EyesandMind Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 I am a middle-aged divorced male. I have been married once to someone that I considered my best friend. Believe it or not however, I was never really attracted to her. I never admitted this fact to her (what would be the use) since I only thought it would be hurtful. It was I who wanted a divorce, and only after issues related to her selfishness made me realize how little she cared for me. Perhaps as a reaction to having a relationship with someone I cared for deeply, but did not find attractive, I have now found myself only searching for woman that I find very attractive. The problem that I find is that very attractive women have a tendency to be even more selfish and arrogant than my ex. Further, since I am financially secure, it is difficult to know if such women really value me as a person. I guess my feelings at this point in my life is that a long-term relationship or marriage is a gamble with anyone, so I might as well gamble with someone who is very attractive to me. It almost seems as if there is mechanism in woman that counterbalances their beauty with selfishness and arrogance. This of course is a gross simplification, but I think many might still agree with this as a general truism. I am currently involved with a beautiful woman. She is really the most beautiful woman that I have ever dated. I think she is probably a near ten in attractiveness to me, but she is clearly not the most giving person I have ever met. Further she commonly tells me that other people tell her she is beautiful....and she agrees. On the good side of things my response to these comments is to basically make humor of them and tell her that her head is getting bigger each day, and she laughs. Further when she seems overly demanding, I feel perfectly capable of negotiating with her to a reasonable compromise. I guess I am unsure if this is the right long-term relationship for me, since i know that looks will fade, and I will be living with a personality potentially for the rest of my life. I am however very pliable, and capable of adapting to a wide range of personalities, and have been like this my whole life. It is only when person becomes excessively selfish that I can no longer cope. I believe I have learned in my life however to voice my concerns early and clearly to avoid big problems in the future.
mental_traveller Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 This should be called "great looks, suck-ass personality". Why the hell would you want to have a long-term relationship with a bitchy self-centered piece of eye candy? Repeat after me - attractive bitches for no strings sex, attractive nice girls for relationships. Got that? Good. Now party for a while with these vain, self-centered beauty queens, have some fun, and once you meet a woman who acts as good as she looks, then you can ditch them all and go for something more serious. Don't settle!
burning 4 revenge Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 For long term relationships looks should be secondary. But you know this already.
elijahBailey Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 Give yourself time, OP. Believe me, a few months down the road, you'll probably find that she's "not that great". My SO is not bad in the looks department as well and people tell me that. But now I just can't "see" that beauty anymore. It's not that she's changed. She's still the same as before, but ...... heck, I see her everyday!! Try eating caviar everyday. You get the picture. So, anyhow..... looks are great, but tell yourself this..... if she's got bad character, you're gonna be living with that every single day that you're married to her.
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