Guest Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 I had posted about calling him. Telling him my true feelings-no expectations-just letting him know the truth. Assorted feedback on all that. Yes, he could've just been playing me all along. That is why I dumped him so quickly and did what I did. I wasn't going to let him get the best of me. Pride. And that may not have even been a reality. I have no way of knowing that now. What was most important to me was that I had the upper-hand. I had gone through hell with this man, and he'd had his share as well. Yes, it all could've been a game, and that is a logical conclusion seeing how it's all turned out. I'm not blind. Hell, I've avoided him for months. He turned me down last week. That was all just very spontaneous and I just spoke what I felt. Maybe I should very well feel stupid about that. What do I really know as fact? He had a legitimate reason not to go along with me. It appeared in some ways, but not all, that he wanted to. What can I speculate about? For whatever reason, he simply couldn't/didn't want to tell me he wasn't interested. Maybe he just likes the ego stroke. Maybe he really loves her and wouldn't do that to her. Maybe he really wouldn't do that to anyone. Maybe he can't be with me if he is still with her. Maybe he wants me to think that he wouldn't do something like that. Fact: He told me to call him in a few weeks. Speculation: He wants me to call him. He wants me to call him because it strokes his ego. He wants to make her jealous. He was just giving me the brush off and it was a line. Fact: He wouldn't even give me a hug. He never had a problem with it before. Speculation: I don't know! Why???? So it would bother me? Because he would consider it cheating? (He never had a problem hugging women friends when he was with me.) Hugging "me" would be cheating? He was afraid someone would see us and tell her? He wouldn't be able to control himself? I wouldn't be able to control myself? He didn't want to make me think he was interested? I'm going to call him just to say hi and see how he's doing. I was thinking of writing a letter instead. What are the thoughts on that? Good idea or bad? He always wanted me to write him a letter and I never did. I didn't do a lot of things I should've. Is it better to write or call or talk in person. I was opting for the latter two, preferably in person, but now I'm wondering about writing instead. Does anyone think this is a bad idea? As opposed to calling or writing that is? Then, if he doesn't respond, it could only mean: He's not interested and can't tell me that/he was playing me all along I know him well enough to know that if he really cares at all, he'll respond. Writing a letter will give him safe space where he doesn't have to face anything unpleasant. He can just not respond, and still have bragging rights. If he wants to respond, he will, knowing he won't have the ordeal of having to talk about it. I'm thinking it may be a really good idea. Comments? Please? Now is the time for you to point out the flaws in this plan.
bchlvr Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 If I understand your post correctly, you said two things that are important: 1) You suspect that your ex is "game playing" with you now or in the past. 2) You ended the relationship because there was a lack of mutuality, "he was not interested." " He turned me down last week." It sounds like it is time to let go, move on, and focus on things that contribute to your feeling good about yourself. The way to do that is by going No Contact.
Kamille Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 Just reread your other thread and I am very ambivalent about what advice to give you. All I know is that you don't sound like you are in a good space about this whole thing right now and so this might not be the best time to approach him. You are looking for an answer to a riddle that has been troubling you by turning to him, and he probably won't be able to offer it to you. But like you said in the other thread, maybe you need that answer, whatever it is, to move on. At the same time, approaching him now might open up a whole can of worms. His not being able to hug you is a sign that a) he did have feelings for you b) he is moving on. Do you really want to bring him right back to a space of hurt feelings and confusion? What can you offer him? Are you in a space to offer him something emotionnally stable? Honestly hon, it doesn't sound like you are to me and I don't think it will happen in the next few days. Let him go. Wait until thinks are calmer in your head and you can avoid jumping to conclusions about what his actions might mean. love k
Guest Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 If I understand your post correctly, you said two things that are important: 1) You suspect that your ex is "game playing" with you now or in the past. 2) You ended the relationship because there was a lack of mutuality, "he was not interested." " He turned me down last week." It sounds like it is time to let go, move on, and focus on things that contribute to your feeling good about yourself. The way to do that is by going No Contact. Read my previous posts. I can't rehash all that. We've been in no contact for months. He had been trying to get back with me throughout and I ignored him and did not let him know I how I felt.
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