Berwin Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 Hi all. This is my first post on this forum and hope this is the correct section to post this in. I’m in need of some advice figuring out a girl I like at work. She is 19 and I am 34. Yes, quite a big age gap. She only started at work a little while ago and we hit it off almost immediately. I always sat with her during breaks etc. After about a week she was going out of her way to dress up etc and everyone was saying it must be for me. Me being a guy I didn’t pick up on this very quickly and people at work basically said it was obvious and I should ask her out. I plucked up the courage to ask her out and she said “yes”, got her number and I said I’d call her tomorrow. Apparently the day I asked her out she was really excited and told the person I was getting a lift home with about it. Anyway the next day I tried to phone her but no reply, the phone just rang and eventually cut off. I tried this twice. I got a text an hour or so later saying she was doing something else tomorrow and couldn’t go out the next weekend either. They all sounded like legitimate reasons because they were things she does anyway. I left it a couple more weeks and send her a text asking again about another weekend and if she couldn’t go out to let me know when she could, but I got a text back saying she couldn’t do that weekend either, making no effort to suggest another time. During all this time at work etc I’m trying my best not to get irritated with her because I do like her. Maybe she is generally really busy but she’s not giving me much to go on. So I suppose my question is what’s happened and what went wrong because I can’t figure it out? She was really keen at first and now it’s all starting to fizzle out. Thanks for any advice Berwin.
Amour77 Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 She is probably having second thoughts and is not sure if she should go ahead with dating you. Have you tried to speak to her at work, to see what she thinks? Have you tried to arrange a date at any other time than the weekend?
Author Berwin Posted October 28, 2006 Author Posted October 28, 2006 She is probably having second thoughts and is not sure if she should go ahead with dating you. Have you tried to speak to her at work, to see what she thinks? Have you tried to arrange a date at any other time than the weekend? I find it hard to believe she could have suddenly had second thoughts from the time I first asked her out and the next day when we were supposed to go out. I have tried asking her to go out during the week. To be honest I was kind of nervous asking her face to face the first time and don't think I can bring myself to bring it up again to her face because she seems to have gone off the idea for some reason. I was really excited at the time but being let down like that has kind of had it's toll on me and don't know what to think any more. Maybe her interest level isn't that high. Maybe it is and she's playing some kind of 'play hard to get' mind game with me
alphamale Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 Maybe her interest level isn't that high. Maybe it is and she's playing some kind of 'play hard to get' mind game with me Maybe YOU should try playing hard-to-get BERWIN. You may find that it can work wonders...
Guest Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 Maybe YOU should try playing hard-to-get BERWIN. You may find that it can work wonders... Okay, I'm not really into playing hard to get but assuming you're right and I want to play hard to get how should I be acting? Ignore her? That doesn't sound like a good idea to me. If she has low interest, I don't see how that would work.
Author Berwin Posted October 28, 2006 Author Posted October 28, 2006 Maybe YOU should try playing hard-to-get BERWIN. You may find that it can work wonders... Okay, I'm not really into playing hard to get but assuming you're right and I want to play hard to get how should I be acting? Ignore her? That doesn't sound like a good idea to me. If she has low interest, I don't see how that would work.
Pyro Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 Hi all. This is my first post on this forum and hope this is the correct section to post this in. I’m in need of some advice figuring out a girl I like at work. She is 19 and I am 34. Yes, quite a big age gap. She only started at work a little while ago and we hit it off almost immediately. I always sat with her during breaks etc. After about a week she was going out of her way to dress up etc and everyone was saying it must be for me. Me being a guy I didn’t pick up on this very quickly and people at work basically said it was obvious and I should ask her out. I plucked up the courage to ask her out and she said “yes”, got her number and I said I’d call her tomorrow. Apparently the day I asked her out she was really excited and told the person I was getting a lift home with about it. Anyway the next day I tried to phone her but no reply, the phone just rang and eventually cut off. I tried this twice. I got a text an hour or so later saying she was doing something else tomorrow and couldn’t go out the next weekend either. They all sounded like legitimate reasons because they were things she does anyway. I left it a couple more weeks and send her a text asking again about another weekend and if she couldn’t go out to let me know when she could, but I got a text back saying she couldn’t do that weekend either, making no effort to suggest another time. During all this time at work etc I’m trying my best not to get irritated with her because I do like her. Maybe she is generally really busy but she’s not giving me much to go on. So I suppose my question is what’s happened and what went wrong because I can’t figure it out? She was really keen at first and now it’s all starting to fizzle out. Thanks for any advice Berwin. She seems to have plans already everytime you ask her out, so tell her to call you when she is available to go out. The ball is in her court.
gfto Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 I left it a couple more weeks and send her a text asking again about another weekend and if she couldn’t go out to let me know when she could, but I got a text back saying she couldn’t do that weekend either, making no effort to suggest another time. She is not interested in you. Case closed.
alphamale Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 She is not interested in you. Case closed. I would tend to agree GFTO except I was trying to be a bit more diplomatic for once...
gfto Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 I would tend to agree GFTO except I was trying to be a bit more diplomatic for once... You're absolutely right about the magic of playing hard to get. But, it only works IF the girl has some baseline interest level in him to work with in the first place. That is not the case here. It's a slam dunk, beyond-a-reasonable-doubt case of low interest level. Playing hard to get might upset her ego, but it isn't gonna raise her interest level in him.
Guest Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 You're absolutely right about the magic of playing hard to get. But, it only works IF the girl has some baseline interest level in him to work with in the first place. That is not the case here. It's a slam dunk, beyond-a-reasonable-doubt case of low interest level. Playing hard to get might upset her ego, but it isn't gonna raise her interest level in him. So what you're trying to say her initially saying yes to me asking her out and all her first interest just dwindled overnight and she said yes why exactly? She could have just said no and I would have lived with that.
Author Berwin Posted October 28, 2006 Author Posted October 28, 2006 You're absolutely right about the magic of playing hard to get. But, it only works IF the girl has some baseline interest level in him to work with in the first place. That is not the case here. It's a slam dunk, beyond-a-reasonable-doubt case of low interest level. Playing hard to get might upset her ego, but it isn't gonna raise her interest level in him. So what you're trying to say her initially saying yes to me asking her out and all her first interest just dwindled overnight and she said yes why exactly? She could have just said no and I would have lived with that.
gfto Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 So what you're trying to say her initially saying yes to me asking her out and all her first interest just dwindled overnight and she said yes why exactly? She could have just said no and I would have lived with that. Not quite. Understand that very few women will come right out and say "no, I don't really want to go out with you." They'll say anything else just to spare your feelings. That's just life. Women will frequently give their phone number to a guy who they have no intention of dating whatsoever. Interest level does not dwindle overnight. It dwindles very gradually. But, in your particular case, I don't think this girl had high interest in you to begin with. That's where you got confused. I couldn't count how many times this has happened to me. It finally dawned on me that when a woman says, "sure, I'll go out with you; here's my number," it does NOT mean she is interested in you. Very very few men understand how to properly determine a woman's interest level in him (which is a whole other thread). Most men just assume she's interested. Hence, many men are needlessly confused in the world of dating. Suffice to say, when a woman is not accepting your invitations for a date, and she's not making any kind of counteroffer, you can be sure she was not very interested in you in the first place.
jaylee Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 My take on this is that she was interested, but started having second thoughts after letting it sink in. I mean, 34 and 19 is like having light years between you. I'm 25, but when I think back to myself at 19, I was a completely different person. I think she probably got freaked out about the age thing, or began to talk to someone else about who may have suggested that it wasn't such a good idea. You're both at two totally different stages. You are perhaps looking for a more serious relationship, someone to settle down with. At 19, she's more likely to be looking for Mr. Right Now. Granted there are many other factors that could come into play, but this is my opinion.
alphamale Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 I'm 25, but when I think back to myself at 19, I was a completely different person. Wait until you turn 40 JAYLEE.....you'll think you were an infant at 25.
Author Berwin Posted October 28, 2006 Author Posted October 28, 2006 My take on this is that she was interested, but started having second thoughts after letting it sink in. I mean, 34 and 19 is like having light years between you. I'm 25, but when I think back to myself at 19, I was a completely different person. I think she probably got freaked out about the age thing, or began to talk to someone else about who may have suggested that it wasn't such a good idea. You're both at two totally different stages. You are perhaps looking for a more serious relationship, someone to settle down with. At 19, she's more likely to be looking for Mr. Right Now. Granted there are many other factors that could come into play, but this is my opinion. I'm glad to get a female opinion on this and I think you are probably right about the age gap. This was always on my mind before I asked her out but people from work said it didn't really matter so I went ahead anyway. She was definately interested. I think I scared her off I guess. Totally gutted and I know I'll never really get a reason why she went cold on me. It's just something I'll be wondering about forever now.
jaylee Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Wait until you turn 40 JAYLEE.....you'll think you were an infant at 25. I'm sure I will! Isn't it funny how when we reach a certain "milestone" age, we think we've experienced enough to be reasonably knowledgable, yet when the next big milestone hits, you think, "man, I was so dumb at that age! I knew NOTHING of what I know now!" Hehe Sometimes I still feel like an infant, trust me.
jaylee Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 I'm glad to get a female opinion on this and I think you are probably right about the age gap. This was always on my mind before I asked her out but people from work said it didn't really matter so I went ahead anyway. She was definately interested. I think I scared her off I guess. Totally gutted and I know I'll never really get a reason why she went cold on me. It's just something I'll be wondering about forever now. That's my take on it anyway. Then my guess is she was avoiding you because she probably felt bad and awkward and didn't quite know how to break it to you without hurting your feelings.
dropdeadlegs Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Wait until you turn 40 JAYLEE.....you'll think you were an infant at 25. That is soooo true. I'm 42 and I often wonder if when I'm 60 I will feel like THIS was STILL infancy. Do we ever really grow up???? Do I even want to? I mean REALLY? Not quite. Understand that very few women will come right out and say "no, I don't really want to go out with you." They'll say anything else just to spare your feelings. That's just life. Women will frequently give their phone number to a guy who they have no intention of dating whatsoever. Interest level does not dwindle overnight. It dwindles very gradually. But, in your particular case, I don't think this girl had high interest in you to begin with. That's where you got confused. I couldn't count how many times this has happened to me. It finally dawned on me that when a woman says, "sure, I'll go out with you; here's my number," it does NOT mean she is interested in you. Very very few men understand how to properly determine a woman's interest level in him (which is a whole other thread). Most men just assume she's interested. Hence, many men are needlessly confused in the world of dating. Suffice to say, when a woman is not accepting your invitations for a date, and she's not making any kind of counteroffer, you can be sure she was not very interested in you in the first place. I think that is especially true of younger women. At this point I would carefully explain that I am not interested in a person in that kind of way. Awkward sometimes, but better in the long run.
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