Arianna72 Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 Please refer to my other thread for some background info… http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t98636/ So his ex finally moved to CA and has not contacted him since then. We have been spending time together at least twice a week. Thing is he is still giving me really mixed messages. One minute he is talking about how he doesn’t want me to be the rebound girl, doesn’t want to hurt me (or get hurt), wants us to just be friends and doesn’t think he should have an intimate or sexual relationship with me because he is scared of his feelings for me right now. His friends have told him and he believes he needs to be single for a bit since he has NEVER really been single before and that every time he and I are intimate it is harder for him to keep perspective and not want to throw himself at the relationship 100%. Thing is every time we hang out he wants to talk more about where he is at and point out to me that I am the only person he has been intimate with since May and how much I mean to him etc etc. He talks about how I am the only person he trusts and how even though there are numerous women who are interested in him I am the only one he feels close to. He is very affectionate with me and will talk about plans with me for trips and going camping stuff like that all the time. Basically he will revert to talking about us like a “couple” On Wednesday J invited me out to have drinks and after another of these “discussions” that he initiated I told him I was coming to the conclusion that I needed to just let go of any hopes I had that things could grow into something more than friendship with him. And asked him if it would be better for him if took a step back and kept the relationship strictly plutonic to let him figure out where he was at on his own. He said it would probably make things easier. I got up and went to order a drink, when I came back he looked at me and said "I am a bit confused about everything you have said tonight" I restated things and said I was moving on and letting go of anything more than friendship with him... He asked me if that is what I thought he wanted. I said “yeah isn’t that what you have been saying” he looked sad and asked me if I would ever really even want someone like him as a boyfriend. I told him that I really liked him I knew he had his flaws but yeah that I did want someone like him. He got this absolutely adorable grin on his face, grabbed my hand... leaned over and planted the most WONDERFUL kiss on me (best kiss I have EVER experienced in my life) then said... how about we try to actually go out on a really nice date this weekend. I was stunned for a moment... then I said... do you have any idea what you just did? He said... "I am hoping I convinced you to decide to give us a chance at being something more than friends... I am confused but I don’t want you to give up on things yet. You amaze me". So… fast forward to our date this weekend and there we are having the same conversation again. Him saying he is scared, that he isn’t ready for anything with anyone right now, that he shouldn’t be intimate with me because he will get too attached to me etc. and me asking him if he is again trying to tell me that we should just be friends. I told him that his kiss on Wednesday really sent a different message and he needed to stop sending mixed messages if he wanted to just be my friend. He apologized then moments later he is saying “I want to do something I know I shouldn’t” when I am ask him what he takes a few moments then pulls me close and kisses me again. He says he doesn’t want to have sex with anyone but he misses having someone to sleep with at night but is again afraid to go there with me because he cares for me so much and doesn’t want to get more attached. Then as we are driving to the store he invites me to his house for a drink, I tell him that I probably shouldn’t have another drink if I am going to be driving home and he responds with “I want you to stay with me tonight”. I agree and we hang out till like 1 am just chatting and enjoying each other’s company. We go to bed and cuddle up with one another. Despite all of his talk we do end up having sex. (he definitely was the initiator this time) I talked to my sister this morning and she says I need to just let things happen as they happen but I am so confused by all of his mixed messages. I want him to be able to do what he feels he needs to do for himself and I don’t want him to end up feeling like he just fell into a relationship with me that he isn’t ready for. At the same time I have now told him how I feel about him and that it shouldn’t be entirely my responsibility to keep our relationship in a plutonic place. I know this guy is confused but so am I and I still don’t know how to proceed.
Author Arianna72 Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 I am so lost right now. I really care about J a lot and even though I have no idea where things are going I find myself turning down dates with perfectly suitable guys on the off chance that things could work out with J at some point. Tonight J called me and while I was talking to him a guy from work called and left me a message asking if I was up for grabbing some dinner. I can't even bring myself to return his phone call because I have no idea what to say to him. Does anyone have any idea what may be going on in his head right now?
Recommended Posts