Guest Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 A couple months ago, my fiance told me about a guy in her online courses. She added him to her Myspace friends list. One night, she says the guy is flirting with her and wanted a picture, nothing more was said. So the next day, curiosity got the better of me and I checked her e-mail. She had a pretty hot and heavy series of e-mails going. About two days later she told me more of what went back and forth. She then showed me the series of e-mails. At this point, it was not a big deal for me. She said she enjoyed teasing him and she told me about the whole thing, so I wasn't mad. So, a couple weeks later, she tells me he wrote to her about something. I said as long as she told me everything I wouldn't be mad. So a week later I find out that they have been e-mailing back and forth a lot. I decided to install a keylogger. Two nights ago, I was working a night shift and she calls me at 10pm to say that she's falling asleep. When I get home and check, she had been e-mailing the guy and sent one at 9:57pm, telling him to call her on her cell phone, you know, a phone sex type situation. As far as I can tell, he never ended up calling that night. The next night, I found an e-mail from her answering his question on her pubic hair. She said she is shaving it all off tomorrow (which is today) and "so the countdown begins". What I didn't mention is that I will probably be sent out of town for a couple weeks on short notice, anytime after today. I'm trying to figure out if they plan on getting together while I'm gone. He lives pretty far away, so air travel would have to be involved. What do I do? confront her today, before I leave?
Craig Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 If you confront her she'll know you are on to her. If you want someone with character that you can depend on and trust then maybe you should give her enough rope to hang herself. If she cheats you know what to do but if she backs off from this guy maybe your trust of her will return. On the other hand confronting her may be just the wake up call that will set her straight once and for all. That doesn't mean she'll be with you but she'll make a choice. A choice between you and the unknown. Does he know she is 'with' you? Confronting her is up to you. Cheating can take almost no time and some people do it all their lives without getting caught or raising the suspicions of their SO. I guess it all comes down to what you want. Do you want someone you feel the need to monitor or someone with whom you can relax with.
Guest Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 If you confront her she'll know you are on to her. If you want someone with character that you can depend on and trust then maybe you should give her enough rope to hang herself. If she cheats you know what to do but if she backs off from this guy maybe your trust of her will return. On the other hand confronting her may be just the wake up call that will set her straight once and for all. That doesn't mean she'll be with you but she'll make a choice. A choice between you and the unknown. Does he know she is 'with' you? Confronting her is up to you. Cheating can take almost no time and some people do it all their lives without getting caught or raising the suspicions of their SO. I guess it all comes down to what you want. Do you want someone you feel the need to monitor or someone with whom you can relax with. YES..U STOP IT RIGHT THERE. IF U DON'T THEN U ARE ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE PART OF THE BLAME....DON'T PLAY GAMES = SEE IT AS A TEST. MAYBE THEY ARE NOT 'WELL' - DO U REALLY WANT TO DO THAT...I WOULD FEEL INCREDIBLY SAD IF THAT ENDED THINGS AND KNEW I COULD HAVE PREVENTED IT - THAT IS WHAT A PARTNER IS SUPPOSED TO DO - SUPPORT THE ONE THAT IS STUMBLING...THAT WOULD HAVE MADE U BOTH STRONGER...HOWEVER, I WILL NEVER AGREE WITH BEING A DETECTIVE ON A PARTNER WHILE IN A RELATIONSHIP...THAT BREDS DISTRUST AND FEAR AND WITHIN YOUR OWN HOME...ITS OK WHEN THE END HAPPENS - NOT DURING...IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE THAT WOULD LET THEIR PARTNER DO SUCH A THING KNOWING THEY COULD STOP THEM? ISN'T THAT TELLING U THAT THEY ARE SABOTAGING AS WELL? IF I KNEW MY PARTNER WAS ON THE EDGE I WOULD STEP IN...DOESN';T MEAN IT WOULDN'T HAPPEN BUT IT WOULD BE IN THE OPEN...
Kinger25 Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 I reckon she's got a bit of a nerve mailing this guy anyway, and I am surprised you have been so tolerant of it so far. She's supposed to be your fiance yes? She's being kind of cute as far as how much she tell's you about what she's doing. I mean she is telling you enough info so that you think she's being honest with you about it and therefore you trust her to a point, but she's missing out vital info such as phone calls etc. I would say BIG RED FLAG. Be careful, I think she may cheat on you. Keep your eyes peeled
magichands Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 I mean she is telling you enough info so that you think she's being honest with you about it and therefore you trust her to a point, but she's missing out vital info such as phone calls etc. I completely agree. This is selective honesty. By giving out her personal details - and flirting with him - she has crossed the line.
Sup Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 I completely agree. This is selective honesty. By giving out her personal details - and flirting with him - she has crossed the line. I agree as well. There's a saying: If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck!
nwwa Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 Thanks for the good responses folks. I'm going to complicate it just a little more. My trip has been cancelled. I keep looking for and e-mail informing the other guy of that, but she could be using work e-mail or something. I'm not sure if I want to admit to snooping when all I have is an invitation for the guy to call her while I'm at work.
Romeo Must Die Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 That is just a cover. Alot of affairs start under the pretenses of justifiable reasons why the cheater is associated with this other person. We just work together. We're just friends. He is married. It's an internet thing. Confronting her too soon would just give her another chance to try to deceive you and she will go underground, change email addy, buy a trac phone, etc. I would say that I have to leave immediately (tonight) and I would offer her some excuse about travel and accomidation conflicts. I would be hiding in the house near the computer and phone and I would see what transpires when she thinks I was not around.
nexteltx Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 That’s how my wife began her treasonous behavior, with some illicit emails and phone conversations. This sounds all to familiar, read my post it’ll update you as to what you can expect from letting this go on unchecked.
Bryanp Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 Your engaged to marry her and she is pulling this crap on you? You have got to be kidding. If she is doing this now you can guarantee she will be screwing around on you after you are married. Do you think she would accept such behavior from you with another woman if the roles were reversed? I think you would be quite foolish to marry her now. She has showed you her true character.
nwwa Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 Ok, so I have been monitering pretty closely since the e-mails about pubic hair styling. She does not appear to have e-mailed him at all or vice-versa. I know that she didn't talk to him that night that she e-mailed him to call her while I was at work. I know that she knew something was wrong with me last weekend but I didn't let on. I haven't seen any exchange about if he was planning on coming up here or not and ther should have been something as soon as I told her I wasn't going on the trip. I'm not sure whether to just sit on this information or not. I don't want her to take more steps to be secretive just in case.
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