luvtoto Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 This is a continuation from my previous thread "happy medium".. My question is this. My BF wants to make a pact with me. During the days on the weekend, he wants to spend it with my kids and myself. Cool. He's into the 'quality time'. But, in the evenings, he wants me to drive an hour away to spend time *alone* with him at his house. Sounds cozy, yes...but I honestly, I worry about my kids being home alone while I am so far away. I've only done this once so far, and spent most of the night worrying about them, and feeling like I abandoned them for the evening. Last night, he mentioned the subject of me sleeping over and leaving my kids home. He said when he was my kid's age, he practically raised himself. His parents were gone alot. So his advice seems normal. How do I tell my new BF that I *like* having my kids around *all the time* without making a huge deal out of it? What experiences have you all had? Is it wrong for him to want to spend alone time with me and exlude my kids? Is this unacceptable or a normal request?? I don't know why I am so confused by this. I feel torn between two needs. The need to want to have a life...and the need to be a FT mother.
magichands Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 My question is this. My BF wants to make a pact with me. That's disgusting. This whole fetish moment is getting out of control. But, in the evenings, he wants me to drive an hour away to spend time *alone* with him at his house. What's wrong with him driving to see you? You have responsibilities. Or take the kids with you. Or find a babysitter for the times you stay over. It smells more than a bit selfish.
Guest Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 kids rawk man! that is until they get old enuff to ask for the car keys, crash the car, disappear and end up talking with u for months on end thru some net site called 'not in love' shack LOL hugs
Author luvtoto Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 That's disgusting. This whole fetish moment is getting out of control. What's wrong with him driving to see you? You have responsibilities. Or take the kids with you. Or find a babysitter for the times you stay over. It smells more than a bit selfish. He is driving to my house on Saturday, and spending the day with my kids and me clothes shopping all day. Then, after we stop and get groceries, and then get the kids settled in at my house, he wants me to drive to his house to spend the night with him. I have been doing some serious thinking, and have decided that it is too early on for him to enjoy too much alone time with me. Maybe after he gets to know my kids a bit, actually, a lot more, we can talk more about it later on. I mean, I am not married to the guy. I don't owe him any alone time away from my kids yet.
magichands Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 I have been doing some serious thinking, That's what you think. But I'm glad it helped. Sounds like you're striking a balance.
Guest Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 besides....it would be better if everyone made supper together and enjoyed a movie...what's with this ALONE TIME always...reconnect with the whole package not just part!
allina Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 You are a mother first, this needs to come before this guy who you just met. As eager as he seems to play house and family with you right away, you have to remember that you already have your own that you need to focuse on first. Something about his seems really weird.
Guest Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 that pix u used alli puts on running shoes and heads for the hills screaming.... ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Art_Critic Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 Last night, he mentioned the subject of me sleeping over and leaving my kids home. He said when he was my kid's age, he practically raised himself. His parents were gone alot. So his advice seems normal. Luvtoto.. I'm going to post the same thing as I pm'd you.. I was a step dad for 5 years and as I was dating her mom I understood that she was a package deal.. I never once ever tried to separate the 3 of us.. that would've spelled disaster and been disrespectful to her.. We learned how to come up with me time and when we got married then the me time was more abundant.. This guy is trying to split you and your kids after only knowing you for a few weeks.. You have to think of him as your kids possible future step father and he is exhibiting unfatherly characteristics.. at least that is my feeling on it.. I think he needs to spend time with you guys as a unit since that is what the future would be for you guys if it went that far.. and later on after you have built a relationship then you both can decide on those things.
Author luvtoto Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 I have established that I am gonna put my kids first. I just started dating and he's not gonna get alone time with me. Unless if it's when my kids are sleeping in the next room at his house or mine. How do I tell him that my kids feelings come first with me, without sounding selfish myself?? I've had guys tell me in the past, that their kids come first...it kinda hurt.
Art_Critic Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 I have established that I am gonna put my kids first. I just started dating and he's not gonna get alone time with me. Unless if it's when my kids are sleeping in the next room at his house or mine. sounds like a plan.... Do you have your kids all week 24/7 ? or do they go to their dads at times ? you also could get a good babysitter for dinner and movies out.. I would be happy as a guy to pay for a woman's babysitter..
Author luvtoto Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 sounds like a plan.... Do you have your kids all week 24/7 ? or do they go to their dads at times ? you also could get a good babysitter for dinner and movies out.. I would be happy as a guy to pay for a woman's babysitter.. No, I have no family and the kid's dad is in prison for a 10 year stretch. The only friend I have are coworkers and wouldn't feel right about asking them. I can leave them home alone to go to a movie...but, he keeps talking about getting me alone to have sex.
melodymatters Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 Luvto, I agree with your feelings. Even ( especially ?) 16yr olds can get into stupid trouble if they know there is NO parental supervision. I would invite him to spend the night at my house and let the kids know we needed some private grown up time after 8 or whatever, or bring them to his house with the same deal. You would never forgive yourself if something crazy happened to your kids because you gave into your boyfriends wishes. Good luck, God Bless
Author luvtoto Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 You would never forgive yourself if something crazy happened to your kids because you gave into your boyfriends wishes. Good luck, God Bless Usually when I ignore my better judgement, I get burned. So, nope. Ain't gonna do it. This would be a good boundary to have, I think. Thanks Melody.
alphamale Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 why to couple have this pressing need to be together all the damn time? why not just see each other on the weekends. jeez man. I get so sick of women who want to see me 5 or 6 times per week. that's rediculous, I want my free time. Just see him on the weekend.
magichands Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 I get so sick of women who want to see me 5 or 6 times per week. I can't being to imagine what that's like, but it sounds like a living hell.
alphamale Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 I can't being to imagine what that's like, but it sounds like a living hell. its a nightmare, believe you me
allina Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 I get so sick of women who want to see me 5 or 6 times per week. that's rediculous, I want my free time. Just see him on the weekend. I still wanna know what what Alpha's got that all the ladies want
whichwayisup Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 Apparently he's pretty good at oral sex...
Author luvtoto Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 why to couple have this pressing need to be together all the damn time? why not just see each other on the weekends. jeez man. I get so sick of women who want to see me 5 or 6 times per week. that's rediculous, I want my free time. Just see him on the weekend. Alpha, we do just see each other on the weekends. Saturday is our day. We thought saturday during the day would be 'kid time' and saturday evening would be 'us' time. He has been calling me every single night. It's starting to bother me a bit. I LoVVVVVVVVVVVe my ME TIME!!!! After I get this new boundary established with him about my kids, I am gonna have to start working on all the time he wants with me...phone time included.
alphamale Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 I still wanna know what what Alpha's got that all the ladies want they just get too clingy and sheeyot. I don't know what it is. Its like leave me alone woman! I'll just come over when I want to unload my nutsack
magichands Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 I still wanna know what what Alpha's got that all the ladies want Someone to challenge their huge egos.
Author luvtoto Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 they just get too clingy and sheeyot. I don't know what it is. Its like leave me alone woman! I'll just come over when I want to unload my nutsack How does a person *nicely* tell another person that they like their alone time and don't wanna be called all the time. I enjoy talking to him and spending time with him, just not ALL my time.
allina Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 Its like leave me alone woman! I'll just come over when I want to unload my nutsack Oh, I see, it must be because you're super romantic
magichands Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 How does a person *nicely* tell another person that they like their alone time and don't wanna be called all the time. We need to talk. I'm more into me than I am into you. Don't take it personally. We can get through this.
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