joel Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 have any of u guys have any friends or are u one of em , that come from a very very sheltered, over protective and strict family. i actually come from one and i think it did me more damage to my life growing up then good. Going to elemetary and HS i was told to come home right after class-why to study, even on a friday. on weekends i would either be at the local library to read the newspaper or at home studying. i had no social life and my parents were against having friends and going out. they thought freinds would get u into trouble like drugs and be a bad influence.-yea way too over protective. i never got invited to any partys or get togethers -be it christmas, halloween, valentines.....etc u name it. in my whole time at elemary i probably had like 1 friend. in HS samething a differ friend , and maybe a few aquaitances-who i just chit chatted with. come to college -guess what same thing never got invited to anything, never dated , no gf and jsut went to school and came home and studied. i didn't even have any hobbies, but maybe watching NBA basketball and tv-thats about it. my parents didn;t even want me to work, but be in school. they wanted me to go to school, so i could make lot of money and money. thats all they talk about money money. ironically i never really did good in school-even though i studied hard, academics wasn't my thing, and i'm not the smartest guy , i went to a community college instead of a univesity. oh yea and they also picked what i was suppose to take-"this is good and make money, and this is not good and make little money " right now i have like no friends, never had gf, hardly ever dated but girls off the net and i think my parents are to blame for my up bringing-i didn;t develop the social interactions and the social skills growing up, but was at home and stayed at home instead(sheltered). i really wonder if i was raised by a differ family how differ it would be-would i have been more successful, be more popular, had way more gfs. i wonder. now i'm 25 and i really wonder what goin happen to me- in 7 years will i have to go to China to bring home a bride, b/c i can;t find one here. i have no luck now and is trying , so 7 years go by fast who nows. my parents would have no problem with a CHina bride-they are so old fashioned and traditonal , but me No. they can't speak english, or work and i will have to support her.
Malady Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 hi there, I grew up kind of the same way. I missed out on everything kids did for fun. I felt like a grown up by middle school. I remembered once I wanted to out with this guy and my mum denied me. All I ever did was school and home. In high school I was pretty much sad..... I had one best friend and we didn't even hang out outside school. She would always call me and tell me about all of her boyfriends. I felt so jealous because she had all the attention from guys. Now it's four years after high school and I still feel screwed . She's living with her boyfriend and I'm still at home feeling sheltered. You know when we're past 18, we're supposed to have control over our lives. Can't really blame our parents for our problems all the time at some point we need to take responsibilty and live our life. I'm just waiting for my car at this point.
Ambient Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 I am in that situation right now. All my parents stress is school. I get all As and they still bug me about **** all the time. I also feel like an adult and I rather feel like a tennager, like I'm supposed to. I remember when I first started to "like girls" my parents would ask 1000's of questions about every girls I talked to, so I didn't. Now I am starting to just now be more social and I am 16. The solution I found: I have a few good friends, and you probably do to. Hopefully some of them know other people. I know it sounds wierd, but if your friend or someone you know is doing something with a bunch of people, ask if you can go even if they don't invite you. It is akward at first, but it worked for me in the long run. Get to know the people and don't always hang around your friends at social events. Meet knew people.
whichwayisup Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 i'm 25 Then it's time to take control over your life if you're not happy. You're an adult, all grown up - You don't have to listen to your folks! If you want to be happy, make friends, get girlfriends then you have to do the changes within yourself to make that happen! Seek therapy if you need to. Start living life for YOU and not for your parents.
dgiirl Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 Like my mom told me "Just cos your parents raised you to be an ass, doesnt mean you have to stay one" lol (No she wasnt talking about me ) Basically, at some point, you have to stop blaming your parents. They might not have given you the right tools as a child, but there's nothing stopping you from getting them as an adult.
magichands Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 Basically, at some point, you have to stop blaming your parents. They might not have given you the right tools as a child, but there's nothing stopping you from getting them as an adult. Plastic surgery can be expensive, though.
dgiirl Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 Plastic surgery can be expensive, though. lol perhaps, but personality is priceless compared to plastic surgery.
Walk Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 I can understand a bit why you feel your upbringing hampered your social development. My upbringing was really strict, combined with living on a farm that was several miles from the closest neighbor... kind of segragated me as a kid. By 20, I'd had enough, since they were still very much in control of my life and my future. So I moved to the opposite side of the country. Furthest I could get from them. hahah I had a tough time figuring out how to get them to stop smoothering me, and do it in an adult manner. I guess you either have to decide if you want to continue living your life this way, or finally grab the courage to strike off on your own. Are your parents still paying for everything? Do you have a job? Are you still living with them? You want change, then change things. If you don't have a job, then get one.. maybe somewhere that requires a lot of social interaction so you can meet people. If you live with your parents, move out. Get an apartment, pay your own way. It builds belief in yourself that you can suceed in life by your own hands. Which helps build the confidence to talk to people. Which helps create friends, and romantic interests. You're not 14 anymore... You are an adult. Start acting like one. Take responsibility for how you want your life to go.
Guest Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 A little bkgrd on me... 27, female, raised by chinese parents too. Your story sounds no different from mine. Go to school, Make more money, and for god sakes don't marry a white man! haha. I used to wonder all the time how different life would be too, but part of growing up is learning to forgive your parents. I'm still working on that... So I moved to the other side of the country 2 years ago and it's been the best thing I've ever done. The party thing wore out after a while, but hey had to find out for myself. Started dating too, figured out it's a lot of work for what it's worth sometimes too, but hey had to try that out too. And even though I'm not a doctor or a lawyer, it means a lot to be self-sufficient. Just a warning, you'll still find your parents creeping up on you no matter how far away you move or how old you get. Understand they'll always be disappointed, but when they talk to friends they're always bragging about you. Gotta save face. AND PLEASE PLEASE... Don't go to China just to marry any girl there!!! I know you have to carry on the family line, but seriously, that's the kind of thinking that has always scared me about getting involved with a traditional family.
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