Bluepetals Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Yesterday husband was off work. We had made plans to go pick up a bird cage from a lady off freecycle. So we are in the car riding down the road he is driving and talking like a baby to me. I hate it when he does that because I feel like he is hiding something from me or that he feels like he cant really talk to me. So I just sat there tried to make the best of it and didnt complain although he already knows how uncomfortable this baby talk makes me. We get to the ladies house and the bird cage isnt left where the lady had said she would leave it so we start on the ride back home. I am a diabetic constantly thirsty and it was cold and raining outside. So I ask him if he will stop and let me get a hot cup of coffee to warm me up some. He doesnt say anything keeps driving a while and finally pulls up in front of the store and says for me to get him a pepsi and some chips too. I told him I have $3.85 and that I hoped that was enough to get it all. I go in the store and reconsider that I would get a pepsi and have a few sips off it and the chips for him. So I get that and go to the car with no coffee. he takes the pepsi takes a drink puts the cap back on and throws it across the floor board with it fizzing up in the bottle. I was in shock couldnt believe he was doing this and said nothing out of fear more than anything else. He starts driving the car and I just sat there not saying anything just wanted to get home as soon as possible. So he takes a different route home and we end up in another city. he asks if I want to go to Target and I told him no I had to pee and I was thirsty I just want to go home. So he swerves over into the lane that leads to the interstate exit. He goes down the exit and as he is pulling over into the interstate a horn blows behind us, he puts his middle finger up at the person and we are literally riding down the side of the interstate just inches from this truck right beside us as he tries to force this truck over into the other lane. I was screaming at this point thinking if God let me make it home I would just stay home and never leave. He takes me home and I am so upset scared and just tied in knots I cant describe how I felt. Later that evening I told him I was afraid of him and that I wanted to divorce him. I am tired of him lashing out at me and treating me like this. He blew up on me again saying I need to give him some time to work thru things. I told him I know he is miserable and if he is this miserable with me we dont need to be together, we need to just end things. I am so tired of hurting all the time him ruining a good mood with his sarcastic hateful cut thru me remarks when I say the simplest thing to him. He curses like crazy and everything is GD this and GD that. I have post traumatic stress disorder so this doesnt help and he knows this but he keeps doing it. He keeps saying hes sorry and wants to work thru things. I am just not ready to act like nothing has happened and I am sick and tired of his crap. I dont know what to do at this point. I have no job, Im disabled and his isnt helping my disability a bit with all this. He just came in the living room and yells at me for me to get out of his house.
Ladyjane14 Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 I think that if there's anyone you can go and stay with, you should probably do so. It sounds to me like your husband has an anger management problem, maybe even some control issues or depression. Your best bet is professional counseling to get to the root of the problems. In the meantime, it's perfectly okay to set personal boundaries.... particularly when your actual safety is at question. Unfortunately, sometimes a guy won't 'wake up and smell the coffee' until he's alone. And while I'm not suggesting that you use separation as some sort of gambit to get him to recognize the error of his ways.... sometimes it can happen like that. A partner who's out of control and has hit "rock bottom" will sometimes reevalute his position. You should be aware though, that physical separation will often become permanent. You can't count on your husband to respond positively, because you can't control his choices. That said, if you are actually afraid of him.... your own choices are severly limited. You must first provide protection for yourself, and THEN tackle the relationship problems.
IpAncA Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 I think that if there's anyone you can go and stay with, you should probably do so. It sounds to me like your husband has an anger management problem, maybe even some control issues or depression. Your best bet is professional counseling to get to the root of the problems. In the meantime, it's perfectly okay to set personal boundaries.... particularly when your actual safety is at question. Unfortunately, sometimes a guy won't 'wake up and smell the coffee' until he's alone. And while I'm not suggesting that you use separation as some sort of gambit to get him to recognize the error of his ways.... sometimes it can happen like that. A partner who's out of control and has hit "rock bottom" will sometimes reevalute his position. You should be aware though, that physical separation will often become permanent. You can't count on your husband to respond positively, because you can't control his choices. That said, if you are actually afraid of him.... your own choices are severly limited. You must first provide protection for yourself, and THEN tackle the relationship problems. Yep I agree with that too. That sounds like a bad relationship that is going to take more then just talking to him about it.
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