my husband is a liar, cheater and whatelse i can call him

[lovelyeyes]

Hi dear friends, I need your help. I married a guy whom i knew from online. we used to talk a lot and i trusted him more than anything. I'm from USA. And he is from india. After the marriage, he never paid attention to me, he was always on the internet, chatting and watching porn. He used to get online while i slept. he started getting calls on his cell phone and whenever i picked up, someone hung up. Once I heard a girl's voice on the phone who asked for my husband. He took the phone and switched it off. he didn't talk to her in front of me. But right after that, he went out of room and tried to call her from the other room when i caught him up.

 

BUt he started making excuses that he doesn't know her and this and that. I trusted him and he kept cheating on me. I became so hopeless, i started feeling sad almost every day. The cell phone would never stop ringing, i don't know who that bitch was. SHE REALLY tried to make my life hell. In the mean time, he also demanded that he wants to migrate to usa and i should apply for him. So i came back to usa bt when i came here people warned me that don't brin ghim here bz when guys come here, they change. so i told him that its better if we stay in india bz we dont have a kid right now and immigration is a long tough process so lets wait for a few years. He got really mad at me. He applied for his admission into some university in Finland. He called me and said i should come to fin and stay with him as he is really sorry for his actions. My mom warned me not to go bt i did. After coming to Finland, i found him different for some time but he started practicing his old habits soon like staying online for long hrs, watching porn and etc..

 

I found his lot of different email accounts which he had set up with different names. He had added the id's of lots of girls. I assume he might be talking sex with them. I opened all of his accounts by chance and everywhere i found girls id's. WHEN I CONfronted him on it, he said its fake. internet is fake. its nothing serious and he is just playing roles for fun, i should not mind it. but i said its wrong as i dont feel good abt it.so he said he wont. but every now and then he again gets online when i'm not in the room and as i come back in the room, he closes all the windows and clears the history and when i ask him what is this, he says its nothing. I'm just accusing him. he is addicted with porn. he has different id's with different names. he talks to girls i guess thats why they are there. he has started talking abt usa again. he says there is no future for him in finland. he doesnt want to go back to india as he doesnt hold any future over there as well. so since im usa citizen, i can take him there without any problems. he is saying why dont you take me there and i always tell him bz i dont want to live in usa i want him to do everything on his own.

 

Bt he has a great lust for usa. usa has made my life hell, he keeps talking abt and says he wish that he was there soon. I mean he knows that this issue bothered me as i dont want to stay there bt he still talks abt it. I told him lets go back to india and start a life there but he doesnt seem to like this idea. the people whom i know they say never bring to usa, he will leave you the next day, try to stay with somewhere else. today i got into fight with him again because he was watching porn online for many hrs while i was sleeping and when i woke up and asked him to leave all that crap, he said let me sit for a while as i'm not doing anything wrong i'm just looking at the pics and movies for fun. i dont believe him. i think he only married me for usa.. imean if he was in love with me, why would he have to get online and look for porn and girls. i would have been enough source of pleasure as im his wife. and no matter what, he has to know i'm his wife and he has to make me perfect for himself as whatever way he wants. cheating means he doesnt want me.

 

i dont know what to do. i'm young. i have lost all my health due to stress. he is killing me from inside. i dont know what to do. i want to go back to usa thats where i belong. i dont know if i should quit this marriage. i have asked him many a times if he wants to quit this marriage but he says no. he accuses me of everything. he says i dont want to take him to usa and thats bad bz im not helping him as he is my husband and husband wife are supposed to help each other. see how wrong he talks. what he has given me so far that i would do him this big favor and after that which i know he might not live with me. i dont know whenever i decide i should leave him, there comes a moment of weakness that makes me unable to take any step.

 

sometimes i feel i might not be able to live without him. sometimes i think i should leave him and wonder what will happen afterwards. our indian society is very narrow minded, they dont accept divorcee. but then i think, i cant let myself suffer. i have tried my best to make him a better man but he doesnt change. tell me plz what i should do. im in a big mess. plz help me. give me some insight to what i should do. im waiting for your reply.

[JadeStar]

You are from the USA, are you indian as well? Do you live here in the USA or over in India? I may have missed that. At any rate, you do have choices. Either stay married to him and he will continue to drag you down in stress worrying over this, or divorce him. I highly doubt he will change. You said you were young, so don't waste your time on someone like this. You have your whole life ahead of you to be married. How long did you know each other before you got married?

 

 

 

Jade

[nancyleeh]

You are very unhappy with your husband and your life and I understand your mixed feelings about divorcing him or staying with him. So maybe you could try this little exercise. Sit down and imagine your future independant of your husband and what would you like to see happening a year from now or 5 years from now or even 10 years from now in your life. Where would you like to be living and what are you doing and if you want a partner in your life, what kind of partner would you see yourself living with? What are his atributes? And then see if adding your present husband to the picture will still allow you to have the kind of life you see for yourself and if adding him to the picture doesn't cut it, then maybe it's time to make some major changes in your life for yourself even if it means divorcing him.

 

Past actions usually indicate what future actions will be and unless your husband gets help with his porn addiction and his cheating ways he isn't going to change and you can't make him change either, that's up to him. But you can make changes in yourself. Don't let your past actions keep you from making your life become the best it can be. You owe it to yourself to be happy and only you can make that happen so years from now you are not stuck in the same place. If you need help to do that, get help from friends or family or outside help. Your life is worth much more than you are currently giving yourself credit for. You deserve happiness.

 

nancyleeh

[lighthouse]

he just wants a ticket to the U.S. and you are better than a meal ticket. And it does take a long time to get citizenship. I have a friend who married a US citizen (after living her for 10 years previous) in 1998 and she is still not a US citizen.

Find someone who likes you for you, not for where you are from.

And watch out for STDs.

lighthouse