nexteltx Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 I’ve posted a topic explaining my entire situation, but I have a specific question. Is it normal after being cheated on, to feel worthless and sometimes jealous that someone else got attention from your wife, and time from your wife that is denied to you. I guess I’m just feeling down, and kinda jealous that her time, her affection, her attention, her love, and her desire was supposed to be given to me the one who has committed his life to her but instead goes to a stranger. Is this normal and how do you explain it, how do you live with it, how do you make her understand?
outofdarkness Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 I’ve posted a topic explaining my entire situation, but I have a specific question. Is it normal after being cheated on, to feel worthless and sometimes jealous that someone else got attention from your wife, and time from your wife that is denied to you. yes, it is normal, as far as I am concerned to feel jeolous and worthless after your W or H has had an A. I felt the same way for around a year when things started to get better. It's now been two years and I still have days when I feel a whole array of bad feelings, but they are fewer and farther between now, so it does get better with time. I guess I’m just feeling down, and kinda jealous that her time, her affection, her attention, her love, and her desire was supposed to be given to me the one who has committed his life to her but instead goes to a stranger. Is this normal and how do you explain it, how do you live with it, how do you make her understand? You cannot "make" her understand! You cannot make anyone feel the way you want them to feel or do what you want them to do. They have to really want it themselves. You will keep on having huge pity parties if you don't make an effort to give this up! The explaination for these feelings is that everyone who has been cheated on is going to feel inadequate and self loathsome for awhile. It is only normal that the one who was cheated on would wonder what in the world they had done or not done to cause it. Sometimes, there really IS something that the H or W has said or done to cause it, sometimes it fills a void in the marriage, sometimes the marriage was bad before the A, and sometimes, the cheaters are just looking for a thrill, are bored or just plain selfish. Every situation is unique, and you didn't say enough about your's for me to comment on that further. How do you live with it? In my opinion, support from family, friends, your religion of choice, Marriage Couns. and Indiv. Couns., and just plain old fasioned time...Both spouses have to be 100 percent committed to making the M work, or it is pointless to even try. Hope this helps. I understand your feelings, as I was cheated on by my H for over 10 years...Blessings..
GuestI'mHere Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 Yes, it's normal. Absolutely. Have you forgiven? I'm sorry for your pain. The best way is to talk it out..through MC, journals, one-on-one talks with WS..anything! I'm sorry for your pain.
Crimson107 Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 Even as the person who committed the affair, I still feel worthless to my wife and not good enough. Having the affair just gives me another reason to beat up on myself. Damn I was stupid. But now when she touches me, I am on fire. I feel all the butterflies again and having just a hug or holding the hand can be just as amazing as any sexaul experience. I made the mistake and I have to be vulernable to her jealousy and own greiving of the mess. However, it's worth it for those moments. If you want it to work and your wife wants it to work. Then relish the victories cause there will be many set-backs and relaps to what you are feeling now. I am looking for the sweetness of a second chance and I think it is out there in the distance. I pray your wife truely wants to work things out. Good luck and maybe kick somes puppies if you have to -lol. Hang in there! If she was worth it before then there can still be something there.
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