Confuggled_one Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 Hey guys, just felt like ranting today.. Im feeling rather shady today.. As you guys might know my ex has emailed me and invited me to her birthday party.. Her email was not about the invitation though... she just wanted to tell me about some school stuff that was rather important. I thanked her and did not mention anything... However i did tel her i hope everything was okay and to take care.. i guess that was too much attetnion. I have been going out a lot lately.. but my body can not keep up with my depression. I sleep 10 hours a day and need a 2 hour nap inbetween.. but that still doesnt make up for anything. everytime i wake up, im so sore.. I think my health is declining again, and i cannot eat anything. Sleep is getting easier though.. so is eatting. I dont know what i feel towards my ex anymore, and i really dont know what to do. Everyone tells me not to show up at her birthday party.. but i cant find the heart not to show up. I really miss her.. every single day.. i know she still thinks of me... but i feel like she has forgotten bout things we have shared together. I know it doesnt matter, nor should i worry anymore. but it's just one of those days. Sometimes i just wish i could call her up, tell her how i feel... everyone tells me to let it be.. even myself. but it's so hard to move on. Everyone wonder why i stayed in such an abusive relationship.. i even wonder myself. why did i bother staying? i dont even konw myself. It's been three full weeks since i last saw her. I really miss her. every single bit of her. But the things i find out about her.. make me feel horrible. I dont even know how these things get into my ears.. but all my friends tell me things about her. I should ask them to stop, but i want to know too: it makes me get over her faster knowing what she is doing behind me.. it makes me mad at her.. i wonder if she was ever faithful to me.. she always thought i was cheating behind her... she also thought everytime i chat with someone i was flirting.. which was not true at all. i guess that was just a self projection of herself. Im really fed up.. i dont konw if it's my body trying to repress all these feelings causing me to be so stressed out.. or if it's just taht im physically beat. I got a bit tipsy a few days ago, and pushed myself to work out. That was horrible. and i follwed by 2 hours of sleep, 3 hours, 4 hours.... it never increased after that. Hanging out with a friend numbs the pain for a while.. a lot of people want to go out with me.. but i really cant find myself hurting anyone while im like this. i feel as if i lost a big part of me. and that i can barely function. i cant even focus on hw.... i really need some suggestions.. I want to go to her birthday party.. I want to make her happy that day.. just by showing up.. but i dont know how ill take it.. all my best friends are going to be there.. and no one else. sigh i hate how im so hung up by this situation.. thanks for reading -Confuggled
magichands Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 I want to make her happy that day.. just by showing up.. Dude...you have an amazing presence!
Author Confuggled_one Posted October 28, 2006 Author Posted October 28, 2006 Dude...you have an amazing presence! what do you mean? lol are you being sarcastic..!!!
AriaIncognito Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 Confuggled, First of all, I'm really sorry that you're feeling so much sadness and pain. It's truly sad that any of us have to go through it, but I suppose that's the chance we take when we willingly give of our hearts. Anyway... As selfless as your post sounds, that's exactly your issue right now. You want to make her happy that day. What has she done recently to earn that from you? I ask the same things of myself when I get to thinking about wanting to make my ex happy. What's he done to make me want to be nice to him? Nothing. He's just given up. Try to be selfish. Try to focus on what you need. You said it yourself in your post, as hard as it is to admit it and as hard as it will be to follow it, you need to tell people to stop telling you about her. You need to try to let her go. And I know, I'm not one to talk because I too need to let my ex go, and I'm trying my best. Sometimes, it's very difficult. Sometimes, I get so angry at him, I could spit. Thinking of how giving I was, and how taking he became. Try to focus on that kind of thing for yourself, to help yourself realize that she wasn't giving you all you deserve. Maybe in time, our exes will earn and deserve our attention, but right now, they do not, so we should do the best that we can to pick up, and find someone who will earn that and deserve that. We owe it to ourselves. Not to them. Hope tomorrow brings a better day for you. Jennifer
Author Confuggled_one Posted October 28, 2006 Author Posted October 28, 2006 Confuggled, First of all, I'm really sorry that you're feeling so much sadness and pain. It's truly sad that any of us have to go through it, but I suppose that's the chance we take when we willingly give of our hearts. Anyway... As selfless as your post sounds, that's exactly your issue right now. You want to make her happy that day. What has she done recently to earn that from you? I ask the same things of myself when I get to thinking about wanting to make my ex happy. What's he done to make me want to be nice to him? Nothing. He's just given up. Try to be selfish. Try to focus on what you need. You said it yourself in your post, as hard as it is to admit it and as hard as it will be to follow it, you need to tell people to stop telling you about her. You need to try to let her go. And I know, I'm not one to talk because I too need to let my ex go, and I'm trying my best. Sometimes, it's very difficult. Sometimes, I get so angry at him, I could spit. Thinking of how giving I was, and how taking he became. Try to focus on that kind of thing for yourself, to help yourself realize that she wasn't giving you all you deserve. Maybe in time, our exes will earn and deserve our attention, but right now, they do not, so we should do the best that we can to pick up, and find someone who will earn that and deserve that. We owe it to ourselves. Not to them. Hope tomorrow brings a better day for you. Jennifer Jen: Thank you for your reply. You just opened my eyes. Literally.. Thanks again.. I hope you are doing better yourself. I am sorry i never got back to replying to your thread.. I hope tomorrow brings better for you too -Confuggled...
Kamille Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 Thanks for sharing your story Confuggled. I'm really sorry you are going through all this pain. Everything you desrcribe sounds really hard to live through, and it's true that broken hearts do take a toll on our bodies. I'm glad to hear you are eating better and that sleep is getting easier. I want to go to her birthday party.. I want to make her happy that day.. just by showing up.. but i dont know how ill take it.. all my best friends are going to be there.. and no one else. sigh i hate how im so hung up by this situation.. Like ariawoman said, you have to think of yourself first. Happyness is a funny thing, we cannot make other people happy at the expense of our own feelings. Just be true to yourself. And start thinking about what you will be doing instead of going to the party. How about a trip? Any friends or family living out of town you could visit?
fatty Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Hey, I am glad airwoman made that comment. I went throught the exact same thing and still am going through. I am alot stronger because you have to pick up the pieces and fix yoruself. You have to understand that YOU need this time HEAL. You say you want to make her happy? When was the last time you made yourself happy? When people go through breakups or withdrawls they go in tunnel vision. They completely ingore their feelings and think about the significant other. It is time to place your self first man. I know you can do it. Step by Step. Reality is that if you do not show up for her birthday she will survive. She is not going to die. Go out with a couple of freinds, rent a comedy movie and laugh your pain away. You need to start looking out for yourself and build the real you again. Step by Step you will. Man i was soo depressed that for one week I was throwing up, no word of a lie. But I am alot stronger and feel 10 times better now. I took this book out of the library "Its a breakup because its broken" and it helped me alot!!!!. You guys did breakup for reasons, and those reasons implied the way you or her felt. If you stay in teh gray area - as in talking to her and in contact- you will never rid yourself properly of these feelings. Do one thing a day that will make your proud of yoruself and you will do because you WANT to. Make a plan and cancel if you FEEL to do so. And remember no contact. Stay strong bro. We all here for you man.
Author Confuggled_one Posted October 29, 2006 Author Posted October 29, 2006 Hey guys, Fatty: Thank you for what you said. I am glad i found LS and glad you guys are here for me to reach out to/relate to. It helps a lot during the shady-est times. I will start looking out for myself. thanks bro. i hope you are completely healed.. too Kamille: Hey, thanks for your suggestions too. I think i should prob go over seas to visit my relatives.. but then again, money is tight for me.. so ill figure something out. thanks for your suggestions and encouragement. i really appreciate it. I just wanted to say thanks for all the support. I went out with my friends today.. chilled the whole day.. had lots of fun.. but outta the blue my ex started to get worked up. she starts msging my best friend.. said lots of stuff.. but she still wonders if i think about her, why i dont invite her to places.. why is everyone neglecting her, etc. I cant help but feel bad for her. Cause everyone is figuring out who she really is.. and it is hurting me to see her not have any friends. Moreover, i can see her desperation coming in again.. she is starting to lose it. she is emotionally instable, and unable to function. i am worried about her.. but in a sense i feel so relieved.. relieved that im not the one dealing with this anymore. she realizes how hard it is without me now. i havent talked to her for a while.. and i dont plan on saying anything to her but a happy bday for the recent days to come. I dont know what to say or how to react. i feel bad for her. but i know it's over.. atleast for now.. unless she changes. I was goin through some old pictures i had of her.. she looked so different. she was pure and innocent before... but now all i can see is how much lust she has.. how she wants to please other people to get what she wants.. how her physical looks have changed as well.. though she looks better right now because she lost a few pounds, uses makeup, and wears fancier clothes.. i found her far more attractive when she was more natural. There was just something different when i use to look into her eyes.. just that vibe she gave off.. you can see that she had something that no one else had.. everytime i gazed deeply into her eyes... she made my heart stop for 3 seconds.. and my heart would beat so fast for it to catch up on the missin beats.. she would make my stomach full of butterflies.. haha i feel so cheesy for typin this but it's just the truth. I guess i really did love the old her.. and i cant expect her to convert back.. for i think it's best to leave our relationship as it is now. Ill admit, I still miss her... i really miss her each day.. i miss seein her smile at me, i miss everything about her. Im still madly in love with her.. but i want the abuse to end.. I have finally came to accept.. im okay without her. it took a long time, a lot of tears, and a lot of emotional/physical pain to learn this. but maybe, if one day.. we both learn how to change, something might be there for us again. That's just hopeful thinking and i already learned how to let go of this concept.. so i guess im movin forward.... as im trying to recover, my moods have been inconsistent. i have become a bit more moody and a lot less patient. i think im starting to get on the nerve of my mom.. maybe i should just stop being such an emo bastard. but thanks for everything you guys have said. i really appreciate it. [end/rant]
D-Lish Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Yep C~ you gotta look after yourself. People ignoring her and distancing themselves from her is a lesson she is going to have to learn, and hopefully grow from. I really hope you don't go to the party. She doesn't deserve your concern or attention, not after the ways she has mistreated you. You'll have more than one love in your life. I wouldn't even say Happy b-day... why do you feel you owe her that? You're being far too nice to this girl... Good luck, and take care. I'm sorry you're hurting, and it does get easier, I promise. Dee
Author Confuggled_one Posted October 30, 2006 Author Posted October 30, 2006 Yep C~ you gotta look after yourself. People ignoring her and distancing themselves from her is a lesson she is going to have to learn, and hopefully grow from. I really hope you don't go to the party. She doesn't deserve your concern or attention, not after the ways she has mistreated you. You'll have more than one love in your life. I wouldn't even say Happy b-day... why do you feel you owe her that? You're being far too nice to this girl... Good luck, and take care. I'm sorry you're hurting, and it does get easier, I promise. Dee Dee, you are one strong girl. I am proud of what you are doing.. try not to think too much. your ex is messed up and he just wants to get back at you. I hope i can pull it off.. it's this coming friday. i feel bad for her cause i believe no one is going to show up. but you're right. i dont owe her nothing. now we gotta see what happens.. i hope you feel better and thank you for always giving me your advice. i hope all is well with you -Confuggled
D-Lish Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Dee, you are one strong girl. I am proud of what you are doing.. try not to think too much. your ex is messed up and he just wants to get back at you. I hope i can pull it off.. it's this coming friday. i feel bad for her cause i believe no one is going to show up. but you're right. i dont owe her nothing. now we gotta see what happens.. i hope you feel better and thank you for always giving me your advice. i hope all is well with you -Confuggled It's my pleasure to respond buttercup! I think the problem is that you are giving far too much of your energy to someone that doesn't deserve your affection or worry. Maybe no one will go to the party... But if I was an ass-h&le to others, I'd expect I'd be drinking myself into oblivion on my birthday by myself. That's a lesson she may have to learn. I am only strong sometimes... put up a good front! I still cry over it sometimes, but it gets easier. And it will get easier for you too! Thanks for your kind words as well. D
Author Confuggled_one Posted October 30, 2006 Author Posted October 30, 2006 It's my pleasure to respond buttercup! I think the problem is that you are giving far too much of your energy to someone that doesn't deserve your affection or worry. Maybe no one will go to the party... But if I was an ass-h&le to others, I'd expect I'd be drinking myself into oblivion on my birthday by myself. That's a lesson she may have to learn. I am only strong sometimes... put up a good front! I still cry over it sometimes, but it gets easier. And it will get easier for you too! Thanks for your kind words as well. D Hey Dee, Thanks again. Today i feel so ashamed. I went to my ex's myspace. though i did read something that hurt me.. I got over it really fast. I talked to one of my friends today about how she was soooo upset that my friends are hangin with me all the time.. and he told me "She isnt even with you, that shouldnt bother her." and i agree with what he said. Slowly applying that to my situation.. it helped me get over it faster. plus i know she knows i check her page.. so she purposely does it to hurt me. Plus D is right: she doesnt deserve my attention no more. I am tired of being her doormat and someone she turns to whenever she needs to feel good about herself. I am tired of putting up with her ****. I am tired of her tryin to make me jealous, everything. I will make my heart so stone cold to her from now on the best thing she can get to me is just the word 'friends' thanks for all your support.. im trying to get over her. and i think im doin a good job. sometimes tellin yourself lies and makin yourself eat the facts helps a lot. haha well im done ranting. thanks for reading
D-Lish Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 It's going to take time and a bit of work on your part~ but it sounds like you are getting angry, and that is a healthy part of healing. At some point you will hit the stage where you wonder what you ever saw in this person. Yep, C~ you do deserve better! And (lol) stop viewing that page! Guranteed it's cleverley designed to get to you because she probably knows you look at it. Sometimes, it's just better not knowing what they are doing. You'll recover much faster if you stay away from the info your friends give you and by viewing her page. You're doing well. Don't give into her neediness. And stop worrying about her feelings~ people make their own troubles. D
Author Confuggled_one Posted October 30, 2006 Author Posted October 30, 2006 It's going to take time and a bit of work on your part~ but it sounds like you are getting angry, and that is a healthy part of healing. At some point you will hit the stage where you wonder what you ever saw in this person. Yep, C~ you do deserve better! And (lol) stop viewing that page! Guranteed it's cleverley designed to get to you because she probably knows you look at it. Sometimes, it's just better not knowing what they are doing. You'll recover much faster if you stay away from the info your friends give you and by viewing her page. You're doing well. Don't give into her neediness. And stop worrying about her feelings~ people make their own troubles. D Hey Dee, I was getting angry at point.. but it just stopped. I know i should have stop going to her f***ing myspace page cause it's f***ing getting to me now. You know what she did? She put up this song that made me go back to her before. and types this whole thing about "oh man this song is simple but has the deepest lyrics".... I really miss her, and for a while i almost wanted to message her.. just THOUGHT about it.. but i didnt do it. I signed on AIM and MSN.. she knew those names but blocked me. And iwasnt expecting her to unblock me either. Maybe she will crack soon.. I just really missed her all of the sudden. Also today irecieved two calls from my home phone.. both times they hung up.. calling at diff. times. I guess she is trying to reachout to me and she really wants to see me now.. why cant she just tell me? I dont understand!!!!! anyways.. i cant get over this but i think im starting to feel less for her......... her myspace page was just a set back lol i need to stop that ****. why does love have to be this complicated.
Guest Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Confuggled, First of all, I'm really sorry that you're feeling so much sadness and pain. It's truly sad that any of us have to go through it, but I suppose that's the chance we take when we willingly give of our hearts. Anyway... As selfless as your post sounds, that's exactly your issue right now. You want to make her happy that day. What has she done recently to earn that from you? I ask the same things of myself when I get to thinking about wanting to make my ex happy. What's he done to make me want to be nice to him? Nothing. He's just given up. Try to be selfish. Try to focus on what you need. You said it yourself in your post, as hard as it is to admit it and as hard as it will be to follow it, you need to tell people to stop telling you about her. You need to try to let her go. And I know, I'm not one to talk because I too need to let my ex go, and I'm trying my best. Sometimes, it's very difficult. Sometimes, I get so angry at him, I could spit. Thinking of how giving I was, and how taking he became. Try to focus on that kind of thing for yourself, to help yourself realize that she wasn't giving you all you deserve. Maybe in time, our exes will earn and deserve our attention, but right now, they do not, so we should do the best that we can to pick up, and find someone who will earn that and deserve that. We owe it to ourselves. Not to them. Hope tomorrow brings a better day for you. Jennifer WOO HOOO! I'VE BEEN DOING THE SPIT THING SO U CAN SEE THAT I HAVE NOTICED - AND I'VE RELAPSED....AND I NEEDED TO BACKSLIDE TO TRULY SEE HOW WHAT U DO EFFECTS ME...IT HAS ACTUALLY MADE ME STRONGER KNOWING U FIND IT EASY TO DO ALL THESE THINGS - INSTEAD OF DOING SOMETHING RIGHT...SAY...DID U EVER LIKE ANY OF MY WEB CAM STUFF?
Guest Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 in 321 called ang that really played hard to get and she told me how wicked she had orgasms...reminded me of my ex....and she got so made that i was 'dating' that chick from ireland.... that was the most insane fantasy land i have ever gone too thank gawd for the depression and blow or i might have thought i was in reality
Kamille Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I guess she is trying to reachout to me and she really wants to see me now.. why cant she just tell me? I dont understand!!!!! She can't tell you because, hmmm, how do I put this gently, she's too self-centered to approach you in a mature, giving manner. See, she wants this to be about her, not about the two of you. And definitely not about you. She needs you to keep hanging on and this is why she's playing all these immature mind games. You're probably right in assessing that she is going through a hard time right now, but YOU CANNOT HELP HER. She needs to go through this on her own. And frankly, what she is doing really isn't fair to you. I agree with D, anger is healthy in the process of healing. Don't be afraid of feeling it. Anger is much better then the spinning what ifs we get when broken hearted. Anger affords a form of clarity. And anger will subside in time to be replaced with even better clarity about yourself and the relationship you had. What I'm trying to say is that anger is a way to actually be able to let go of her, stick up for yourself, and finally, eventually, appreciate the relationship for what it was. A beautiful complex thing of the past. we're all rooting for you Confuggled! K
dr strangelove Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 After reading through your original post and now your new posts. I have to admit its pretty confusing. Any chance you can summarize what is going on? Is she taking anything for her bi-polar-disorder ? Is she still see someone?
Author Confuggled_one Posted October 30, 2006 Author Posted October 30, 2006 She can't tell you because, hmmm, how do I put this gently, she's too self-centered to approach you in a mature, giving manner. See, she wants this to be about her, not about the two of you. And definitely not about you. She needs you to keep hanging on and this is why she's playing all these immature mind games. You're probably right in assessing that she is going through a hard time right now, but YOU CANNOT HELP HER. She needs to go through this on her own. And frankly, what she is doing really isn't fair to you. I agree with D, anger is healthy in the process of healing. Don't be afraid of feeling it. Anger is much better then the spinning what ifs we get when broken hearted. Anger affords a form of clarity. And anger will subside in time to be replaced with even better clarity about yourself and the relationship you had. What I'm trying to say is that anger is a way to actually be able to let go of her, stick up for yourself, and finally, eventually, appreciate the relationship for what it was. A beautiful complex thing of the past. we're all rooting for you Confuggled! K Hola K: Just wanted to say thank you for always giving me your two cents. I really appreciate it. I think she is trying to keep me around just so when she is done having her fun she can come back to me. I dont even want to think about what she has done.. but im sure she has been making out and lettin people grope her.. probably it even advanced to the next level. but it's fine. im over that phase to freak out to whatever she does. You're right.. she has to fix her own problems and i shouldnt be the one who has to guide her through it. I already made her have high self esteem, and able to feel better bout herself.. but all did to me was deconstruct me inside out. i am tired of it.. but I am really feeling better. I guess yesterday was just one of those shady days. so i should get angry? alright.. ill start doin it now. thanks again K. your thoughts/suggestions are very helpful as well as everyone else. -Confuggled
Author Confuggled_one Posted October 30, 2006 Author Posted October 30, 2006 After reading through your original post and now your new posts. I have to admit its pretty confusing. Any chance you can summarize what is going on? Is she taking anything for her bi-polar-disorder ? Is she still see someone? Hey Dr. StrangeLove: Well me and her have been dating for 1 and a half years.. during the "half year" period she would constantly request break ups and the likes of that.. one day she would be very nice to me and tell me she loved me.. then after that day past she would tell me "I DONT LOVE YOU.. I DONT NEED YOU. WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO CLINGY AND WHY CANT YOU LET ME GO?! LEARN HOW TO ELT ME GO". She has been playing these games with me for a while.. and after 3 months during that half year period, she started pulling that No contact s*** on me.. which made me extra desperate. She was my first love and the first person i have dated... and i didnt really know what i was doing.. so i was really desperate.. and clingy.. but now We have not been talking for 3 weeks.. she has been asking friends about me.. wondering what im doing.. if i have moved on.. and now she wants me to go to her birthday party. basically in the beginning (the first month) things were wonderful. but as the months went by, things got worst and worst. Now i dont even know what she wants from me. I guess she just wants me to be there for her just to make her feel better. However she has blocked me on all the messangers.. but i guess that's another trick for me to go back to her and beg her desperately for her to allow me back in her life.... i dont know that's kinda it.. if there is anything i can specify just please ask. I think i need some reassurance about certain things even though many people have told me.. lol haha well thanks again -Confuggled oh and she has borderline personality disorder.. and i think she broke up with her rebound.
dr strangelove Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 Look man. Let me set you straight on a few things. Sometimes love isnt like a story book romance. And theres rough spots. Usually most long term couples have broken up for some period of time during that term. I have to say she acts very weird. And Im still not sure wheter she is contacting you or not. If she does contact you, then I would aske her what is it that she would like. Or you can write her something. Im not gong to tell you what to write but, I can suggest a few things. See most of my exes have been somewhat of whack jobs like this chick so.. shes kind of up my alley. Heres something else, if you like to be clingy. Then find a clingy girlfriend it makes everything great. My ex was acting like her, but you have to understand only after we broke up. If you going to take her back, she should be in some kind of counselling or on some kind of meds or something. Im not a big fan of chemicals, Im not sure if there is some herbal remedy for her condition. I guess.. you could tell her to f**k off and be done with it, or stick around and deal with her BS. Your young though, you should probably shop around before settling. Find a clingy chick ;-)
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