Meaplus3 Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 Tonight is a tough one for me! I have been involoved in a E/A and slight PA for almost 1 year now. The MM and I are neighbors. After a weekend of seeing him out and about filled with my love affection for him, I called him to come see me. As alway's when I have call he comes running. I really wanted to make love to him tonight, but that did not happen. You see he loves his wife!!!!! He feels as even though we have done plenty behind our spouses back's that he has not cheated just because we did not have actual SEX. We were face to face for about 30 miutes talking, hugging. and touching the normal for us, then he left. I rang him when he got home because I wanted to apologie for coming on so strong. We got to talking about our whole sitauation. He finally got me to admit that I was not happy in my marriage and he want's to see me be happy. He said the words tonight that made me realize that this affair is totally over. "I want to stay with my wife for the rest of my life", DID not need to hear that one!! :sick: So now that I know that we have NO future what so ever together and my marriage is a compelete mess, how do I get him out of my heart in order to either fix my marriage or divorce and move on to a available man! The reason this is so DARN hard is that I truely feel that this man is the other half to my soul and he's not EVEN MINE!
Guest Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 Tonight is a tough one for me! I have been involoved in a E/A and slight PA for almost 1 year now. The MM and I are neighbors. After a weekend of seeing him out and about filled with my love affection for him, I called him to come see me. As alway's when I have call he comes running. I really wanted to make love to him tonight, but that did not happen. You see he loves his wife!!!!! He feels as even though we have done plenty behind our spouses back's that he has not cheated just because we did not have actual SEX. We were face to face for about 30 minutes talking, hugging. and touching the normal for us, then he left. I rang him when he got home because I wanted to apologie for coming on so strong. We got to talking about our whole sitauation. He finally got me to admit that I was not happy in my marriage and he want's to see me be happy. He said the words tonight that made me realize that this affair is totally over. "I want to stay with my wife for the rest of my life", DID not need to hear that one!! :sick: So now that I know that we have NO future what so ever together and my marriage is a compelete mess, how do I get him out of my heart in order to either fix my marriage or divorce and move on to a available man! The reason this is so DARN hard is that I truly feel that this man is the other half to my soul and he's not EVEN MINE! If this man is the other half to your soul, then you will have to live the rest of your life with 1/2 of a soul. He obviously doesn't feel the same. The fact that you wanted to have sex and he was able to say no means that he will never cross that line. I hope he is able to be honest with his wife and fix the reason why he acted inappropriately with you. You, on the other hand, need to move on with your life. You are in this mess because you let a married man into your heart in the first place. Try not to make that mistake again.
Author Meaplus3 Posted October 25, 2006 Author Posted October 25, 2006 If this man is the other half to your soul, then you will have to live the rest of your life with 1/2 of a soul. He obviously doesn't feel the same. The fact that you wanted to have sex and he was able to say no means that he will never cross that line. I hope he is able to be honest with his wife and fix the reason why he acted inappropriately with you. You, on the other hand, need to move on with your life. You are in this mess because you let a married man into your heart in the first place. Try not to make that mistake again. Guest, Thanks for your reply. I am so darn confused right now. The fact that he has run to me for hug's, touches and so forth for the past year tell's me that something is missing in his marriage, something that he has denied all along!!!!!! I think he has a problem with honesty, so that makes me realize that he can't fully be as happy as he say's if he can't even be honest with his wife! What drives me nut's her is even though he won't cross that line(although we have come VERY close a few times). is the fact that after we meet and then are not face to face but on the phone he gives me little hint's about how much h would love to and makes me look forward to the time we might be alone again. Enough about him, I need to focus on me right now! How do I het him out of my heart??
Freedom Now Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 Somehow you are gonna have to find a way to cut him out of your heart. If I could create a magic potion to do so, I would be a godzillionaire. And I would be the first one to take the first swig.
Joelle Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 How do I het him out of my heart?? How about facing the truth that a relationship with him is not meant to be? If you and him were meant to be together, he would leave his wife for you. Sometimes the truth is a bitter pill to swallow, but it may get him out of your heart. Good luck.
BenThereDunThat Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 Oh, I feel for you, I really do. I know it FEELS like he is the other half of your soul right now. But just because it FEELS that way does NOT make it so! I know you will come to see that in time. You have got to cut him out of your life if you are ever going to get him out of your heart. I know it's not feasible to just up and move. I thought it was hard working with mine, but I think your situation is worse. I leave work at work. Like Freedom says, I wish I had the magic potion, or could snap my fingers and make it go away for you. But you will get there. It takes gut-wrenching, soul-searching work, and NO MORE hugs, touching, ANY of that!! If it takes being uber bitch to him, so be it. You have to do it. You cannot truly listen to what your heart wants as far as your marriage until you do. I know it's hard. Believe me, I know. But we're here for you. Post as much as you need to!!
Guest Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 excuse me for asking a silly question...but i am new here...it would appear that some of you have been talking about this stuff for a long time [lol] i mean a really long time - lol - my question is what is EA and PA. and does everyone know each other in here - seems like most if not all tales have the same ring to them - always something about betrayal. wouldn't it be like totally wicked if behind these net-masks every single one of the real people involved in these stories were online at the same time - same day! what an opportunity [full moon vibe] that would be...then everyone could just drop the masks, introduce themselves "hi X. its me, M. yah, i;ve been buffing yer ex-C since 2005 - kewl eh. look over there, its A - she's doing R who got mad a went to Q and decided to have a W and then we all ended up at S's house and before your new it K walks in and decides to steal M from C and then C rebounds over to K because that's what she does but before she gets there W and Q vow to protect C before M gets wind of the flight to New Orleans......... Sounds stupid eh..well, [holds up a mirror to the actors in Drama]
lovernotafighter Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 answerplease37 I'm sorry to hear your pain..I know it's hard..I'm still reeling over my break up with my MM (he keeps tearing the band aid off sort of sh*t) but I get better all the time, I hope you can stay strong and keep your chin up..never let him see you sweat ;-)
ConfusedLover Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 Hi AP, this may sound harsh, but there are no soul mates in real life. With so many millions of people in this world, do you really think, there is just one person who fits your needs? No, one happens to be there next door, thats all. How to get out of this rut? If your marriage sucks, look at Divorce as a serious option. You need to either start working on your marriage, counseling, etc. or get out. As for the heart-break, take up something that would be really challenging for you. You need to think about something else. You need to replace your thoughts about MM with thoughts about something that you need to solve/work/whatever. Immerse yourself in work. Thats the only way you can stop thinking about him. One day, bingo, you will wake up and find that you are not hurting any more. You have one life, live it well. You owe yourself happiness. Dont let anybody take it away from you.
PoshPrincess Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 answerplease37 I'm sorry to hear your pain..I know it's hard..I'm still reeling over my break up with my MM (he keeps tearing the band aid off sort of sh*t) but I get better all the time, I hope you can stay strong and keep your chin up..never let him see you sweat ;-) Ditto. My break up has only been 2 weeks (although dragged on/off on/off since end May). We tried NC so many times but this time I feel v slightly stronger, so, it will happen! I actually had a dream the other night that we spoke and when I woke up I was full of regret that I had taken this step back as speaking to him had cut me up all over again. This has got to be a good sign. Fingers xd. AnswerPlease, your sitch is slightly different to mine in that you are a MW. I can only imagine your head must be all over the place. I think you have to take a big step back from your MM, look at your own M and decide whether you think you can work things out with your H. If not, make a clean break. Whatever happens, as hard as it is, you must respect your MMs decision to stay with his wife.
lovernotafighter Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 Ditto. My break up has only been 2 weeks (although dragged on/off on/off since end May). We tried NC so many times but this time I feel v slightly stronger, so, it will happen! I actually had a dream the other night that we spoke and when I woke up I was full of regret that I had taken this step back as speaking to him had cut me up all over again. This has got to be a good sign. Fingers xd. AnswerPlease, your sitch is slightly different to mine in that you are a MW. I can only imagine your head must be all over the place. I think you have to take a big step back from your MM, look at your own M and decide whether you think you can work things out with your H. If not, make a clean break. Whatever happens, as hard as it is, you must respect your MMs decision to stay with his wife. mines been testing me none stop like a little kid..he wants me..he doesn't..he wants this and that and then doesn't ,blagh blagh..a real nightmare on my end. I'm a MW as well AP ,I work with my MM and though its not as bad living next door I do have to see him everyday and it's really hard to get over him. try to avoid him as much as possible,when everyone says NC is the only way it's to truth..I am sure that if I could go NC with my MM I'd be over this jerk by now..hang in there
Author Meaplus3 Posted October 25, 2006 Author Posted October 25, 2006 How about facing the truth that a relationship with him is not meant to be? If you and him were meant to be together, he would leave his wife for you. Sometimes the truth is a bitter pill to swallow, but it may get him out of your heart. Good luck. Joelle, You are 100 % correct in saying that the TRUTH is a better pill to swallow! For if I had faced the darn truth about the fact that I was not happy in my marriage 1 year ago, I would probably not have become emotionally involved with this MM. Biggest problem is the TRUTH really does hurt. I finally made an appointment this morning for counseling, so I can make a sound adult choice as to what to do about my VERY unhappy marriage. I need to stay strong and realize that MM was never mine to begin with and NEVER will be. The fact that he just kept coming back for more and more of the hugs and intimacy just makes it much more difficult to completly move on. Thanks for your kind words. AP
Freedom Now Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 Dig deep inside and find that strength that you know that you have. Hold on to it. It will get you through this valley in your life. Freedom Now
PoshPrincess Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 Joelle, You are 100 % correct in saying that the TRUTH is a better pill to swallow! For if I had faced the darn truth about the fact that I was not happy in my marriage 1 year ago, I would probably not have become emotionally involved with this MM. Biggest problem is the TRUTH really does hurt. I finally made an appointment this morning for counseling, so I can make a sound adult choice as to what to do about my VERY unhappy marriage. I need to stay strong and realize that MM was never mine to begin with and NEVER will be. The fact that he just kept coming back for more and more of the hugs and intimacy just makes it much more difficult to completly move on. Thanks for your kind words. AP Good luck with the counselling. I am going through it at the moment. Sometimes it's a struggle, sometimes I really don't feel like going but after several weeks I finally feel like I am getting somewhere. It does help. Hopefully after a few weeks you will start to feel more empowered.
Author Meaplus3 Posted October 25, 2006 Author Posted October 25, 2006 Good luck with the counselling. I am going through it at the moment. Sometimes it's a struggle, sometimes I really don't feel like going but after several weeks I finally feel like I am getting somewhere. It does help. Hopefully after a few weeks you will start to feel more empowered. Posh, Thanks for your kind words!! I am glad to know that counseling is helping you, hopefully it will work the same for me. I have some very tough choices to make in the coming month's, but I do know that deep down in my heart I need to be happy, something I have not felt in a VERY, VERY long time. Best of luck to you. AP
PoshPrincess Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 Posh, Thanks for your kind words!! I am glad to know that counseling is helping you, hopefully it will work the same for me. I have some very tough choices to make in the coming month's, but I do know that deep down in my heart I need to be happy, something I have not felt in a VERY, VERY long time. Best of luck to you. AP I now finally believe it really DOES get easier. After 2 weeks of NC my ex-MM actually tried calling last night and I was strong enough NOT to answer the phone. Of course, I would've loved to have spoken to him, to have heard his voice, but I knew that it would be a step back. It would've hurt too much. Not so long ago I would've answered as I was still in self-destruct mode, now I feel I am finally getting somewhere. Not saying I will NEVER speak to him again but at the moment the feelings are still too raw. I can't put myself through that again. We did agree to be friends when we split but I now realise I can't do that. I can't be 'just friends' with someone I am still hopelessly in love with.
Author Meaplus3 Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 I now finally believe it really DOES get easier. After 2 weeks of NC my ex-MM actually tried calling last night and I was strong enough NOT to answer the phone. Of course, I would've loved to have spoken to him, to have heard his voice, but I knew that it would be a step back. It would've hurt too much. Not so long ago I would've answered as I was still in self-destruct mode, now I feel I am finally getting somewhere. Not saying I will NEVER speak to him again but at the moment the feelings are still too raw. I can't put myself through that again. We did agree to be friends when we split but I now realise I can't do that. I can't be 'just friends' with someone I am still hopelessly in love with. Hey Posh, I agree with you there about friendship with MM when you love them. The MM I got involved with said he still want's to remain friends. He must have NO clue about life if he actaully think's that we can be friends like the way we were before this whole thing started, cause I know it's NOT going to happen, too many feelings on both sides. I had to laugh at some of his remarks during our END IT conversation. He claims he just want's to see me happy. If that were the truth then why did he keep this up as well? Then he said what I would love to see in 20 years from now is us having the same nice conversation over our fences, like we had the other day. What is he kidding himself? If I am still friends with him in 20 years from now then I am certain I won't be on the other side of the fence from him but on the same side. I don't undrstand men somtimes!! AP Posh, STAY STRONG!! :)
Freedom Now Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 Posh, Welcome to my world. My MM will absolutely NOT give up. I am getting hang up calls on my phone, and emails inspite of the fact that he is blocked from my account. He just doesn't get it. The affair is OVER. I am insulted that he believes that I would settle for the scraps he is offering. But, I will not say a word to him or respond to him. Silence speaks volumes. Stay strong.
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