leopardprint Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 I know this isn't a relationship loss, but it's a loss in itself. I know alot of people don't get close to their pets, but a member of our family passed away tonight. Snowball, or as we grew to call him, "Snowy", our grey Himalayan, died today at 17 years old. He was such a good cat, very affectionate, but usually hid out of sight when company came over, heh. I remember the first day we brought him home as a tiny kitten, I wanted to hold him and I kept BEGGING my mom to let me hold him. She finally let me, and I had the smart idea of introducing him to our 2 year old Siberian Husky. Snowball got so scared, he latched onto my colar bone with his claws, and I was so little and frightened, I let go of him, and he was just hanging there on my neck! Heh, I still have a little, tiny scar from it.. and I love it. We actually got him from a breeder who "needed to get rid of him" . Apparently, she only bred "show" cats, and he was not "show" material (she was also extremely unaffectionate about the whole ordeal, just wanted him out of her care). His face was not flat at all; his nose was placed lower and he had more of a snot, like a normal cat. Himalayans have pushed in faces, and their noses are almost inbetween their eyes. My mother INSTANTLY fell inlove with him, and felt she needed to save him from the evil breeder, hehe. These past three years, my younger brother (who's 17yrs old), has been attached at the hip to this cat. My mom got two new puppies in that time, and the cat ended up just living in my brothers room because he was annoyed with the puppies. So basically, he and the cat spent almost every moment together. I don't want to remember the last year; him sick and growing skinny, and his last moments today when he just started slowly slipping away. He was such a good cat. He has been apart of our family for 17yrs, and I don't know how it's going to be without him. It's the circle of life, I know, and this is the second time I had to do this (my dog, the Husky, died 5 years ago). The vet was in surgery, so they wouldn't allow me to be with Snowy while they "put him to sleep". I'm still kind of upset... I didn't want him to be alone on his final moments on this earth... I feel horrible that I couldn't be there. Here's a pic of him from a few years back, http://i14.tinypic.com/4h08uw7.jpg I guess I'm just... I just need to get this off my chest. I miss him, but I can't get this feeling of guilt for not being there with him at his last moments. I'm scared he was alone and frightened. I didn't want that. I feel horrible.
JamesM Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Having lost a dog recently, I DO understand. She was a part of our lives less than half of your cat, but it is amazing how they can become so a part of the family. I am sorry for your loss. I understand. Telling you now that it gets better is not gong to help...but as you know, time heals the pain of the loss. What never leaves are the memories of those special times. These will always remain precious.
magichands Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 I can't get this feeling of guilt for not being there with him at his last moments. I'm scared he was alone and frightened. I didn't want that. I feel horrible. I know how that feels. I was overseas when my parents' silky terrier died. The circumstances were more than a little distressing, and I was sure that I could have done something had I been around. I had this feeling that he was walking beside me when I was traipsing through the snow...a world away from where my parents live (no snow). The thing is, you can't explain anything to a pet. Yours sounds very well looked after, and had about as good a life as it gets. So try and take some comfort in that. Snowball was a cutie.
Tony T Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 The hardest part about having a pet is always knowing their time on this planet is limited. I'm truly sorry. I think you'll find that most people here will understand your feelings now and your loss.
magichands Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Yes, Tony T...I was tactful enough to not mention that Australian dude that makes cats into hats (the feral ones are terribly damaging to the native wildlife). Oops. Finding a loving owner is the coolest thing to happen to a domesticated animal. I think I'm fairly domesticated...and I'm available.
Guest Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 and u are truly sad, and feel with such honest conviction that what you felt about the person was real and true there really is only one way to measure that...just look at the people that actually attend the funeral, and those that send their heart felt condolences in the mail - the ones that take the easy way out, going to walkabout mart, and picking up whatever card is there, because it is just a part of their shopping experience...and these people will talk to others about how great this person was, and how much the enjoyed and learned and shared...but what they are really doing is still talking about themselves to others...it has nothing to do with the one that is dead no, the ones that really feel something put aside that shopping trip and grab back their dignity and actually go to where the funeral is being held. they bring flowers and look into the casket and gently touch the hand of their departed one...the final show of respect...and those are the people that you want to have in your life.
niko1999 Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Im so sorry about your kitty. It was the hardest thing when we put one of our dogs down years ago, he was 18, and saying goodbye was the hardest thing becuase it was so unfair. Was he a king of the hill cat? His picture had that look to it, I got a good smile looking at him But again, I know its hard, but rest assured, he had a LONG life, and Im sure a wonderful one too. Dont be guilty about not being there in the last moments, Im sure he understood and would forgive you, b/c that is the way animals are. Eternally forgiving.
AriaIncognito Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 I'm so sorry for your loss, leopard. I've been through this twice myself, both cats. One was 14 (and i had him I think 12 years of that) and the other was 16 (had him 15 years and 46 weeks). They are as much a loved one as any of my relatives, and I had true grief having to let them go. Don't be sad that you weren't there. I'd like to think that they understand either way. I still cry thinking about being there with my 1st. I was there for both, but the 1st really hit me hard. I'd lost my grandmother 1 month before the cat, so loss was no stranger. There's a poem that's always passed around in times like this, and while it might not provide a lot of solace, know you're not alone, and hope that the message of the poem is true, and that we'll all be reunited someday (and when we do, man I'm gonna need a lot of cat chow...) http://petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm Jennifer
KittenMoon Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 So sorry for your loss. The only time I have ever cried harder than I did when losing my ex was when I lost my kitty. At barely 5 years old, and he just dropped dead spontaneously, at the vet no less. No warning, nothing. Sometimes I believe that pets are the real loves of our lives- they have true unconditional love in them. I am sure your kitty loved you as much as you loved him.
Guest Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 what one does and how the choose to do it is their choice and theirs alone. i go to funerals - not everyone does. that doesn't make me better or worse - just different. so, why do i go other than respect for myself and that person - i go so i can see who else has come - and those are the people i include as friends. is there anyone that has done something so horrid that i would not attend their funeral? nope. i once knew someone who i played hockey with, his hockey stick was made of burch and he used the same one for every game, i once asked to use it and he hid it behind he back and said "what stick?" i have used only one stick as well, but after every hockey game, where i learn something new, i change my blade. and i hand the old one up in full view at the arena to ensure that other do not use a blade that cracks so easily.
LakesideDream Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Leopard, I know how you feel. I'm 55, and I've had kitty's since I was 7. I've had some great cats, including a 29 pound white alley cat, that died after fighting and actually killing a grown pit bull, he lingered and passed away from his wounds. My current partner (kitty) is Stan, I found him in the mountain wilderness when he was about 5 months old. Less than 2 pounds and skinny.. I brought him home, and needless to say we "bonded". He's 11 now, and pretty healthy. Calm, and an indoor cat by choice. He only goes outdoors when there are people out. He's my constant companion. He displays true "unconditional" love. Occasionally I worry what I will do when his time comes. I try not to think about it as it breaks my heart. He fills my soft spot quite nicely.
NEWDAY Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Any kitty that lived such a long life and was so well loved was a blessed animal indeed. Pets are a comfort and a joy, and when they are old and sick, it is a humane kindness to end that suffering. You did what needed to be done. I hope your heart heals soon.
Author leopardprint Posted November 1, 2006 Author Posted November 1, 2006 Thank you everyone for all your kind words. It has been rough but we're getting by day by day, slowly but surely. Now we're going through the process of cleaning out all his things (kittly litter box, food bowls, toys, etc.) and cleaning the smells and stains in the rugs in my brother's room. During the last couple of months, he stopped using his litter box and was making everywhere in the room. Doctors couldn't find why he was doing such, so we just tried to keep cleaning up after him. The hardest part I've had to deal with was the notion that they didn't let me stay during the euthanasia. At the time, I was just trying to get everything done because my mother was a wreck. I was in such a weird place that night, about the whole situation, I was just kind of "there", nodding my head and yesing to everything. They told me the vet was busy in surgery, and that I couldn't go back there to be with him while they put him down. Now I can't help feeling utterly guilty and sad for not being there. I'm scared that he was terrified in his last moments; not knowing where he was, us leaving him, us allowing someone to take him away from us. I'm scared that maybe since the vet was in surgery, maybe Snowball was lying there alone and scared waiting to be put down for who knows how long. I try not to dwell on these things, but it's hard. I've been getting a bit better, but I just hope that all the worst I'm thinking is just my mind going through those phases of mourning.
JamesM Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 Now I can't help feeling utterly guilty and sad for not being there. The hardest emotion for me to deal with when we lost our dog was..and sometimes still is...guilt. Talk it out, and let it go. Your cat probably had none of the human concerns that you think he did. You did your best with what you knew. When we look back, we always see how we can do better. Again, I am sorry for your loss. It is hard, but time does heal. Focus on the memories not the guilt.
stillhere Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 I'm so sorry for your loss. I know this feeling all too well. I put my baby down 8 years ago, and i held her as they euthanized her. I have tears in my eyes right now remembering this. I was glad i was there, but it was so hard to hold her and watch her go. It was quick, but i cried like a baby. The vet had to literally pry her out of my arms, i wouldn't let go. People outside probably thought i was nuts about the way i was carrying on. My other dog i had to put down 2 years ago, and my mom went in while they put her down. I didn't want my 3 year old daughter in there while they did it. My mom brought her out in a blanket, and i couldn't let my daughter see her. I flipped out on my mom because she wanted to put her in the trunk (of all places!) on the ride home. I never swear at my mom and i told her "you're not putting my dog in the f*cking trunk, are you sick?" so i held her and buried her in the backyard. Something i couldn't do when we put my first dog down, since there was snow on the ground. I'm so very sorry, but i believe i see my baby in my new dogs eyes, every time i look at him. Everyone swears it is her, he's got the same attitude and personality. It's hard, but remember all the good times you had, and smile!!
lovestruck234 Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 Sometimes I believe that pets are the real loves of our lives- they have true unconditional love in them. I agree completely...I have never really grown up or been around cats, but I am sure they are just the same as dogs. My family and I have 3 dogs. And it's just like that. Some days they can annoy you or do something naughty, and you're mad at them, but you will find them STILL coming over to you and trying to make peace with you...they have their tail in between their legs, and they know they've done something wrong, and the minute you say something like "Aww, come 'ere you!" the tail goes up and they couldn't be happier. I lost a dog about 2 years ago...she was a dashund x jack russell....she got hit by a car. I remember crying for about 2 weeks. It was like, in a way, she was my soul mate. Like we understood each other...(without sounding corny!)...seeing her laying there on the side of the road would have to be one of the worst days of my life. I can't even describe the hurt I was feeling. It was sad though, because we buried her down the back of our house and for about a week one of my other dogs that had made great friends with her, just sat by her grave crying and smelling around it. It was so sad, for about a week. Very sad to watch an ANIMAL who doesn't completely understand what's happening, be all upset and confused like that... I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Snowy WAS a cutie, no doubt! That's why I don't understand people who don't associate with animals. My eldest sister is like that. Whenever she comes round to visit she's alway shooing the dogs away. Animals bring so much joy into your life, in every way possible. I can't imagine my life without animals!
whichwayisup Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 I am sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is just like losing a family member, and it does hurt! Alot!
PuppyDogEyes Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 My condolences go out to you, leopardprint. I have been owned by my cats since I was very small, and the loss of a beloved pet never, ever gets any easier as the years go on. I experienced a similar situation to yours with my last cat. He became lethargic, wouldn't eat, and during his last few days he would breathe extremely hard and fast, as if he couldn't pull enough air into his lungs. It turned out that he had lung cancer and that there was absolutely no way he could have survived past maybe two weeks or so. It was heartbreaking to hear the vet say that, and by the end of it all, putting him to sleep was more than merciful - because it was so, so obvious that he was suffering so badly. I know that you feel guilt because you couldn't be there with him as he moved on to the next world. That's hard - but please, please don't beat yourself up for this. If your situation was anything like mine, your baby wasn't conscious or aware of his surroundings. And that doesn't mean he didn't know that you loved him - because he did know. When you fed him, curled up with him, petted him, played with him - he knew you loved him. That's really all that matters, isn't it? He was a beauty, both inside and out. And that's how you will always remember him - so it should be that way. He knew you loved him. So never, ever worry on that score. Pets know. They're much more intuitive than we ever give them credit for. Again, my condolences. - pde.
Island Girl Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 My condolences as well Leopard. I lost my girl, Lizzie, due to a brain tumor last August. She was a remarkable dog and everyone who ever met her remembered her. It was quick. No warning or lingering signs of any problems. That was a blessing. The just 2 weeks later I was forced to put my other dog, Henry, down. He had been on medication to control some problems he had for a while but I had thought I'd get a few more years with him. It was a very difficult time. I live alone right now. They were my companions. And they were very big dogs, 130 lbs and 175 lbs, respectively. I just couldn't face the emptiness so I adopted 2 puppies immediately. I knew I needed the distraction and boy were they! 5 months old, 60 lbs a piece and NO TRAINING. So I was busy to say the least. That helped me. I probably wouldn't have adopted another so quickly had I not lost both. But I knew I needed them as much as they needed a good home. They are not replacements. No animal could ever take the place of another. They are individuals with their own personalities, etc. But it is over a year later and I can now remember a lot of the funny, cute, quirky things without immediately crying. It does get better. Time heals all wounds it is true. He was a beautiful kitty. I'm sure he had a wonderful life with you.
Ssheena Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 I have never not had at least one cat my entire life (over 40 years). My pets ARE my family. It's always helped me to think about the Rainbow Bridge poem and I know when I die, there are going to be all of my cats and dogs and horses that I have loved waiting to see me. I've also learned that someone that has cat or dog hair on their clothes is good. I'm very sorry for your loss. Every cat or dog that I have had has had their own special things that make me love them.
Island Girl Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 My sister's dog had to be put down due to bone cancer several years ago. It had gotten progressively worse and activitites that she enjoyed weren't possible for several weeks leading up to that. One of the things she loved to do was run in crazy circles all over the lawn and around my brother in law as he brought the garbage cans back from the street. She hadn't been able to do that for a while. When she finally passed, my sister's neighbors happened to be out of town on vacation, and hadn't talked to my sister. My sister was going out to her car about a week later and the neighbor called out to her that she was so glad the dog was feeling better. My sister stopped short and asked what the neighbor was talking about. The neighbor said she'd been looking out the window that same morning and saw my brother in law bringing back the garbage cans. And the dog was running around like crazy and acting happy as can be and full of energy. The neighbor said she looked younger and more agile than she had in years and found it a startling difference. When my sister told me that story it helped me a lot. I hope it can help someone else too.
quankanne Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 am very sorry to hear about your kitty, especially since our pets so quickly become beloved members of our families and when they hurt, we hurt. Himmies are gorgeous cats, squashed faces or not, they've got the prettiest coats. And the funniest personalities, my niece had two that were grumpy, but loving, and when they passed on, it was pretty sad for everyone because those two endeared themselves to the whole family. hugs, quank
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