon_dee Posted October 29, 2006 Author Posted October 29, 2006 Hi there... i have been seperated for 2 years. I guess i just never dealt with the break up and for some reason, i have started losing the plot lately in regards to it. We were dating for about 5 months. He was crazy about me, i told him to back off a bit. Theni became a bit more interesetd, stopped being a real bitch, but he started distancing himself i think. Dont know why he didnt just dump me? Guess i would have deserved it. But now i think that i have acknowledged what my problems were, the walls being up and all, i think i can move forwards. I;d like to try again, maybe with him. I just dont know if he is just plain not interested, or if i have really hurt him. Either way i guess, theres no point continuing to barrage him with messages and emails.... Hmm.. dont know what to do next.
whir Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 read the 4 advices on the first page of this thread "compilation of best advices on how to win som1 bck" Its not totally about doing nc.. it works and its the greatest thread ever post on this site...
D-Lish Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Hey BD: I have had a similar situation. Went through a divorce and then had to deal with the dating scene. I also met quite a few nice guys that I really liked, but pushed away because I was still admist the turmoil of sorting through my divorce experience. It's hard getting back out there~ even harder to open up to someone again once you've been through such a thing. This is how things always progress with me: I'm the coolest g/f for the first three months, then I start to develop real feelings for the man, so I start resenting them a bit for making me feel vulnerable~ I in turn become bitchy and irritable because I am terrified of being vulnerable again~ and I push them away.... sound familiar to you? That has been my dating experience since my divorce 3 years ago. Sometimes, unfortunately, we can push them too far... That was my last experience. However, it seems like you were feeling unsure about him until he stopped talking to you. Do you think you're reacting to his subsequent silence following the break up, rather than your former logic? Rejection can do strange things to our ego. I am sure his silence has to do with the rejection~ it's about regaining and maintaining pride for him at this point. Red flag though~ if you felt the distance a while before you broke up...it's probably an indication that he was mentally checking out of the relationship. Just let him know you are there for him and leave it at that. Wait for him to come to you. I did that with my ex- the same pour my heart out letter after the break up, made a couple attempts with e-mail contact...to no avail. So, I left it, and returned the silence and two months later he made contact again. So, it does happen. Good luck, Dee
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