Guest Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 Hi guys, thanks in advance for reading this as it is a bit long. My girlfriend and I live together and are due to get married in six months time. My GF goes out for drinks with her friends every now and then, I trust her, sometimes I will also go out with my friends, but more often than not I will stay at home as most of my friends have young families now. One evening last week I overheard fragments of a telephone conversation (I wasnt snooping, I was watching the tv in another room) between my GF and her friend about a guy she had met the previous week when they had gone to a bar. I heard her talking about this guy who called her on her mobile at work and asked her out 'to have a laugh' I also heard her say ' I do get myself into trouble' to her friend. When I confronted my GF about this, she said that her friends had been harmlessly talking to some guys, firstly telling me it was someone she has known for years then saying it was someone she met that night. She said that the guy gave his number to one of my GF's friends, but my GF later got this number (I dont know whether to believe that she did not just take his number to begin with) and sent him 'harmless' texts such as asking if the club they had moved on to was any good. He then used this number to later ask her out. She said she hadnt done anything wrong as nothing happened but then she later went on to say that she didnt see anything wrong with possibly arranging for them all to meet up as a group at some point in the future. I made it clear that I would not be happy with this, this is different from having existing male friends going into a relationship or having male friends through work. You dont make good opposite sex friends by meeting them in bars while you are in a relationship. I realise that when my GF goes out with her friends that she will probably talk to other guys but I think she crossed the line when she effectively gave her number to a guy and then did not tell me what had happened. I would like to think that nothing physical happened, but I am concerned about her dishonesty and feel that I am not getting the whole story. I am angry that some slimeball is hitting on my fiancee, saying that 'he gets what he wants'. It has made me suspicious of things I never even considered-she got an additional mobile phone earlier in the year and her phone is always on silent in her handbag, never left on the table etc; her e-mail is no longer on auto login on our pc etc. I have never looked at her mobile in the 5+ years we have been together, but I have now. All the text and call histories had been deleted. My GF is due to go out with friends tomorrow night, only two weeks after the 'incident', is this insensitive on her part or should I just get over it? I dont really know how seriously to take this, I guess every relationship has its boundaries and hopefully both parties are aware of where they are. I am not sure that we see eye to eye on this, or is she hiding the truth?
orangele Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 I had a very similar situation with a live-in GF who would go out with friends for drinks. I knew that guys would hit on her and her friends, but I felt secure that my GF would make it very clear to guys that she had no interest. She would often tell me about all the guys that would hit on her and her GFs. I think it very understandable that you would be upset and suspicious now. I agree that arranging to meet new guys (even as a group) would be over the line for me as well. I think that unfortunately, this issue will need to be dealt with, and this being the case, the sooner the better. If she has nothing to hide, then the fact that this event bothers you should be seen as evidence that you care for her. I would also think that if you were to express that her meeting new guys even as a group was upsetting to you, should be enough for her to refrain from this if she cared for you. Good luck
typical Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 Ohhhh guest....Guest Guest Guest..... Your gal is definately treading on thin ice here, and you would be a fool to overlook it...There is trust, but then how far are you willing to go with your trust? I think this: this is different from having existing male friends going into a relationship or having male friends through work. You dont make good opposite sex friends by meeting them in bars while you are in a relationship. Is quite right, unless the both of you met him/her/them/whoever together. Assuage your fears and show up "unexpectedly" (preferably after she is already drunk) to the bar. Watch her for a moment or two. If she accuses you of being jealous or irrational, or spying on her, then so what. A little jealousy from time to time in a relationship is actually healthy...and it sounds as if you both might need a boost...5 years and all.
Buttaflyy Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 Why don't you join them the next time she goes out. See what she thinks about the idea. Whatever you do.... Don't marry this chick.
tanbark813 Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 There are two red flags: 1. She changed her story about how long she's known the guy when you confronted her. That implies that she knows she did something wrong. 2. She doesn't invite you out with her friends. Why not? If she doesn't invite you out with her friends the next time she goes, you should invite yourself along and see her reaction. Not like, "I don't trust you, so I'm coming along :mad:" but more like, "Woooo! Sounds like fun! Let's go! :D" Or, even better, if you know where her friends are going, you should show up with some of your friends after they've been there a while and "surprise" her.
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