London Girl Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 My ex and I have been on and off since January. When we last met in August, I asked him how he felt about us - he says that maybe he is just not ready for a serious relationship, that I will always be special to him, that if the feeling had gone for him when we dated then how can he get the feeling back if we gave it a second chance. At this point, I decided to do no contact and move on as I was hurting too much. Then this morning, my ex emails me after a month of no contact. I have not seen him for 2 months. He has moved into a new house and emails me informing me of his new address, suggesting that I should go and check out his new place. He also mentions that it is my birthday coming up (even though this is another month away!). He is really messing with my head. I still think of him 24/7 and I still love him and want him back. I just don’t know how to react if I see him again. Play it cool? Don't question him about our relationship? Does he miss me? - Just what does the man want?!! Any advice appreciated. Thanks
Freedom Now Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 If he wants you, he will come and find you. Wait for the grand gesture. An email is not it. Stay strong.
D-Lish Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 Does this guy have a history of dancing in and out of your life? You mentioned it was an on again off again thing between you since January. If so- he may be trying to reel you back in because you have been in NC with him and he is missing you. Do you think you can trust this guy with your feelings? I'd be careful if I were you. You won't truly know his motives unless you ask... but asking at this point is not a good idea- it would only scare him off. I'd practice a bit of indifference with him- wait to respond to his e-mail, and tell him you'll see the new place "when you have some time". Were you two friends prior to dating? D
Author London Girl Posted October 25, 2006 Author Posted October 25, 2006 when I refer to on and off, I mean as FWB. We did not know each other before we started dating. I went NC on him as I was tired of being on a high when we met up and feeling crap afterwards when he tells me that he still has doubts about me even though he thinks I tick all the right boxes. It's emotionally draining so I had to draw a line and go NC. I was going to leave him be and never contact him again and then wham bam he emails me this morning. Everytime he has contacted me, I've sounded happy, making jokes etc. so perhaps he thinks I'm okay and that we can become friends. I want to ask him but I feel like I'm going round in circles with him. If he has told me in the past that it is not going to work between us then why does he not just leave me alone? I think he has issues (his wife left him before he met me) and perhaps he has not dealt with these issues. I know for sure he is over her but perhaps he is just not ready to commit again after being rejected by his ex as he told me that he thought our relationship was intense ... I still have not responded to his email, do you think I should?
D-Lish Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 ahhhh- ok. Him being Divorced puts things into a better perspective. Yes, wait to respond to the e-mail... at least a couple days. You want to create some anticipation in him. If you have a history of always being there when he reaches out, then suddenly you change this pattern, he'll take notice. In my experience- men don't deal well with rejection... or at the very least, they deal with it differently than women do. My ex was still carrying around the baggage from a rejection he experienced 6 years ago.... he had just never dealt with it. They may be "over" the ex... but they are not over the rejection part of it. I think he pushes and pulls with you because he is protecting his feelings. You get close, you have an intimate moment, then poof- he's gone for a while. Then he resurfaces only to do the same thing again. I think you have to make yourself scarce to him. Make him believe he can't have you. Turn the rejection around....and he will take notice...because suddenly you become a challenge. Did you read the posts about the "compilation of how to win them back" on here? It provides some good insight and information. Don't respond at least for a couple days though...longer if you can wait. You want to come off as indifferent to him! Dee
Author London Girl Posted October 25, 2006 Author Posted October 25, 2006 Thanks for your advice D-Lish. Yes I have read "compilation of how to win them back" and other stuff - this relationship forum is great and it has helped me cope and understand what my ex might be thinking. I hope you are feeling better too! My ex and I did actually have 2 months of no contact before but then we met up (instigated by me), became intimate/enjoyed spending time together etc. then afterwards he tells me it just does not feel right so I feel what's even the point of asking him again now. Over the last 2 months of NC, I have accepted it's over and am trying to heal but I feel if I reply to his email and we meet up again, we probably become intimate and then he probably reject me again and I'll be back to square one. I totally agree with you that men deal with rejection differently to women and I think it does not help that my ex is a sensitive type and not only was he rejected by his ex wife but his ex girlfriend too before his ex wife. I treat him well, am loyal etc. and then he dumps me without even being able to give me a proper reason why. Why can't he see a good thing when he has one? I feel that he is punishing me for the way his exes treated him! I think I will wait a few days or perhaps next week before replying to him, not sure if I'm doing the right thing though.
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