magichands Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 Oh, I see, it must be because you're super romantic Don't try to tell me that you're not going weak at the knees. Knowing that you have what it takes to unload a man's nutsack is pretty special.
whichwayisup Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 How does a person *nicely* tell another person that they like their alone time and don't wanna be called all the time. I enjoy talking to him and spending time with him, just not ALL my time. Tell him that you enjoy spending time with him, but you need a good balance in your life. That's the nice way of telling him you don't want to see/talk to him daily.
Author luvtoto Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 We need to talk. I'm more into me than I am into you. Don't take it personally. We can get through this. That's sarcastic!! I want a nice answer, please.
magichands Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 Tell him that you enjoy spending time with him, but you need a good balance in your life. Next thing you know, he's bought you a top-of-the-line digital scale. Wrapped up and everything. And he keeps telling you that your bum isn't that big.
magichands Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 That's sarcastic!! I want a nice answer, please. It's true. I don't think it's the least big sarcastic!
Guest Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 when the conversation starts with taking care of kids and turns into a discussion of someone balls! that time to switch threads! h'yooooooooooo please continue to discuss amoussssssssssgats yerseleves!
Kamille Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 It's so hard to resist a guy who has nutsack in his vocabulary. Luvtoto, why not tell him what you told us here? That you don't feel ready to leave your kids overnight. Sounds sincere, honest and not at all selfish to me. You're doing your relationship a favor by establising your boundaries in an honest way. And if I get it right one of your kids is 16? 16 might not be old enough to leave alone over night, but you could ask himor her to babysit while your boyfriend and you go out for dinner one Saturday evening - obviously in your town. As for the calling thing, you may be feeling smothered because you are trying to settle the Saturday pact with him. I'd say, clear that out of the way before going into the "me" time issue.
Author luvtoto Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 I'd say, clear that out of the way before going into the "me" time issue. Yea, I'd better clear that up first. Don't wanna come at him with too many issues. He might start thinking I am not interested...and I am!!
Author luvtoto Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 Tell him that you enjoy spending time with him, but you need a good balance in your life. That's the nice way of telling him you don't want to see/talk to him daily. Hmmm...that sounds easy to convey. Thanks WWII.
juliainoz Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 I would be a bit wary about this. I never had this problem, my boyfriend will take whatever time he can get with me, even if it is with my son, and if it is with my son, he will spend time with him and play with him. My boyfriend has only had 3 alone nights with me so far in the 6 weeks or so that we have been dating (and yes it is exclusive by agreement). I found by introducing my son early in the relationship (as he was younger) i was able to tell if someone was kid friendly or not - and my experiement has worked. all i can say is that if he pressures u spend time without the kids, u will start to feel guilty and regret it - that has happened to me in the time - and ive missed out on time with my son - now i have someone who understands.
alphamale Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 My boyfriend has only had 3 alone nights with me so far in the 6 weeks or so that we have been dating (and yes it is exclusive by agreement). your b/f must be quite desperate if he's willing to become exclusive after 6 weeks. I usually wait 4 to 6 months before i agree to that.
Author luvtoto Posted October 27, 2006 Author Posted October 27, 2006 your b/f must be quite desperate if he's willing to become exclusive after 6 weeks. I usually wait 4 to 6 months before i agree to that. Alpha, who are you kidding?? You are the not the exclusive type.
johan Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 I'm curious how old the guy is and if he has kids of his own. I think you're right to not neglect your kids for him. I'm curious how old they are, too. And if you do make it so he can't get the time he wants with you because of them, he could end up resenting them. I would be interested to see whether he can handle them regardless. It's not easy to get involved with someone who has kids. I think this will be tough, but I also think it's really important that you do the best for the kids. If he's really a good guy, he'll handle this well. Actually, even if he is a good guy, it will probably be hard for him. FYI, my mom was single with me and my sister growing up. She never left us alone to go be with a guy. Looking back, I'm proud of that. And she also found good guys who were good with us, and she married one of them and has been married to him for almost 20 years.
Author luvtoto Posted October 27, 2006 Author Posted October 27, 2006 I'm curious how old the guy is and if he has kids of his own. I think you're right to not neglect your kids for him. I'm curious how old they are, too. And if you do make it so he can't get the time he wants with you because of them, he could end up resenting them. I would be interested to see whether he can handle them regardless. It's not easy to get involved with someone who has kids. I think this will be tough, but I also think it's really important that you do the best for the kids. If he's really a good guy, he'll handle this well. Actually, even if he is a good guy, it will probably be hard for him. FYI, my mom was single with me and my sister growing up. She never left us alone to go be with a guy. Looking back, I'm proud of that. And she also found good guys who were good with us, and she married one of them and has been married to him for almost 20 years. He's 34 and has lived on his own for years. He just moved back from Colorado to his home town a few months back. He has two degrees in graphic design. My kids are 14 & 11. I want my kids to be proud of me, too. They are watching me and learning from my example. I emailed my SO today telling him I'm gonna take a break from the phone tonight. Told him I was feeling a bit neglectful of my kids lately by being on the phone so much with him in the evenings. I am not much of a phone person anyways. He replied stating that he understood and he wouldn't want to do anything to get in the middle of me and my kids.
alphamale Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 Alpha, who are you kidding?? You are the not the exclusive type. yea...i guess you're right
norajane Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 What experiences have you all had? Is it wrong for him to want to spend alone time with me and exlude my kids? Is this unacceptable or a normal request?? Well, my parents both had to work, so they did the swing shift thing, so someone could generally be home. But there would be times when both were at work and I was alone, like for a couple hours after school, or even for a full afternoon/evening. That was before I started high school, although I don't remember exactly how old I was. We had neighbors I could go to if I needed anything, but I don't recall ever doing so. My sister was born when I was 14. From then until I graduated high school, I took care of her by myself for a few hours after school some weeks, or for a whole afternoon/evening (from 2:30 to 11pm) some weeks, depending on what shifts they had to work. I'm sure they must have totally stressed out and worried, but their options were limited and we needed the money from both jobs just to make it. I'm not advocating this, but it worked fine for us. I don't know - I was a straight A student and very responsible, so maybe you can't trust your 14 year old to watch your son for a night, or don't feel comfortable giving her that responsibility. I don't see why you think it's wrong or unnatural for him to want to spend alone time with you. How is he supposed to get to know you as a woman if you're always with your kids? You know how it is when you're with kids - your attention is mostly on them, not him. He only sees you as a "mother"...and you're more than that, aren't you? He can't really get to know you as a complete person, and whether you are compatible as adults and sexual partners if you never spend any time alone with him. Don't you have any desire to be alone with him? Don't you want to get to know him when HE isn't around your kids? Get to know him as a man, not a potential daddy? Don't you want time alone with him to be yourself and be the sexy, flirtatious person you really can't be when your kids are there? Don't you want adult conversation that's not interespersed with, "No, stop yelling at your brother!" or "You've been in the bathroom for an hour and your sister needs to get in there!" or whatever. If you don't have a desire to spend time alone with him, shouldn't that tell you that you aren't really that into him?
Author luvtoto Posted October 27, 2006 Author Posted October 27, 2006 Shouldn't that tell you that you aren't really that into him? Oh no, I am into him, and yes I do want to spend alone time with him. Of course. There are soooo many things about him that I really like!! He's funny as hell, successful in life, creative and very smart, good to his parents and family, too. Just a typical family guy. He has commented before about wanting to be a teammate's mentor at the local highschool. He seems to enjoy being friends with my kids, too. He's also mentioned maybe adopting a son/daughter some day. There is not much about him that I don't like. AND coming from my picky little arse...that is saying alot. I even respect him and where he is in his life. I am probably just reading too much into things, but it doesn't hurt to have some boundaries in the beginning.
juliainoz Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 Honestly Alphamale - not every male has ur hard standards - why stuff around dating other people when u know u want to see if u can make it work with just one - most of the australian men i know do just that - and i see nothing wrong with that! Actually I prefer a man who prefers to date only one person at one time - and im not ashamed to admit it.....i dont care what the hell u think about me or my boyfriend to tell u the truth - as u have issues - big commitment issues
Bacon Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 Well if he really loves you, then tell him stragiht out. If he cares about your feeling, I don't see reasons why he still insists you to leave your child home. Maybe it's time to rethink he's right for you.
insomnie Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 I may be totally off here, but here goes: At 14 and 11, I wouldn't worry about their safety as much as I'd worry about the message they could potentially get if you were to leave them to sleep over at your boyfriends. That being: mom left us here all alone to go screw a guy she's known for two weeks. You are not a bad mother, and you are not abandoning them, and it's all very natural to want to spend time alone with your boyfriend....but I think kids at that age are very sensitive and capable of stretching perceived grievances completely out of proportion. I know when I was a tween I loved hating my wonderful parents, and any reason they gave me was one I clung to. You don't want them to dwell on this, or resent you. You also don't want to unintentionally send out the wrong messages about sex (for example, to your daughter about how it is ok to have sex with men she's known two weeks.) I'm not saying anything you are doing is wrong...just that with kids that age you have to be careful about how they can interpret it. And they interpret everything =).
alphamale Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 .....i dont care what the hell u think about me or my boyfriend to tell u the truth - as u have issues - big commitment issues I think of it less as a commitment issue and more that I really can't see myself staying with one woman for a long time. Its just not me. My nature is to spread myself around and as long as I don't make promises to women I can't keep then I'm OK.
Author luvtoto Posted October 27, 2006 Author Posted October 27, 2006 I may be totally off here, but here goes: At 14 and 11, I wouldn't worry about their safety as much as I'd worry about the message they could potentially get if you were to leave them to sleep over at your boyfriends. That being: mom left us here all alone to go screw a guy she's known for two weeks. You are not a bad mother, and you are not abandoning them, and it's all very natural to want to spend time alone with your boyfriend....but I think kids at that age are very sensitive and capable of stretching perceived grievances completely out of proportion. I know when I was a tween I loved hating my wonderful parents, and any reason they gave me was one I clung to. You don't want them to dwell on this, or resent you. You also don't want to unintentionally send out the wrong messages about sex (for example, to your daughter about how it is ok to have sex with men she's known two weeks.) I'm not saying anything you are doing is wrong...just that with kids that age you have to be careful about how they can interpret it. And they interpret everything =). Wonderful post, insomnie. I am a firm believer that children learn what they see. You can nag at a child till the cows come home, but if you as a parent are not setting the bar, it's all in vain.
Author luvtoto Posted October 28, 2006 Author Posted October 28, 2006 I called him tonight around 8:00 tonight. He was too busy to talk cause he was putting shocks on his car with his dad. He said he'll call later. I gotta respect a busy guy!! Now, I am waiting by the phone for his call....and I love that.
Recommended Posts