Whether or not to break up LTR: How have you handled it?

[josie54]

You may know my story from other posts--I've been with my fiance for 9 years, engaged for just over one, we share a mortgage and a life. He's nuts about me, I'm questioning my feelings for him. He and I get along great, but I don't feel the spark. I'm a creative, spontaneous soul and he's more of the even-keel, nuts-and-bolts kind of guy. Sometimes I think I need someone who is more spontaneous and creative like me, that maybe that's what's missing. Anyway, the passion isn't really there.

 

But the friendship, mutual respect, compatibility, common interests, and caring ARE there. From reading these posts, that seems to be missing in a lot of marriages. There's just so many bitter people out there. So it seems that, in my present relationship, I may have more than many other couples have.

 

My question is directed to those who have been in similar situations as I am in. If you have you been in a long-term relationship with someone who should be perfect for you, but you've had doubts, I really want to hear how you handled it and how it turned out for you AND your partner/ex-partner!

 

Have you had to cope with the idea of breaking up with this person, for no real reason except for those doubts? What is your story and how did you handle it? How did you bring it up with him/her? How did they take it? Did you break up or did you decide to stay? If you broke up, how is your ex doing now? Did he or she come through it stronger? Did you?

 

I've gotten advice from others who note that they'd "never settle" and that I shouldn't waste any more time. But they seem to dismiss the idea that 1) the other person is great, with no major flaws that would usually signal the need for a breakup, 2) both of us would be devastated by the break up, and 3) I doubt breaking up with him as much as I doubt staying.

 

Plus, if we broke up, I don't think I would date again--that's how devastating it would be for me. I would be trying to live with the guilt of doing it, and I wouldn't ever risk the prospect of its happening again. But that might be better than this constant state of worry I'm currently in.

 

I really want to hear from people who HAVE been in long-term relationships with GREAT people, but doubted that they truly loved the other person. I want to hear from people who've had to somehow face those doubts and come to a resoultion one way or another. How did you figure out whether to go or stay based on these doubts?