Why are men like this? And I still want my ex in my life.

[CosmoBella]

I'm so mad! Because Im hurting so much. I hate him! And hate is a strong word. I was in a relationship that lasted for a year. Man this guy screwed me up! Anyway it started off as a sweet loving relationship(most of them do)...Boy was I fooled.

Part one:

We were good friends for 5 years, when we met I was not interested in him and he didn't act like if had feelings for me. So we got along great he would talk to me about girls and school. I just listened. But we would always end up talking till weee hours of the night. 3 months passed by and I started dating someone and I told him we couldn't keep talking because I was involved with someone else and I didn't want the other person to be jealous. Long story short for 3 years he text here and there and I usually never answered.

Part two:

So time goes by (3 yrs) and then I get this text unknown number, asked how I was. I said fine and asked who it was and it was him. Okay. Well we started to talk for 2 months very friendly I didn't think much of it. One day he says do you remember when we use to talk and I kinda did. So he said that he had feelings for me and that he didn't know how to tell me because I was with someone else and it tore his heart ( I didn't know he liked me). He finally asked me out. BAMM!! I fell for him. He was charming and sweet. funny, goffy, smart basically he was everything I wanted. We got together. And it went amazing we seemed to connect in every aspect possible.

Part three:

Oh shhhit. We began to fight one month into it. He was jealous and always mad for any little thing I did. Like if I didn't answer or if I was running late. I let it go I thought it was just a phase. Nope it WASNT!! Then he would talk about marriage and kids. I freaked out but I didn't let him know. At this time I was working long hours never had a steady schedule. He began to fight with me because he said I wasn't there for him. He started treating me like dirt and I would cry in front of him when he did. He would cry and apologize to me. One night he just went off on me saying how he didn't love me, that I made him feel miserable, that he was dating someone else and planned on marrying this chick. I was numb, then I cried and got depressed. Also he broke up with me. Next day I avoid his calls, texts and emails. He blows up again. he left me a nasty voicemail. He begged me back after. HUH?!! stupid me said "okay, I forgive you".... Something in me just stopped carrying.

Part four:

We were still together and never really acted like we were. I stop carrying about what he said plus I started school full time and had work full time. I was busy. And when I had time i hung out with my friends. I would try to tell him that I love him and missed him. And that he really hurt me. He apologized many times but I couldn't believe him. I wanted to kick his azz ( i would never hurt anyone), this went one for 4 months. I just had my heart torn. But I was dumb and in love and I wanted this man like Ive never wanted anyone in my life.

Part Five:

We broke up cause I was tired of his attitude his lies ( btw this man lied and I caught him many times and made him fez up to it). But I never iniciated NC. We would text and IM. Hell this man forgot how to use the damn phone after a while. I didn't care so much as I use to. Major tragedy happen in my life and I told him. He was there for me that night that was it. And said he loved me and wanted to marry me how he missed me. And wanted me back. HA! I was dating someone else (rebound relationship- dont try it-screws you up even more). He was asking me about this guy and what I liked so much about him. I told him we kissed and nothing more ( i wanted to mess him up). Till this day I havent let go of the past. So that night we got back together.

Part Six:

MISTAKE!! A big mistake to go back. I was doing okay. He started the same habbit a text here and there. One call in a week. F**k it i said. Didn't care I played his game. I still loved him deep down in my heart. This time I didn't cry I didn't shed one tear because I felt numb. One day I said" I cant take this anymore. its over" And went on NC. This was the best thing I had going. I lasted one week I cracked and send him a msg (btw i was drunk lol). I did not remember the next day so he said the same shhhhit again. okay back together, damn it. I screwed up. I love him but what he was and did to me was killing me emotional.

Part Seven:

Today and now at this moment, I barely talk to this man. He left me and hurt me so bad. And I come to find out about his myspace page. So many girls send him msgs that I am so sad he might want to be with someone else and is still stringing me along. He doesn't know Ive seen his myspace. I love him and want to be with him deep down, Im dumb I know that. But I feel its time for no contact.I hate relationships. i hate men right now.I feel im dying inside. I cant sleep or eat.

QUESTIONS THAT I HAVE?

How can men do this? How can he hurt me so much and tell me he still loves me?

Men does it make you feel powerful that women cry and beg for you?

What the hell is wrong with my ex that he strings me along?

Can all of this be my fault?

 

Thanks for reading my long post! Any advice is much appreciated.

[Confuggled_one]

CosmoBella:

 

First I want to tell you it is wrong of you to label all men being like that. It is first and foremost wrong. I have been dating a girl, and she sent me on the same emotional rollercoaster you have been on. I can turn around, be unfair, and label all women stupid, manipulative, mean, greedy, etc. The fact is that not all men are like that, nor are women. It's just the person you dated was like that because of the events that happened in their lives and how they were born and structured.. I just wanted to mention this to because I think it would be unfair for other guys in the future when you start dating again.

 

On to your problem:

Judging from what your ex bf did to you, I think that he is just playing the Push and Pull game. Maybe he has something called BPD, because his actions really resemble my ex Gf's behavior. If you think he does have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) after doing some research on the web, you should get a book called "Stop walking on eggshells". I got that book and it helped me realize why my ex gf acted the way she did, and it made me realize a lot of things, and made me feel better bout myself too.

 

Judging from what you have said your ex's action dont seem to show that he loves you. You keep going back because you love him, and he knows that he can do that to you. I think he wants you back because you gave him love when he needed it the most.. more over you were there for him whenever he needed it too.. you should just stop talking to this guy.. make that barely talking to him NEVER TALKING TO HIM. he is just playing a game with you and making you wait there for him so that when everything else fails, he can come running to you and you can make him feel better. you dont want that now do you :-P...

 

As for myspace..

You should really just stop viewing it. My ex gf did the same thing to me. made me puke everytime i saw it because iwas so depressed. I'd also cry like a baby everynight because I thought she just didnt love me no more. Fact is: They arent happy, they're just puttin on a facade for you so that YOU can come RUNNING back to THEM. you understand that? Your ex seems very manipulative.. and this is just another contribution to the manipulation game. So just stop viewing his myspace.. whenever you have the urge to visit his site.. pick up the phone, call your friend.. mother, father, brother sisters.. whatever! Just stop yourself from going there.. it might take some time but just imagine mypsace being a depression pill :-P..

 

as for being your fault it isnt your fault.. in a relationship nothing is completely one persons fault.. I think we all have a 50/50 share.. it was your fault for allowing him to do this to you.. but it was his fault for being so inconsiderate of your feelings and making you sit on this contious emotional rollercoaster. so dont blame yourself for everything

 

if i was too harsh for the first paragraph, excuse me.. i just dont think it's fair for you to label all men with the same behavior.

 

I hope you feel better.. if you have more questions post! LS is the best place to be for recovery

 

one more quote that might help you:

"If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn't walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want."

 

remember that..

 

he doesnt treat you well.. why shoudl you try harder to please him and allow him to give you the same treatment?

[D-Lish]

I think it's obvious your ex likes to play the push and pull game.

Don't buy into it- and please, stop viewing his MySpace.

It will only drive you nuts.

 

He likes the thrill of the chase...but once he has what he wants, he becomes bored and indifferent. Let those be his issues...

 

You control the choices you make- you can choose to recognize that this guy isn't good for you and cut him loose. You can't choose who you love- but you can choose to stay or go.

 

People throw around terms like BPD, etc.... but sometimes people are just a-holes...ya know? We want to label the people that rejected us with "disorders", so it lessens the pain of rejection for us.

 

Maybe he has deep-seeded issues- but maybe he is just a jerk who simply isn't good for you.

D

[CosmoBella]

"First I want to tell you it is wrong of you to label all men being like that. It is first and foremost wrong. I have been dating a girl, and she sent me on the same emotional rollercoaster you have been on. I can turn around, be unfair, and label all women stupid, manipulative, mean, greedy, etc. The fact is that not all men are like that, nor are women. It's just the person you dated was like that because of the events that happened in their lives and how they were born and structured.. I just wanted to mention this to because I think it would be unfair for other guys in the future when you start dating again."

 

This is not how I usually view men, most men are great to me. I have awesome friends that are men. I've just notice a pattern on guys that break up with their gf for no apparent reason. They become jerks, and liars, verbally abusive and users to the chick they claimed to love once!

 

 

"On to your problem:

Judging from what your ex bf did to you, I think that he is just playing the Push and Pull game. "

 

I never really thought about it till you said it Conn. I think about it and I was always there for this man when he needed me. I even had to come home from work early because he was in this "depressed" mode.

 

"Judging from what you have said your ex's action dont seem to show that he loves you. You keep going back because you love him, and he knows that he can do that to you. I think he wants you back because you gave him love when he needed it the most.. more over you were there for him whenever he needed it too.. you should just stop talking to this guy.. make that barely talking to him NEVER TALKING TO HIM. he is just playing a game with you and making you wait there for him so that when everything else fails, he can come running to you and you can make him feel better. you dont want that now do you :-P..."

 

Well he told me he didnt love me twice and that killed me. But come to think of it, you will never say that to the person you claim to love. But he did! CREEP! He always apologized. Maybe he's nutty.

I started NC yesterday and he text me twice and IM me. But didnt answer. It feels good that somehow I am in control of ME. I cant be his puppet. Im human with real emotions and all the gridy stuff that comes with it. NO TALKING TO HIM. Even though I feel Ive lost the only man I truly loved. Man, I was going to marry the jerk.

 

 

 

"If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn't walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want."

 

Thanks so much for that quote. I wrote it in my planner so that everyday I can read it.

 

 

Thank you so much Confuggled_one for taking time to respond to my post. You gave me a real reality check.

[CosmoBella]

"I think it's obvious your ex likes to play the push and pull game.

Don't buy into it- and please, stop viewing his MySpace.

It will only drive you nuts."

 

Ive stopped, I know im hurting myself by viewing what he does and who he talks to. It hurts so much that he makes other chicks laugh with his lame jokes that I always that were cute. Dumb, I know.

 

"He likes the thrill of the chase...but once he has what he wants, he becomes bored and indifferent. Let those be his issues..."

 

Yep, when he knows I want to move on he becomes all sweet and loving. Maybe I allowed myself to be pulled all these times when he wanted me when he had no one else to turn.

 

 

 

"People throw around terms like BPD, etc.... but sometimes people are just a-holes...ya know? We want to label the people that rejected us with "disorders", so it lessens the pain of rejection for us."

 

Lol, thanks for the laugh.

 

Ive read alot of your post, youre very wise D-lish. Thanks...

[Confuggled_one]

CosmoBella

 

are you feeling better today?

[CosmoBella]

CosmoBella

 

are you feeling better today?

 

Hi Confuggled_one,

I'm feeling the same as yesterday just a tad better (numb, stressed out, sad). Still break ups are hard. Thanks for asking. I replied to your comment.

[Confuggled_one]

ya, try to stay busy..

 

things will only get better..

this was for the best so dun worry.

[CosmoBella]

Now what? Well, Im wondering what are the stages of going through a break up to feeling better?

 

Im mad that he still text msgs me like if nothing is wrong, life if we were "oh, so happy." He still has the atrocity to say "Hey babe, I love you." WTF!

 

Arrggghhhhh! Why cant I stop wondering if he thinks what he's doing to me is right? Im angry that I was taken as a fool.

Why does he still contact me if I don't respond at all?

[Guest]

wow girl u n i are in the same situation, even about the myspace, except we have 3 kids together.. 4 yrs later its over..