missmay Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 I would appreciate some advice on this matter. I would also appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this, because I am in dire need of help. OK. So, I was dating (and living with) this guy named Jason for two years. He was a total jerk to me but I just stayed with him because I felt comfortable with the whole thing; there was no drama and I didn't want any. At work, through work friends, I met this guy named Jimmy who proclaimed he was mad for me. He was so nice to me, he bought me presents, he took me out, et cetera, while I was dating Jason. I felt like such a rebel. Of course, I fell crazy in love with Jimmy and decided that if I was SO crazy in love with Jimmy, I shouldn't be with Jason anymore, so I broke up with him in about February-ish. Jimmy and I were never officially "dating", and we were on and off for a few months. While we were off again, we decided to be friends/roommates because we both needed a place to live. (BAD IDEA!) I signed a YEAR long lease! I pushed all feelings for him aside and wanted it to be platonic because I didn't want him to be a rebound and he didn't want a girlfriend. Well, of course Jimmy and I got back together while we were living in the same house, and after a few weeks he dropped me again, like a turd, for really no reason at all. I went absolutely insane. That was a few months ago and I can't stand living in the same house with him! He completely despises me now, and now I have to live with him...but of course I am still in love with him! (Karma.) To try to get over Jimmy, I hooked back up with my friend from back in the day, Cody, who was out of town for a couple of years. Of course, he doesn't want me for anything but sex which is the story of my life. So! I gave up on him. Then, still trying to get over Jimmy, I went on a couple of dates with this guy Tyler, who was mutual friends with my friends, who told everyone how "gorgeous" I was but then decided I wasn't girlfriend material, started dating someone else. Then, in another attempt to get over Jimmy, I started hanging out with this gorgeous man I've known for awhile, Schuyler, who has a girlfriend. (!) We never did anything but he admitted he'd had a huge crush on me before his girlfriend moved back, but now she was back in town from wherever she had been and maybe we shouldn't hang out anymore. In yet ANOTHER attempt to get over Jimmy, I have been hanging out with this guy, Jordan, who I've had sex with quite a few times, which probably isn't the grounds for a stable relationship, but he seemed to like me. Then he told my friends he didn't want a girlfriend and that we were just "friends". Then in front of me he tried to get the number of a girl at the bar! ARGH! I just don't know what to do anymore. Why does nothing good happen to me? Jimmy can't stand me, he left a note on my bedroom door telling me to get over him, and nothing I would do would change his mind, that we were over completely. Now I have to live with him, and watch him bring trashy girls over to my house. Why am I never good enough? This always happens to me! I'm "nice to look at", but never "girlfriend material". And I'm not clingy, I'm not mean, or stupid. I try to be myself, but "myself" is never good enough. I know this sounds stupid, and cliche of me, but I just want someone to love me! ARGH! I'm getting desperate. I'm about to go on some dating website or something because I am just so lonely, and it's killing me to see Jimmy dating girls when I have nothing! Please help with your advice. I really appreciate it. love missmay
Kamille Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 First, i'd like to say i think i've been there. And I am single, would love to meet someone to love and who loves me back, do believe it will happen simply because I won't settle for less. So I think number one is rekindling with the princess inside of you and figuring out what you want in a relationship. And that not just any relationship will do. You're looking for someone who values you - and yes, cliché but you set that standard by loving yourself. Step 2: you need to work on being more selective of the relationships you get into and why you get into them. Getting involved to get over someone is not a good reason. Cliché number two : maybe you need to be single for awhile. If only to get over Jimmy. and you will get over Jimmy. Good luck girl! Don't forget: you do deserve what you want!
DanielMadr Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 Bad luck? Maybe. Bad taste? For sure. Change your mindset, habits, social group, friends etc.
funkify Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 I agree with Kamille, your rebound relationships are making you more sensitive when they don't work out. And let's be honest, most rships don't work out. That's why it's so hard to find 'The One'. As hard as it seems, you need to distance yourself from these temptations when you're still hurting from the last guy. Spend time with your girlfriends, indulge yourself in exercise, learn a language etc. You need a project. Once you truly spend enough time alone to understand 'it's ok' to be single and it is very satisfying, then you can start dating. I think another problem there is that you seem to rush into rships because of 'attraction' or because the guys give you a self-esteem boost. Take your time to get the know the guy as you would a friend. Hold off on the physical as long as you can. Think, "would I want this guy as a friend? Or am I making exceptions with his character because he's...insert superficial characteristic here". We all tend to overlook things at the start so don't feel guilty for doing this. You then realise later on that money/goodsex/good looks etc won't keep you happy in the long-term. Hope this helps Good Luck, it's tough out there isn't it!
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