reneet Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 Ok. So My man (who is not yet divorced from his w) has his w's house # come up as "Home". Does that mean that my man still considers the marital home as "Home".? Him & I have been living together for 5 years. Please advise. Thank You !
Author Marielle Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 "reneet :Ok. So My man (who is not yet divorced from his w) has his w's house # come up as "Home". Does that mean that my man still considers the marital home as "Home".? Him & I have been living together for 5 years. Please advise. Thank You ! " Well I understand your concern, how long will it take him to consider where he is living now HOME, 5 yrs is not enough? But that's not such a big deal, just a habit thing.....but having the man you love, who told you thousands of times that he has nothing to do wiht her, that they only live under the same ceiling because of the baby, I s called CHERIE (sweetheart) it was a bomb for me. ANd I know for a fact that it was not that way on his cell from before me. SHe has recently aquired a cell phone and he listed her as cherie. I am devastated more and more, he hasnt even called me after I kicked him out
Author Marielle Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 QUOTE=Guest;959221]i have discovered something...that my brain has deficiency...i think i need to go back to school or something...please don't mock or laugh at me about this but i have been reading a lot of posts here and at different sites and whenever i read a tale or story about troubled relationship where lying and cheating or whatever goes on, i really can never tell what the heck people are talking about! lol. maybe its because i am not hardwired to understand cheating or that i have known many that do...i do GET IT when the story is presented in a real way....i don't know what it is...maybe it's my dyslexia...maybe i should start reading childrens' books again...lol pathetic eh - i know! for some guys u have to keep it reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal simple! lol ok so it was sooo complicated, here it goes, just for u ***************Children with dislexia version beta 5******* There was a time when prince charming crossed the river and found a beautifull princess in a pink dress, they ***dillingggg*** felt in love right away!!! He promised her the moon, a castle, his heart and the stars...but there was only one problem, there was a villain, an alien he had to get rid of in order to be with princess. After long romance and music, and poetry..the greatest of the greatest time of the times "prince charming" is spotted in his real nature: HE is the villain, the one called villain BEFORE is his wife and is just a normal woman who doesnt know where HER HUSBAND IS FOOLING AROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gET IT NOW? If it is so hard to understand why are you even reading it? I m really having a hard time and do not need no one to put me down...
SortingItOut Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 briefing The problem with long threads is that the main subject gets dispersed or in several branches. TO summarize, can you respond to this specific questions? Was it low on my part the snooping ++in this case+++ The silence from him (normally he could call me like crazy, 100 times) is it bcause he s mad at me for snooping and dumping him? DId overreact? I think it was totally understandable and natural for you to look at his cellphone. You know he's capable of lying, of course you'd be curious to know if he was lying to you. Two years is a long time to be waiting on some man's divorce when you're 35 and want marriage/children yourself. Trust your gut - his silence shows his guilt. Do you really want a man who could leave his baby to be with his OW as often as you say he did? He's the worst kind of MM, the one who supposedly stays for the kids, yet has no problem neglecting them to make time with the OW. Good luck on dumping him and finding someone decent and worth your while.
BenThereDunThat Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 briefing The problem with long threads is that the main subject gets dispersed or in several branches. TO summarize, can you respond to this specific questions? Was it low on my part the snooping ++in this case+++ The silence from him (normally he could call me like crazy, 100 times) is it bcause he s mad at me for snooping and dumping him? DId overreact? In no way did you overreact!! If I had any kind of access to my exMM's cell phone, I know I would have snooped. I had no clue what I was up against. There were days when I believed him when he told me he loved me, but a lot of times I left my mind open to the possibility that I wasn't the only one. This was my mind's way of reminding me that this man is a CHEATER. I know for a fact that if we had actually wound up together, at some point my "love blinders" would have come off and I would turn into the nosiest, snoopiest thing! No way do I want to live that way. I want to be in a mutually trusting relationship. So, the fact that you snooped was your sub conscious telling you that you needed to. And if he IS mad at you for looking....huh...too bad so sad, buddy. What he's really mad about is there went his good thing. He had you naiively in one corner and the loving wife and child in the other. He had it made! ALSO - I'm all for doing whatever it takes to open your eyes to the situation and make it that much easier for you to get out. There were times when I would have welcomed hard, undeniable proof that he was lying to me. I was sick of the torment.
Seen_It_All Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 Do you really want a man who could leave his baby to be with his OW as often as you say he did? He's the worst kind of MM, the one who supposedly stays for the kids, yet has no problem neglecting them to make time with the OW. Good luck on dumping him and finding someone decent and worth your while. I simply couldn't have said it better myself. Funny how this guy started screwing around while his wife was pregnant - claiming how much he 'dislikes' her, and all. Yet it was only a few short months before that time that he'd been the one to GET her pregnant. His distaste for her must have cropped up somewhere in the first few months of her pregnancy because he sure didn't 'dislike' her when he was getting her pregnant. Hmm. Odd.
BenThereDunThat Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 I simply couldn't have said it better myself. Funny how this guy started screwing around while his wife was pregnant - claiming how much he 'dislikes' her, and all. Yet it was only a few short months before that time that he'd been the one to GET her pregnant. His distaste for her must have cropped up somewhere in the first few months of her pregnancy because he sure didn't 'dislike' her when he was getting her pregnant. Hmm. Odd. Perfectly stated, SIO and SIA.
Author Marielle Posted October 27, 2006 Author Posted October 27, 2006 I feel restless now... Why have I invested so much of my heart in him? I really cannot do anything now, I feel like being alone at home. I know it's not good to be isolated but I m crying all the time, and I can not go outside looking like this. Will this ever pass? What can I do to feel better? I really feel empty
BenThereDunThat Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 I feel restless now... Why have I invested so much of my heart in him? I really cannot do anything now, I feel like being alone at home. I know it's not good to be isolated but I m crying all the time, and I can not go outside looking like this. Will this ever pass? What can I do to feel better? I really feel empty Go ahead and give yourself some time to mourn. Get it all out. But not too much time! And please don't isolate yourself! When you think you can go out without crying for a couple hours, go to lunch, go shopping, do anything - just get out of the house! You will feel better. I promise. Be good to yourself. You are so much better off without him. You deserve so much more. The more time away from him, away from his lies, you will start to think clearly. Trust me. You will be relieved to have gotten rid of him. You're doing the right thing. Believe that. Trust that. <<Hugs>>
Author Marielle Posted October 27, 2006 Author Posted October 27, 2006 Thanks btdt, I ve been following your situation (sorry I ws not able to help u at the time) and I know it s been tuff for u too...I m glad your doing better. I feel like being alone bcause I m a pain for everone right now, I don t talk, I lok like sh**, and everone is like..."see I told you" even my mom, my friends, I know they want to help me but that doesn t work for me. I love him too much, I wish at least he called me, just to see if he s suffering Anyway, I do not want t victimimize myself, but it makes me feel better to share my thouhgts with u guys
BenThereDunThat Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 Thanks btdt, I ve been following your situation (sorry I ws not able to help u at the time) and I know it s been tuff for u too...I m glad your doing better. I feel like being alone bcause I m a pain for everone right now, I don t talk, I lok like sh**, and everone is like..."see I told you" even my mom, my friends, I know they want to help me but that doesn t work for me. I love him too much, I wish at least he called me, just to see if he s suffering Anyway, I do not want t victimimize myself, but it makes me feel better to share my thouhgts with u guys No, saying "I told you so" helps no one. I'm sure you're doing enough of that to yourself right now. It's ok to want to be alone for a while. Just make sure you don't do it for too long. I know it feels like you love him so much right now. A couple months ago, I was saying the same thing. Actually, a month ago I was saying the same thing. With enough space and time, you will see things in a whole new light. Your head gets a little clearer each day. I know it hurts that he's not calling. But I'm glad he's not. He knows he ran this well dry. You're onto him. You wised up. You're not the same person who believed every thing he told you. Hang in there. It does get easier - know that it won't happen overnight though. But each day you go without speaking to him, the clouds clear just that much more.
yousaveme Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 Im here for support. I havent read the whole thread , which i plan on doing. But im here. I'm an Ow my thread used to be under (going insane). I havent posted in awhile. I have been with my MM for almost a year now...Its very hard, But i love him dearly and he does also. In my situtation its because of the kids. M - if you need more insight on my background story and whats going on you can leave me a message...Hope to hear from you
BlueEyedGirl Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 M, A tip about crying and going out: just wear some sunglasses and noone will notice. Being in love with someone you cannot truly have is the most heartbreaking thing in the world. In time you will feel better, I promise.
Author Marielle Posted October 28, 2006 Author Posted October 28, 2006 yousame: thanks for understanding what I meant, and offering your support, it s really welcomed (sorry my sp, English is not my mother tongue) I d like to msg u but I do not have access to that feature. But I would definitely like to share our stories, it can help in times of sorrow and crisis. Many times us, unwilling ow, either still in the R or ending it go through a long process of sadness, anxiety, depression, fear to be alone, and bs coming here to bash us is not helping much, many of them (bs) are very intelligent woman who put themselves in our shoes and bring a lot to this board, but the rest are really mad (and I do understand them also) On another note: Regarding my situation-update- after the "Cherie " incident i went nc, that lasted 3 days until he called me, saying he needs to talk to me. Long story short, he came over , he told me he changed her name to Cherie, and mine to initials, cause she discovered a love letter for valentine that I wrote to him, and my name (complete )on his cell. But he says that doesn't mean anything and that he loves me and hasn't eaten for 3 days, can t llive without me, that I KILLED HIM etc.... and wants to be with me. In brief this time he says it could take up to another year for him to end M, it s not that easy...it's up to me...I was soooo vulnerable and he looked so cute that , oooops we got physically close. But this morning I ve sent him an email saying that I really love him but I can t go through another year, 6 month or 2 month, just said that he has to resolve his life, and if I m still here, good, I ll open my arms to him. Period
Author Marielle Posted October 28, 2006 Author Posted October 28, 2006 No, saying "I told you so" helps no one. I'm sure you're doing enough of that to yourself right now. It's ok to want to be alone for a while. Just make sure you don't do it for too long. I know it feels like you love him so much right now. A couple months ago, I was saying the same thing. Actually, a month ago I was saying the same thing. With enough space and time, you will see things in a whole new light. Your head gets a little clearer each day. I know it hurts that he's not calling. But I'm glad he's not. He knows he ran this well dry. You're onto him. You wised up. You're not the same person who believed every thing he told you. Hang in there. It does get easier - know that it won't happen overnight though. But each day you go without speaking to him, the clouds clear just that much more. Hey, btdt Reading your threads I found something very funny, and I wish I was in that "mode", you said: "now he's just another bald guy in the office" It made me laugh for the first and only time yesterday...I shall say, in my case in the future: he's just another hairy guy with a belly, hahahaha
whichwayisup Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 But he says that doesn't mean anything and that he loves me and hasn't eaten for 3 days, can t llive without me, that I KILLED HIM etc.... and wants to be with me. In brief this time he says it could take up to another year for him to end M, it s not that easy...it's up to me See, him telling you these things isn't fair on you. It's a way to keep you attached, and feel guilty. Saying YOU killed him? WTF. Don't believe a word of this, I mean, he hasn't eaten in 3 days?? Don't you think his wife would notice his attitude and him not eating at all, being all mopey? He's telling you this so you won't doubt him. Problem is, you know he's lied to his wife so much, he's gotta be putting afew lies your way as well. Stay strong and keep busy. But this morning I ve sent him an email saying that I really love him but I can t go through another year, 6 month or 2 month, just said that he has to resolve his life, and if I m still here, good, I ll open my arms to him. Period You can't go on like this, it's really unfair of him to even expect you to 'wait' for him, make your life stop. If he truely wants you, he'll do whatever is necessary to end his marriage. He hasn't done that, and him telling you he "will" one day is a load of crap. Good that you've put your foot down. As painful as this is for you, it's something you gotta do.
norajane Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 But this morning I ve sent him an email saying that I really love him but I can t go through another year, 6 month or 2 month, just said that he has to resolve his life, and if I m still here, good, I ll open my arms to him. Period You did the right thing, the best thing. IF - and that's a big IF, I think - IF he truly is miserable in his marriage, by being with him, you make it easier for him to stay in his marriage, to endure his misery. Without you, maybe he will realize that he can't stay in a miserable marriage and needs to resolve it. With you, he can more easily bear to stay in his marriage because he gets happiness with you. If he is not truly in a miserable marriage, then you have done the best thing for yourself by ending this. You want a man who can fully be in your life in the way you need him to be - openly, honestly, and with a future to build upon together.
yousaveme Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 yousame: thanks for understanding what I meant, and offering your support, it s really welcomed (sorry my sp, English is not my mother tongue) I d like to msg u but I do not have access to that feature. But I would definitely like to share our stories, it can help in times of sorrow and crisis. Many times us, unwilling ow, either still in the R or ending it go through a long process of sadness, anxiety, depression, fear to be alone, and bs coming here to bash us is not helping much, many of them (bs) are very intelligent woman who put themselves in our shoes and bring a lot to this board, but the rest are really mad (and I do understand them also) On another note: Regarding my situation-update- after the "Cherie " incident i went nc, that lasted 3 days until he called me, saying he needs to talk to me. Long story short, he came over , he told me he changed her name to Cherie, and mine to initials, cause she discovered a love letter for valentine that I wrote to him, and my name (complete )on his cell. But he says that doesn't mean anything and that he loves me and hasn't eaten for 3 days, can t llive without me, that I KILLED HIM etc.... and wants to be with me. In brief this time he says it could take up to another year for him to end M, it s not that easy...it's up to me...I was soooo vulnerable and he looked so cute that , oooops we got physically close. But this morning I ve sent him an email saying that I really love him but I can t go through another year, 6 month or 2 month, just said that he has to resolve his life, and if I m still here, good, I ll open my arms to him. Period email me : at [email protected]
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