neci Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Hi again, First of all this is with reference to http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t101949/ So yeah... She got back from her holidays today, and im in wierd place right now emotionally. Basically she gets back, and pops up on MSN, I had resolved already to not reach out anymore, just let go. I was doing pretty well, enjoying everything again and getting to the point where I felt I could perhaps move on a little, a result of the forced NC I guess. But more or less the instant she comes online she IMs me and starts a conversation, inviting me to chat online (using mic etc, basically a phone call if you dont know what I mean) we talked for a couple of hours, never going near relationship territory except some crack she makes about her mother liking me (I met her parents briefly before she left me)... Shes made it pretty clear in the past and today to an extent that she doesnt want a 'romantic' relationship with me, but her behaviour is puzzling me and damaging to my recovery I think... Its just wierd, after getting over it a little bit (no where near completely but it was a start) Im now getting pangs again, she clearly doesnt want to sever company, she seems really confused with her love life right now, shes still single FYI.. What do I do in this situation, I really am totally lost, I dont know whether I should keep being receptive to her talking to me, I think its 99% just wanting to be 'friends', like we were before we started going out properly. Thing is while I like her personality a whooolllleeee lot and really value her as a friend and hope theres a minute possiblity it could one day develop again I feel its gonna make it alot harder for me to move on. Anyone ever had a similar situation or just have some advice for a really confused guy? It would be much apprieciated, I said it already but you guys are awesome, love ya for the help youve given me through this. Thanks in advance for whatever you have to say! EDIT: damnit, cant edit title, should read 'emotional'.. not 'emotion' .... sigh
LonelyGuy Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 I am in similar situation. I broke up with someone recently. I hurt like a bitch(excuse my language). I use to talk to her on phone, msn (everyday)...all of that stuff. When i cut it off, i threw away all the stuff she gave me (cards, gifts, etc.), erase msn for good, deleted her name from phone list........basically erased her from my life. It is damn hard, but i had to do it for my sanity. I cant talk to her knowing she is dating or sleeping with someone else. It would throw me back to where i started. Just cut your loses and move on...IMHO. Being friends is garbage if you are still interested in that person and they arent interested in you. Makes it worse. Completely remove them from your life and better yourself.
Author neci Posted October 30, 2006 Author Posted October 30, 2006 Well done for managing that... Im not sure if I can, at least not yet... God that sounds so ridiculas, I mean wtf do I think its going to get easier?! I just dont know yet whether I want to just be friends or whatever, my thoughts are so ****ing muddled and all over the place right now. I mean I like talking to her just casually, but I dont know if thats just because in the back of my mind I think it could go somewhere or if I really just want to be friends. Shes so wierd right now though.. since shes been back I mean, I am making a concious effort not to initiate or keep conversation or contact going, but she just sort of keeps on poking me with little comments or questions that are sort of like invitations to talk... I just dont get it, wtf is with her? How can she do this and not feel anything. The way I see it is this, judging by her actions she 1) Is confused and unsure if she made the right decision by breaking up 2) If she really feels nothing between us why would she want to talk? 3) If she still enjoys my company why did she end it? (I am 101% SURE that physical attraction was not the problem) Eugh this just makes no sense. Its crazy. On the plus side this randomness comming from her is really helping me get over it TBH, probably because it is irritating me and generally pissing me off... (I dont show that to her, I mostly just give her one line answers and break off lines of conversation atm) I mean before when I was a simpering wreck and she was just cold it didnt annoy me, I was just unhappy, irritation is much easier to deal with lol... But yeah, I dont know If severing all contact is somthing I can bring myself to do, it would be logistically difficult if nothing else. But I think Ill just keep up this attutude of semi ignoring and see where it gets me. Only thing is its her Birthday tommorow, it would be pretty cruel of me to just ignore it totally... I guess Ill just wish her well and then break off the conversation. Eugh this ordeal is by FAR the biggest emotional rollercoster and confusing string of events in my life. Sigh, you live, you love, you learn I suppose.
Author neci Posted October 30, 2006 Author Posted October 30, 2006 Really I do not understand this, we talked for like 5 hours straight today, her initiating/sustaining the conversation... Dont understand her behaviour, how can she want spend this amount of time in my company yet have acted the way she has. Has anyone else expierienced this? Or have any ideas?
Guest Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 both of u are talking! how long did it take to do that? as soon as you start getting those thoughts about 'what is gonna happen' - just shut them out. what i would do is two fold. u say that you are unsure about which team you are playing on right? i might be gurls team, might be the boyz, maybe even both if you get lucky [wink]. seriously, if you have concerns about your sexuality, i believe it is important to explore those feelings first. you will need to be sure of who YOU ARE before you can move forward. now what i would do is simply explain that to this guy because he sounds pretty understanding and i'm sure that he would back off while you found out more about yerself...but be warned he'll probably want to install some hidden devices in your computer and around your home so he can keep tabs on what is going on especially if there any nasty going on! wink seriously, before you do that i would clean up any confusion that might have occured from the recent past, u know, just kinda like a returninf from school "what i did on my summer vacation' and make sure you hand him the policy manual on '10 easy steps to piss me off' along with EP's promotions package 'RIPPING OFF THE DUDE' after that should be great
Stevie840 Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 I would personally advise against being friends for the time being....try doing the no contact thing, it may be hard (or impossible depending on yr situation) but if you can keep it up for a week at least I think it would be positive. Having N.C. forced on her may make her realise her true feelings...at the moment I think she is avoiding any hurt she is feeling by keeping you in her life. By being forced into a situation where she lives without you she may be able to decide if she really wants a relationship or not. Even if you don't get back together you can still be friends eventually.....you both just need time to heal first, however long that may take. Good luck buddy!
Author neci Posted October 31, 2006 Author Posted October 31, 2006 Thanks Stevie, some good advice at last. Guest, wtf are you talking about? When did I ever imply that I thought I might be gay . Really hope im not talking to someone I know whos just taking the piss...
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