Guest Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 Well...we've been in a committed relationship coming close to 2 years.. I love my partner dearly and want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life...anyways....lately our sex life has been....bad. And by bad I mean non-existent....we're both working a lot and being in our 20's it's down to once or twice ... every 3 months? Which I know isn't good but it's not my question.. I met some random person recently whom I dont' know and will never see again..and we fooled around a little bit...nothing that could in anyway be considered umm...intercourse? but...things were touched and...but still...I'm feeling like **** (as I should) I have absolutely no feelings for person X no possibility of seeing them again or doing this again...to make me feel this way again...I just really felt the need to be...touched...intimately? If that makes any sense... Anyways my question is should I tell? Reading other posts it seems most people think the reason to tell is to hurt partner or just selfishness to make yourself feel better...I guess the latter might be true...but I'm also worried about not being truthful...it seems there will be a black cloud over us for the rest of our lives if I try to hide this...I really don't want to hurt him...maybe subconsciously I want him to know I need the physical aspect of our relationship back.. sorry for the rambly...i'm kind of lost in thought....any advice would be loved.
Adora Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 I would definitely tell. Firstly, when you do mention this to him do not blame your wanting to be touched on him - it happens too often when the cheater blames their SO into thinking it was all their fault. Fact is, you made the decision, your SO was nowhere close to the situation to have even had a chance to stop what you had started. Also remember, as you said, that you BOTH have been extremely busy, so please think about his needs as well. I am sure that you weren't the only one who was missing out on intimacy. I am sure he wanted to be 'touched' as well. You need to be stronger and not follow your sexual desires, follow your heart - which you have given to your SO, not some random guy who knows how to please others. Don't forget that your SO also knows how to please you, it's just you both have conflicting situations right now - don't write him off completely because you got horny. So - sit him down, tell him, and don't lie about anything or sugarcoat the situation. That will only make things worse. If he asks, you answer. Simple as that. G'luck to you.
Bryanp Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 If the roles were reversed wouldn't you expect him to be honest with you? Otherwise you are still disrespecting him and your marriage. Look you cheated on him. At the very least you need to be honest or otherwise you are just another deceitful person in a marriage.
umbo Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 ...things were touched and...but still...I'm feeling like **** (as I should) You had sex with this mystery guy and it is called outercourse sex. So you cheated on your boyfriend because you needed to be touched. Maybe you should tell your commited friend of 2 years that you need to be married but it seems that if something is not right in your commitment you will look outside your commitment for the answer. So it will be interesting to see if you have enough courage to tell your boyfriend the brutal truth. Hey good luck and your mother wants you married.
whichwayisup Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 Wouldn't it be easier to talk to your partner and let him know that you are unhappy and feeling neglected? Instead of seeking intimacy with some other guy for fun? That is so meaningless! It's that love and affection, that intimacy you're missing, not just sex and fun. I don't know whether or not you should tell, that is your choice. BUT, if you feel that you're going to cheat again, then maybe it IS time to think about if the person you're with makes you happy and is fulfilling all your needs. You can't just go "be" with someone else because your sex life at home sucks. TALK to your partner and listen to him as well. Maybe you're both unhappy and he has needs that aren't being met as well.
magichands Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 Instead of seeking intimacy with some other guy for fun? Maybe the sole purpose of life is to have fun. As much as you can get away with.
Flyin in Clouds Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 How would you want to be treated if he "slipped up"? And can you really build a long term relationship based on keeping secrets about your most intimate selves from each other? Your desires, hopes, dreams, fantasies - all that is you? There are corners that you can rope off and say to him, you don't get to go there? Tell or not tell either way your relationship might end because of this. but I'm also worried about not being truthful...it seems there will be a black cloud over us for the rest of our lives if I try to hide this...I really don't want to hurt him...A dilemma huh... but I think you know the answer. Unless you can live under that black cloud.
Recommended Posts