sotrapped Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 I think I have fallen out of love with my husband. We have only been married 2 and a half years and we have two little babies (twins) and he is a kind, loving, gentle and generous man who I just can't feel romantic about. I am love him like a best friend and would HATE to see him hurt but every day is an act. I force myself to have sex with him (admitedly not as much since my babies were born) to make him feel wanted. I am constantly feeling guilty for not loving him the way he loves me and so I pretend that I do. Meantime I dream constantly about running away, being with someone who I feel real passion for. I see an aeroplane and I wish I was on it; I envy my single friends while they envy me. My imagination runs wild all of the time - I dream of taking my babies far far away, of buying a new identity, of faking my own death, of disappearing without a trace. More realistically I wonder how it would be if I left him and it feels just too awful. I hate the thought of hurting him and worry that he might take my babies away. Every day I feel more distant from him and every day he irritates me a little more. As a result I am increasingly moody and cold and he doesn't know why and I feel like a terrible person, hate myself. I don't feel that anyone can offer me any solution but I just want to know whether this might have happened to someone else. More than anything I want to be free.
littlekitty Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 Can you pinpoint why you fell out of love with him? Can you remember why you fell in love with him? I think perhaps some independant and marriage counselling would no doubt help you both, if you want to save your marriage. If you really don't believe there is anything there to be saved, then it seems only fair to let your husband know how you feel and move on. Do you wish you were still in love with him?
LakesideDream Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 You didn't mention your age.. is it possible you are suffering from Post partim depression? You say that your husband is gentle, loving, kind and generous, yet you constantly dream about "getting away" from him permanantly. Does this sound rational to you? I respectfully suggest that you visit your doctor, get a referral if necessary and rule out a physical problem before proceeding.
Author sotrapped Posted October 27, 2006 Author Posted October 27, 2006 I am 31, he is 40. I have thought about couselling but have no time at the moment with my twins. In a few months they will be weaned and I'll have more time to think honestly about what to do. I have considered the possibility of post natal depression but these feelings began before I gave birth, and I have no negative feelings toward my babies whatsoever. I took the post natal depression test too and it seemed to be fine although I said I often feel miserable but never cold toward my babies. At times I think I am being irrational and it is true that my husband is a kind loving man but so are a lot of men and I'm not in love with them either. Thanks for the replies. It just feels good to finally get some of this off my chest. I have told no one.
Guest Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 I feel the same way as you. I have been trying to sort things out for a couple years. We went to counseling for about 9 months weekly. YET I feel pretty much the same as I did b4. I feel the same exact way you do as describedin your post. I also have 2 children. My h is very caring too. BUT he smothers me to thepoint I can't stand it. He acts like nothing is wrong.In his mind he hasn't faced the fact that we have MAJOR problems. I pretty much told him we were not going to try anymore to have sex. It was too painful to try andmake that connection when it wasn't there. NOTHING was working out. I have no idea what I am going to do. I am coming up on my 10th year being married, and I can not see us having anything in commen or having any fun together. My children are starting to ask why we fight so much. We never used to fight a lot even though we had problems, now we fight all the time. It just seems to be getting worse. I think that I have finally withdrawn emotionally from him and I can not even stand when he kisses me. I know how terrible that sounds, I do. BUT I can't help the way I feel!
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