Just2Cute1972 Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 My fiancee and i split up 2 1/2 months ago...my break up thread is in the break up section. For like the first month he kept in contact with me thru text messages here and there but he was seeing someone else. Well, i decided finally that i wanted no contact until i was over him..he constantly wanted me to be his friend. I finally told him that i didnt think we should talk for awhile etc until my feelings were gone because it was just too hard and of course he got mad at me but he left me alone. For about 2 days after that i felt horrible, was sick, missed work etc. But i was gettin better. After about 2 weeks i was starting to really feel ok, i still missed him, still had feelings for him etc, but i was moving on and didnt sit around crying anymore. Well, he contacted me after about 3 weeks of NC. He ended things with this chic and he realized she was a rebound thing. So then he starts telling me he wants me as his best friend, he doesnt wanna lose me from his life etc. For 2 weekends after that we hung out..it was all good. I was ok with the fact he wanted to be friends but then he asked me if he could be my roommate. There were a lot of pros to this idea and only one con...my heart. He has a job where he goes away all week and woudl only be here on the weekends so i thought ok i could probably handle that. Well, that was 3 weeks ago and he has been aroudn me every single day and with every single day its worse and worse. He tells me he still has feelings for me, he kisses me, he stares into my eyes, he hugs me..yes weve had sex. He sleeps in the same bed as me at nite but is still adamant he wants only friends. He says he doenst want ANY gf at this point in time just friends with everyone. He emails other females in front of me, he text messages them in front of me, he has told me he will be going out on dates but he keeps telling me its just as friends and he cant understand why i wont "believe in him". It hurts to see him do this. I talk to other guys, but its because what else do i do? Sit here and look completely stupid because i cant get over this? He has told me that it will probably hurt him when i go out with someone else, but he said he will NEVER let me know that. He said i have to get over him so he can actually get to be friends with me and we can start "new" with each other. Im so confused. He says that being with me as a couple at this point in time is a NO but that another female, he doesnt know. He said that too many bad things have happened between us to just be over them so soon and that until all that dies down, we cant be together. Part of me wants to just say get the hell out of my life and leave me alone, but another part wont let me do that. I obviously have stronger feelings for him than he does for me, but he has told me he does have feelings for me. Do i just give up on everything and say screw it, or do i just try really hard to be friends only with him and see what happens? He keeps telling me to go with the flow and take things one day at a time. At first, we seemed to be getting a LOT closer than we ever had been, now it feels like we are drifting apart because we see one another every day. He will be leaving on Monday to go back to work and wont be back until the weekend again. Since he has done this roommate thing, we havent been apart from one another. I just dont know what to do. We were together for five years, engaged to be married. Do i just give up, or do i hang in there or what?? Please someone give me some major advice on this because im losing it fast. Has anyone EVER been in a simliar situation? Im soooo lost.
norajane Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 Get this man out of your apartment and out of your life NOW! He is using you - for companionship, for sex, for a place to live...until he is ready to start dating someone else. Then, he will drop you and your friendship. You are wasting your time with him - a man who uses you like that is NOT A FRIEND to you. You cannot get over him if he is living with you or if you try to stay friends or if you see him or talk to him at all. Clearly, he is unconcerned about YOUR feelings and your well-being. Honestly, there is no question here of what you should do. Get rid of him now.
AriaIncognito Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 I completely agree with norajane on this one. He's basically telling you "yes i'm using you but I dont want to be commited to you" and you're accepting that so he's getting away with it. My ex did the same thing to me and i have gone no contact with him since last thursday (10/20 or something). Do yourself a favor and stop talking to him. He's not worthy of what you're giving him. Jennifer
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