is closure too much to ask?

[D-Lish]

Well, T-dot's where it's at!

 

Feeling better about getting your closure?

I have heard nothing since my e-mail... Now I'm all worked up again!

 

Stupid games...

 

Truth is, it would have been crappy of me to cancel out on my date just because the x showed up at his own convenience according to his own timeline asking for a talk.

 

I wouldn't change how I handled things.

Hope you're feeling good about things from your end.

D

[Kamille]

Thanks D. Yes I am feeling better. And feeling very happy that I am feeling better. My friends were worried that I was only using this closure thing to continue having contact with him, and, I admit that I wondered if that was what it was about too.

 

But no. It wasn't. I stopped getting that tortured feeling when I think about him. I feel relieved, I'm letting go, I'm getting perspective on the situation and I accept that things didn't work out because they couldn't work out.

 

And I'm glad that he is man enough to have helped me through it. That he kind of took responsibility for putting me in that situation in the first place. And that he did it in a very honest respectful way.

 

So that's for me. I have yet to go check your thread, but I'm a bit suprised he hasn't answered yet. It doesn't make sense. I'm starting to think he's like my ex-boyfriend who was very stubborn and very proud. So proud that his reaction to something like what happened between you two would be to work himself up into believing that obviously he had completely misjudged the situation... Because he could not stand making himself vulnerable. Then in situation like that, my ex would brood, hang on to his interpretation of events, and would only start to see things in a different light (only begin to see my side of things) if I left him alone to do his brooding.

 

But then it only means that your guy needs sometimes to let his feelings and emotions settle so that he regains perspective on the situation and accepts that he couldn't expect you to be available to talk the minute he decides to show back up into your life.

 

Hmmm. I still think you should wait for him to get back to you, but if it's eating at you, for your own sake, yes, you might want to call him.

[thatsme123]

In my experience, I have found that men just aren't great communicators... and it gets worse during a break up.

I think my ex actually mumbled something along the lines of "maybe I wasn't always the best boyfriend"... but I'm not sure, becuase he was barely audible!

 

They don't like confrontation. But, I think they do initially justify things in their own minds, then push the pain away... but the pain always finds them again and they are forced to deal with it. That is probably why we get apologies months and years later. Or even a post break up stalking 2 years after the fact (I had that happen).

 

It's like one day they wake up and the emotions they locked away suddenly become free and "boom"~ Realization.

 

As I told you before I think ~ my ex was still in love with his GF from 6 bloody years ago. And I expect, that in the next year he'll seek me out again. But you know what? I won't be here, and chances are that you will have moved on by the time this guy wants to make contact with you again.

 

Believe me~ he won't forget. But he probably isn't ready to face anything too real right now.

 

Dee,

 

Your words are right on about guys...and reading this has really helped me put my own situation into perspective! Thank you!

[Kamille]

After receiving an answer from him, I felt so great about finally getting the closure I needed to move on and was so content about getting a clear idea of what is going on in his life (he and ex are still trying to figure it all out, but neither of them think it will work out) that, even though I meant to eventually answer the e-mail - not to mention send him stuff he forgot at my house, I was just so happy I finally had my brain back that I focused on catching up at work...

 

So guess what shows up in my inbox today: an e-mail from him saying he is worried because I haven't answered back.

 

What?

[Art_Critic]

What?

 

block and double delete

[D-Lish]

WTF?

 

Some people just can't get their heads on straight!

Will you answer the e-mail K?

 

I was reading your response about proud/stubborn guys. It's so true- it's all about their ego.

 

I think my ex convinced himself he hated me initially, just to get over the pain. Then I feel he re thought it, and decided to contact me...then I wasn't available to him, so he has gone back into hiding mode.

 

It's frustrating, but I've met someone I might consider dating...

so that's good news.

 

I need the distraction!

:-)

 

SO, you going to respond to your ex?

D

[Kamille]

I think I will answer him back I just really don't know what to say. Not to mention that he took way longer then 4 days to answer any e-mail I sent him.

 

I just don't understand what he is worried about. But I guess this falls in the category of we're not in his brain, so not one of us can tell.

 

His answer was honest and sincere so I will try to answer honestly. Except I don't know what I could possibly say...

[taylor]

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up 5 months ago with little explanation except "I don't have time to be the boyfriend you deserve" and "I don't want to string you along." This came on the heels of him talking about the possibility of us getting engaged.

I contacted him three times within the month after we broke up to get some kind of closure, but only got more confusion and frustration. I decided to go NC.

It took me 2 months to figure out on my own that he wasn't over his ex-girlfriend who just happened to come back into town a week before we broke up. I realized he dumped me to see if he had another chance with her, although he would never admit this to me. It didn't work between them. She left town 2 months ago with her current boyfriend.

Now my ex-boyfriend e-mailed me last weekend, after 3 months of NC, and told me HE needs closure and wants to talk.

Do you think a dumper ever really needs closure? Or is he just lonely? Taylor

[Kamille]

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up 5 months ago with little explanation except "I don't have time to be the boyfriend you deserve" and "I don't want to string you along." This came on the heels of him talking about the possibility of us getting engaged.

I contacted him three times within the month after we broke up to get some kind of closure, but only got more confusion and frustration. I decided to go NC.

It took me 2 months to figure out on my own that he wasn't over his ex-girlfriend who just happened to come back into town a week before we broke up. I realized he dumped me to see if he had another chance with her, although he would never admit this to me. It didn't work between them. She left town 2 months ago with her current boyfriend.

Now my ex-boyfriend e-mailed me last weekend, after 3 months of NC, and told me HE needs closure and wants to talk.

Do you think a dumper ever really needs closure? Or is he just lonely? Taylor

 

Wow Taylor. First, let me suggest you start your own thread with this one as a way to get more input and advice.

 

What is it with guys and their exes? I got the impression from my experience with this guy that what he was hanging on too was this image of his ex being "the one love of his life". I think when guys make that kind of commitment they have a hard time getting over it.

 

He wants closure? I'd be inclined to think he's lonely, thinking about the good thing he messed up with you and is using 'closure talk' as a way to get in touch with you.

 

How do you feel about it?