Mithrendia Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 I have been dating this girl for 8 and a half months. We just recently went on a break. She wanted this break because she felt that I was so sure about us that i was looking down one road way into life and she felt pressured to look down the same road. She said it was hard to explain. I am going insane. Actually, I'm crying and I never cry. I cant stand not being able to call her, hold her, kiss her. My head hurts so much and I cant eat. I miss her her so much. I dont know what to do. I need help because you guys sound like my last hope. My parents told me to giver her room but I'm afraid that if i do, I will lose her forever. I'm afraid that she will get away from me and I wont ever be able to get her back. I was told by someone to put my arm around her and never let go but i did. I agreed to take this break because I knew she needed it. The first time we tried, it lasted for like three hours. This is the second time and the fourth day into the break and I am so lost. I need you help please! please!! It hurts so much and I have no where to go. please help.
lizzielou Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 It sounds like she does need a break though. Have you heard the phrase, "if you let them go and they don't come back, it was never meant to be"? At any rate, it's a break she wants to take and you can't do anything about that. Take this time to build up your independence (girls find that INCREDIBLY attractive). It also helps to use the energy from your anxiety by exercising. A good long run helps me, and I hate running!
Walk Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Think of it like when you're parents pressure you to go to college, or to look far into your future at something... maybe they're lecturing you on careers in life or something. They do it because they love you and want you to have a great life and be happy, but doesn't it seem a little overwhelming to you at times? To pre-plan the REST of your life right now. I'm sure the girl does like you, and enjoys your company, but when you're young, constant talk about "the future" and pre-planning the rest of your life becomes scary. Heck, I'm "old" and constant talks about "future" with the guy I'm dating becomes scary too. To clarify the saying "if you love someone hold on to them..." What it means is that you do your best to make the other person happy. Don't take it so literally. It doens't mean you should wrap your arm around them and hold them there so they can't leave. That's a sure fire way to make someone run. Clingy is bad. Needy is bad. You need a little more independence in your life, until you can reach a better balance between independence and together. I was going to give you some other analogy on a better way to view relationships... but i think I'll just be blunt. Stop trying to hold her there. There is no future with her that can be written in stone. NOTHING can be written in stone. Best you can do is have a rough idea of what you'd like to see happen. Less talk, more action, ok? If you want to keep her in your life to have that future happen, then learn how to have a healthy balanced relationship in the now. Stop clinging. Don't push her toward what you want. Listen to what she wants. What she see's in her future. If she doesnt' know, then let HER figure it out without your input. Unless she specifically asks for your thoughts, then you tell her once, and DROP IT. You're being clingy and needy. It's not attractive. It's going to push her further away. You're on day 4 of a "break" and you're no closer to getting back together than you were on day one... You're chances of getting her back are decreasing rapidly. I think you need to face the fact that she's not as interested in "long term" as you were. What you could do though. Call her up and tell her she's right, that you don't see a future with her, and you want to make the "break" officially a break up. And let her know that if that isn't what she really wants, then she needs to show that. But from her actions right now, she's saying she doesn't want to be with you, so you want an official break up. (No more hanging in limbo until she decides she wants you around.. which won't happen.) This would show confidence, belief in yourself. That you won't die without her. She thinks she has you in her back pocket. She has a safety net should her new found freedom on this break back fire. She wants to keep you around while she gets to play... and you're sitting there just waiting. She doesn't want you as long as she knows you're never going anywhere. That you'll always be right there waiting no matter what kind of crap she pulls. It's screwed up logic.. but as long as she KNOWS you aren't going anywhere ever.. then she won't have to work to keep you. (Which she's obviously not worried about you going anywhere, or she wouldn't have suggested this break) Fake it right now, but show some confidence. Show her you don't need her in your life, that you'll be just fine. That you're actually very happy, and loving life and you're living it up with friends and talking to girls. She doesn't need to know you're making it all up, she just has to think its happening. She'll start seeing you in a new light. Not the little boy who desperately needs her in his life, but a man who can have any woman he wants, and if she doesn't want to be a part of your life, then so be it. But you're someone great. keep telling yourself that. You're the bomb, and if she doesn't want to be a part of your life, then she's the one that is losing out. Not you. She's giving up on a fabulous future with you. But you're fine, adn some other girl would be ecstatic to go out with you. It's all about perception. you don't actually have to be an egotistical prick, but just give her the impression that you are a confident, happy, and perfectly capable man who may have been sad for a moment, but will continue living his life with or without her. She'll be falling all over herself to get you back if she still has feeligns for you. If she doesn't, then nothing you can do will get her back... but in either case, sitting at home pinning away for her won't get her back.
DanielMadr Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 She wanted this break because she felt that I was so sure about us that i was looking down one road way into life and she felt pressured to look down the same road. I consulted my 'Womanese Translator 2K'....... . . . "Dont know how to tell you Im not interested in you any more." Your desperate reaction proves it to be true. Women hate desperate guys. Dont be clingy. Take control of your emotions - protect your heart. Love-slobbering guys are not attractive hence attraction level is going down.
Author Mithrendia Posted October 30, 2006 Author Posted October 30, 2006 OK I see and understand somethings I probably have to do but u guys dont know what she has said to me. She has told me that when she imagin's her wedding, she says that she can see me. we both walways talked about marrige but it's so far away that we knew it was going to be hard. I guess she kind of gave up first. It's day 6 and I'm ok and stable now. I do talk to her and make her laugh but i am going to tell her that I'm not going to wait forever but I will be there for her if she needs me. This is tough but I am strong and can move on. It's hard but possible. thank you guys and feel free to post up any more advice or suggestions! thanks again!
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