cynthia77 Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 I'm hoping somebody can offer me some insight. My boyfriend, and father of my child, had an emotional affair a little over a year ago and I can't seem to let it go. During my pregnancy, I thought perhaps it was just my emotions going wild ... but now that son is born, I still feel extremely hurt by his actions and find myself crying throughout the day for no apparent reason (nothing really triggers it). He never slept with this other woman - but he did leave work during the afternoons to visit her and her children (her children loved him). This woman was also had two miscarriages with him (they had previously dated). Throughout his emotional affair, he never told her about me, even though we were living together. The whole situation hurts me so much and I can't seem to let it go. I desperately want to put it behind me for the sake of my son and for my own sanity. But I can't help but wonder if this is my mind's way of telling me to let him go and move on without him. How do I know whether it's worth saving this relationship or not? In recent months, he's been very sweet to me but I'm still bitter about what happened. Whenever I bring it up to him, he gets upset and says "how many times are we going to talk about this? I thought this had been dealt with!" I guess I can't blame him for wanting it to be over ... the problem is I can't seem to get over it. Please help!
Ripples Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 Cynthia, there's an awful lot of information out there about how to cope/what to do when you're in the midst of feeling like this. There's plenty of people here that will give you really good advice, much better than I'm going to offer. But to keep you going: 1. Don't say you love him, he may not hear that as you really mean it. 2. Don't nag, plead, beg or get angry. That's not someone he'll want to be around. 3. Don't promise you've changed. It's too easy to make promises that you can't keep. 4. Get on with you life. You have a beautiful child to occupy you and fill you with love. You can go out with other new mothers and do things. You can get in touch with friends and ask them over. You can read a book you've been meaning to for ages. You can rearrange the furniture (nest). But above all, whatever you do, do it for yourself. You don't need to do things for him. Yes, be polite, be respectful, care. But don't put his needs over yours. Look after yourself and let him see that he's married to a beautiful, resourceful, strong woman who is not needy, who can take care of herself, and her child, very well, thank you very much. He's 'chosen' you. He's no longer seeing this woman. Yes, it still hurts that he actually did. Yes, its not something that you can just 'get over'. However, the more you dwell on it, the more you ask for answers, the less likely you are to be able to cope with it. Focus now on the future. Show him he made the right decision to not sleep with this woman, and to come home to you. marriagebuilders.com has helped me recently.
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