sogutted Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 I met a guy of the net 2 months ago, on a marraige site. We met up and got along well. I have been seeing him for 2 months. We speak on the phone 7/8 times a day and met regularly. He is 30 yrs old ( im 31) and divorced about 1 year ago. since the beginning of the relationship he has always talked about marriage. he was a gentlemen and didn't push for physical intimacy at all.we discussed finances, mortgages, where we would live, my journey to work from his place, kids, families all the time. He always complimented me and i felt really safe with him. 2 weeks ago, one day after we had met up, he started talking about doubts, if either of us have doubts we should voice them. He kept going on about this so I asked him why he was talking off doubts, one day after meeting me and talking about the wedding ( in December). He then went into "volatile" mode...so i said speak to me when your calm....he said ok and hung up. 2 days later i emailed him at work and said would you like to talk. he said very rudely in capitals NO - I AM REALLY P*SSED OFF WITH YOU, I JUST CAME OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP WHERE I WAS ALWAYS P*SSED OFF AND STRESSED AND I DON'T WANT ANOTHER SH*T ONE. The email argument continues. I asked why i p*ssed him off. he said i made him feel uncomfortable and he couldn't be with someone like that. i asked him why he talked about marriage so much if this was the case.... a few days later he texted me to ask if i could give him a few days to see where this was heading. I said ok ( mug - i know). Nothing since. I just want to know, why did he send the above text. is he really thinking about it? why am i left waiting.ITS REALLY CRUEL I have waited a week since that last text. I keep watching the phone. I am so hurt and I really feel the loss. When i was with him, i had no complaints. he was a very good person. i really fell for him. I really thought he meant all this. I am so confused, why would he go on and on about marriage and all the minute deatils, to walk away over a small argument. why didn't i see this coming? I have racked my brains - i think he may be feeling insecure after his wife had an affair. I really feel the loss, yet im still waiting fro him to text me at least. He has hurt me so much. He knew how much i hurt over the last guy i went out with who stopped talking to me and gave me no explanation. one day he just stopped ....he knew this and had even asked how this had made me feel at the time. I cannot function, i didn't go to work for a week. I don't know what to do. i really want him back - but i want him to come back. What made him change so drastically. why was he still talking marraige one day before saying i made him feel uncomfortable.Any advice would be welcomed. I really thought i was tougher then this.
jerbear Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 The short and skinny answer: yes you have been dumped and need to move on. Don't worry or pursue a reason. If he wanted to leave and gave that message, he made his decision. I have done what he did and left similar messages or did not return messages. It was my way of saying in a good non-confrontational way of saying leave me alone. It is also passive agressive of him and the divorce repercussions just caught up with him. Just let him come to you but don't count on it.
so gutted Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 thanks - its very hard to move on, as im still waiting for a text/answer from him. What about all the promises he made? was that all talk, or did he actually mean them at the time? ( this happend before last year - the guy fled, in that case I wasnt as bothered because i felt the guy was no good anyway - in this case i feel i have lost a good person). is there anything i can say, in a text?
Guest Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 thanks - its very hard to move on, as im still waiting for a text/answer from him. What about all the promises he made? was that all talk, or did he actually mean them at the time? ( this happend before last year - the guy fled, in that case I wasnt as bothered because i felt the guy was no good anyway - in this case i feel i have lost a good person). is there anything i can say, in a text? OMG! I AM GOING TO PEEEEEEEE MY PANTS! IF I WAS DOING THIS WITH ANYONE ELSE I WOULD COMMIT MYSELF TO THE ROYAL OTTAWA...GAWD, IS ANYONE WATCHING THIS....DON'T TELL LAURA OK? LOL SHE ALREADY TOLD ME THAT U BELIEVE I AM A JUNKIE, STALING, ABUSER WITH A LIMP AND A BAD LEFT EYE FROM WHEN U POKED AND YELLED "I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" COULD U IMAGINE HAVING A FRIENDSHIP WHERTE THIS WAS HOW COMMUNICATION WAS DONE? GAWD. MAN!
so gutted Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 i have only mentioned the dumping part - apart from this he was very very good to me. i just want some form of communication from him....looks like he isnt gonna call. so i need to.....just give some tiops please. im hurting so much.
MadDog Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 He has major baggage (emotional issues) from his previous relationship. Move on. MD
Walk Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 I absolutely HATE being in that "limbo" zone. Not knowing what the heck happened, what the actually status of the relationship is... etc. Hate it!! I've developed a very sure fire plan to couteract it. The second I realize he's pulling the old duck and run, I call him up and tell him we're done, have a nice life. A.) It allows me to know exactly what the status of the relationship is so I'm not left in a pit of confusion and misplaced loyalties. B.) I feel it's really what he wanted in the first place, to end the relationship, but he was either a spinless wimp, or doesn't want to deal with the stigma of dumping the woman he just promised the stars to. Anyway... I don't trust anyone who is planning a future with me decades from now without even knowing the basics about me. 2 months isn't even enough time to know that I only like cheese on hamburgers, but not hotdogs. I think you two skipped a bunch of steps in the "getting to know you" process, and went directly to "ball and chain" mentality. Only thing I can say is try to slow down in the next relationship. Take a breath. Enjoy the moment and explore the past first.. then look to the future. Talking hypothetically about marriage views and beliefs is fine.. Indepth details as to your shared future... scary. He's just as much to blame. So don't feel that I'm saying this is your fault. Guy should have had the cajones to slow things back down when they started getting too far ahead of his comfort level. Instead he let it build to far, then freaked and ran.
so gutted Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 i had a terrible night. i nearly called him. im glad i didnt. i guess i was scared of the answer.he wont communicate.before the email exchange i called him - he hung up. how can you go from marraige to hate. i feel the same as i did 2 weeks ago. he hasnt called - im still waiting around. what can i say if i do call. he was so rude.he is asian - it may be family pressure. it may be many things. i just dont know.
jerbear Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 Hang in there. Unfortunately it is "easy" for some to just go from marriage to hate. I'm one of them guys that are able to do it. Once the decision is done, execute the decision, don't be wishy washy.
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