The shock of reality and understanding.

October 26, 2006

I am going to take the advice of many of you at this point and post when I need to like right about NOW!

It's amazing the actual SHOCK one can feel when you completly know it's over! I am still trying to understand this MM that I let myself fall in love with. I have always been up-front and honest with him as a MW. What is simply killing me here is his denial! How in the WORLD can this man say he is sooo Happily Married and DO the thing's he did with me???? Is he just hidding his real feeling's about her beacuse he is to ashamed of what a break up might look like for him?

Deep down inside I feel he loves me. Don't you think that there must be something missing in his marriage for him to keep running back for more hug's touches and talk's?? Any answers would help me alot right now. Trying to feel like I have not been crazy for the past year!

AP

October 26, 2006

what seems to be the problem? all this post says is there is a mm and a mw and the shock is something about denial? perhaps u could try stating what the problem actually is

October 26, 2006

You know MM are a lot like job hunters. They can be completely secure and HAPPY in the job that they already have, but still be out there trying to see what else they can find. Think of him in this way.

And stop trying to convince him that he is unhappy, when it seems to me that that shoe could fit just as SNUGLY on YOUR own foot.

October 26, 2006

You say that you hug, touch and talk. I have many friends, men and women, that I hug, touch (in a friendly way), and certainly talk to. This MM has made it very clear to you that he loves his wife and wants to spend the rest of his life with her.

You say he comes when you call, why are you calling him? Maybe you are misunderstanding his care for you as a friend and neighbor for more than it really is. I don't know your whole situation, but from the couple of posts I have read, you are saying it's over when it never really began.

Also, some guys think it's OK to flirt with women, it makes them feel good even if they have no interest in anything more. This MM won't have sex with you and he tells you he loves his wife. What else do you need to know to tell you that "He is just not into you"? You need to stop trying to get a MM to have sex with you and move on with your life. If there are problems in his marriage, it's his and his W problem and has nothing to do with you.

October 26, 2006

i wish u actually put into practice what u preach

i am sorry u see things the way u do but i realized a long time ago that u will always be someone that is so stubborn and that what u see is always the only truth.

i truly loved u with all of my heart but as good of a job as u did winning my heart u were much better at making me fall out of love with u...that only took u less than 8 months...well done...i can honestly tell u as u have told me so many times now...i am not 'in love with u'

i truly hope u find happiness and find a way to battle these fears and learn how to actually do all these great things u list.

please know i am not mad, upset, angry or will cause u any problems as you move forward in your life. rest assured u will not have to wonder or worry about having me in your life in any way other than a possible friend - and that is something u are most welcome to destroy as well

g

A time comes in your life when you finally get it.

When in the midst of all your fears and insanity

you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head

cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.

And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum,

your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice,

you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes

you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize that it's time to stop

hoping and waiting for something to change,

or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping

over the next horizon.

You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming

and you are not Cinderella

and that in the real world

there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter)

and that any guarantee of "happily ever after"

must begin with you,

and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect,

and that not everyone will always love,

appreciate or approve of who or what you are

and its OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.)

And you learn the importance of loving

and championing yourself,

and in the process a sense of newly

found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop ****ing and blaming other people

for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you)

and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that not everyone will always be there for you,

and that it's not always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own

and to take care of yourself and in the process

a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers,<

and you begin to accept people as they are,

and to over look their shortcomings and human frailties

and in the process

a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself,

and the world around you,

is a result of all the messages and opinions

that have been ingrained into your psyche.

And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed

about how you should behave,

how you should look,

how much you shouldn't weigh,

what you should wear,

where you should shop,

what you should drive,

how and where you should live,

what you should do for a living,

who you should sleep with,

who you should marry,

what you should expect of a marriage,

the importance of having and raising children,

or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view.

And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are

and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing,

and you begin to discard the doctrines

and values you've outgrown,

or should never have bought into to begin with,<

and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility,

and the importance of setting boundaries

and learning to say NO.

You learn that the only cross to bear

is the one you choose to carry,

and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love.

Romantic love and familial love.

How to love,

how much to give in love,

when to stop giving, and when to walk away.

You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship.

You learn that you will not be more beautiful,

more intelligent,

more lovable, or important

because of the man or woman on your arm

or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are

and not as you would have them be.

You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes.

You learn that just as people grow and change,

so it is with love, and you learn

that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms.

Just to make you happy. And, you learn that 'alone' does not mean lonely.

And you look in the mirror

and come to terms with the fact that you

will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10

and you stop trying to compete with the image

inside your head and agonizing over

how you "stack up."

You also stop working so hard at putting feelings aside,

smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.

You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK. . .

and that it is your right to want things that you want.

and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love,

kindness, sensitivity, and respect,

and you will not settle for less.

And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you,

to glorify you with his or her touch.

and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple.

You begin eating a balanced diet,

drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise.

You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit

and can create doubt and fear,

so you take more time to rest.

And, just as food fuels the body,

laughter fuels our soul,

so you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part,

in life you get what you believe you deserve.

and that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for,

and that wishing for something to happen

is different from working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success,

you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.

You also learn that no one can do it all alone

and its OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear

is the great robber baron of all time:

FEAR itself.

You learn to step right into and through your fears,

because you know that whatever happens

you can handle it,

and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live

life on your terms.

You learn to fight for your life

and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair,

you don't always get what you think you deserve,

and that sometimes bad things happen

to unsuspecting, good people.

On these occasions you learn not to personalize things.

It's just life happening.

And you learn to deal with evil

in its most primal state - the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as

anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected,

or they will suffocate the life out of you

and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong

and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort

in many of the simple things we take for granted,

things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about

a full refrigerator, clean running water,

a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself

by yourself, and you try to make yourself a promise

to never betray yourself

and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire.

And you hang a wind chime outside your window

so you can listen to the wind.

And you make it a point to keep smiling,

to keep trusting no matter how hard,

and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart

and with hope by your side,

you take a stand,

you take a deep breath,

and you begin to design the life you want

to live as best as you can.

October 26, 2006

Your MM might have problems with his marriage but it's also possible that he has some issues within himself. Sometimes it's the marriage, sometimes it's the person. If he says he loves his wife, you need to accept that and move on.

October 27, 2006

i wish u actually put into practice what u preach

i am sorry u see things the way u do but i realized a long time ago that u will always be someone that is so stubborn and that what u see is always the only truth.

i truly loved u with all of my heart but as good of a job as u did winning my heart u were much better at making me fall out of love with u...that only took u less than 8 months...well done...i can honestly tell u as u have told me so many times now...i am not 'in love with u'

i truly hope u find happiness and find a way to battle these fears and learn how to actually do all these great things u list.

please know i am not mad, upset, angry or will cause u any problems as you move forward in your life. rest assured u will not have to wonder or worry about having me in your life in any way other than a possible friend - and that is something u are most welcome to destroy as well

g

A time comes in your life when you finally get it.
When in the midst of all your fears and insanity
you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head
cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.
And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum,
your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice,
you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes
you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.
You realize that it's time to stop
hoping and waiting for something to change,
or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping
over the next horizon.
You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming
and you are not Cinderella
and that in the real world
there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter)
and that any guarantee of "happily ever after"
must begin with you,
and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect,
and that not everyone will always love,
appreciate or approve of who or what you are
and its OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.)
And you learn the importance of loving
and championing yourself,
and in the process a sense of newly
found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop ****ing and blaming other people
for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you)
and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that not everyone will always be there for you,
and that it's not always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own
and to take care of yourself and in the process
a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers,<
and you begin to accept people as they are,
and to over look their shortcomings and human frailties
and in the process
a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You realize that much of the way you view yourself,
and the world around you,
is a result of all the messages and opinions
that have been ingrained into your psyche.
And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed
about how you should behave,
how you should look,
how much you shouldn't weigh,
what you should wear,
where you should shop,
what you should drive,
how and where you should live,
what you should do for a living,
who you should sleep with,
who you should marry,
what you should expect of a marriage,
the importance of having and raising children,
or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view.
And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are
and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing,
and you begin to discard the doctrines
and values you've outgrown,
or should never have bought into to begin with,<
and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.
You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility,
and the importance of setting boundaries
and learning to say NO.
You learn that the only cross to bear
is the one you choose to carry,
and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love.
Romantic love and familial love.
How to love,
how much to give in love,
when to stop giving, and when to walk away.
You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship.
You learn that you will not be more beautiful,
more intelligent,
more lovable, or important
because of the man or woman on your arm
or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are
and not as you would have them be.
You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes.
You learn that just as people grow and change,
so it is with love, and you learn
that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms.
Just to make you happy. And, you learn that 'alone' does not mean lonely.

And you look in the mirror
and come to terms with the fact that you
will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10
and you stop trying to compete with the image
inside your head and agonizing over
how you "stack up."
You also stop working so hard at putting feelings aside,
smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.

You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK. . .
and that it is your right to want things that you want.
and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love,
kindness, sensitivity, and respect,
and you will not settle for less.
And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you,
to glorify you with his or her touch.
and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple.

You begin eating a balanced diet,
drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise.
You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit
and can create doubt and fear,
so you take more time to rest.
And, just as food fuels the body,
laughter fuels our soul,
so you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part,
in life you get what you believe you deserve.
and that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for,
and that wishing for something to happen
is different from working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success,
you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.

You also learn that no one can do it all alone
and its OK to risk asking for help.
You learn that the only thing you must truly fear
is the great robber baron of all time:
FEAR itself.
You learn to step right into and through your fears,
because you know that whatever happens
you can handle it,
and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live
life on your terms.

You learn to fight for your life
and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn't always fair,
you don't always get what you think you deserve,
and that sometimes bad things happen
to unsuspecting, good people.
On these occasions you learn not to personalize things.
It's just life happening.
And you learn to deal with evil
in its most primal state - the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as
anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected,
or they will suffocate the life out of you
and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong
and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort
in many of the simple things we take for granted,
things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about
a full refrigerator, clean running water,
a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself
by yourself, and you try to make yourself a promise
to never betray yourself
and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire.
And you hang a wind chime outside your window
so you can listen to the wind.
And you make it a point to keep smiling,
to keep trusting no matter how hard,
and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart
and with hope by your side,
you take a stand,
you take a deep breath,
and you begin to design the life you want
to live as best as you can.

Hi guest,

I am sorry that your are hurting but I think you are confusing me with somone else. Have NO idea who crispy is, just wanted to make sure you KNEW that.

AP

October 27, 2006

Your MM might have problems with his marriage but it's also possible that he has some issues within himself. Sometimes it's the marriage, sometimes it's the person. If he says he loves his wife, you need to accept that and move on.

Thanks guest! I am trying to move on. Just looking for an undrstanding to ease the pain. Thanks.

AP

October 27, 2006

You say that you hug, touch and talk. I have many friends, men and women, that I hug, touch (in a friendly way), and certainly talk to. This MM has made it very clear to you that he loves his wife and wants to spend the rest of his life with her.

You say he comes when you call, why are you calling him? Maybe you are misunderstanding his care for you as a friend and neighbor for more than it really is. I don't know your whole situation, but from the couple of posts I have read, you are saying it's over when it never really began.

Also, some guys think it's OK to flirt with women, it makes them feel good even if they have no interest in anything more. This MM won't have sex with you and he tells you he loves his wife. What else do you need to know to tell you that "He is just not into you"? You need to stop trying to get a MM to have sex with you and move on with your life. If there are problems in his marriage, it's his and his W problem and has nothing to do with you.

Hi guest, My first question to you is are you married? Cause I know for sure that hugging, touching and talking about having sex between TWO married people is VERY wrong, and that's what has gone on in the relationship with MM. First of all he has sent many signals to me that have confused me as far as SEX goes. His action's and words NEVER match!

I have accepted the fact that he loves his wife and believe me that is enough for me to NOT waste anymore time with him. YES, I fell in love and I think he did as well. This was an BIG awkeing for me to resolvethe issues within my marriage or move the heck on. Thank you.

AP

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